Dear Bossip: Younger Man, Older Woman … She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not?

- By Bossip Staff Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Happy Friday to you, sir! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. So you’re in a relationship with an older, attitudinal woman and you’re not quite sure how to handle her mood swings, huh? Well, a lot of men who date older women often make the mistake of tolerating certain forms of mistreatment simply because of the age difference. And older women who date younger men often make the mistake of treating said younger man like a boy toy who will happily consume the bs she spoon feeds him. In your case, you say that she’s a little wishy-washy in terms of her disposition towards you for no apparent reason but when you’re fed up, she fails to understand why and therein lies the problem. And, sir, the solution is simple and it all boils down to one word: communication.

If you don’t like the way she treats you or talks to you, let it be known! You don’t necessarily have to get nasty back with her but you can certainly communicate to her that you’re not going to take her mess. You can try a softer approach and explore the real root of her misguided aggression. You can try the “baby, tell me about your day. What happened that’s got you in a bag? Who mad you mad? Was it that smart-mouthed co-worker you always talk about? Or, was it your sister and her drama again?” This may coax her to watch her tone and the way she speaks to you. Furthermore, you’re conveying an ideal: she can talk you about anything as a partner would and learn how to leave her attitude with the person or people who ignited it.

Then, on the other hand, love, you might have to get nasty back. Sometimes, all it takes is one time to get your point across and send a message. Next time she lashed out on you, let her know. “Listen, I don’t know what your problem is or why you have an attitude but you can miss me with it. I didn’t do it to you. So when you get over whatever it is you’re going through, call me.” Surely, you go through bouts of drama on the daily basis, we all do. But stress to he that you make a point not to take it out on her and you would like for her to do the same! Mastering the style of communication that works best for you and your partner is a trial and error game … and it also takes time. What you must decide first, sir, is if you’re willing to continue to invest your time with this one. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Think about it ! Time waits for no one! Best of luck to you, sir! Best of luck!

What are your thoughts, Bossip Fam? Please share your thoughts below!

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

Comments

  • bouyant

    well 33 is not that old, could be you are annoying,(sometimes men are clueless like that) she is unhappy, or she might just be a bit ch, with childhood issues it happens.

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  • big c

    She could be in the very early stages of menopause or she could have hormonal imbalance.

  • Venus vs Mars

    Did you do something to make her act that way? If she’s giving you attitude all the time, then it’s time to roll. Find someone around your own age…too much drama.

  • Ronny

    The comment above me must be from someone in the south. On the topic though…i think you should leave her alone. Put her on punishment. If that doesn’t work then say deuces.

    • Venus vs Mars

      Not from the south, boo. I agree it’s time to say dueces. She’s acting like a bird…lol.

  • Ronny

    The comment above me must be from someone in the south. On the topic though…i think you should leave her alone. Put her on punishment. If that doesn’t work then say deuces..

  • MochaLove

    Wow! Been a minute since I’ve been on this site. Daywalker!! Is that what you on now?! I thought you were about to wife you a sistah … Smh. Things change I guess …

    • Come on Now

      @Mocha That fool Daywalker just be making stuff up as he goes along. He got called out on another post about all of the conflicting stories he’s made up about himself. He’s really just a troll living in his mom’s basement trying to get attention.

    • DAYWALKER (THE DAYDREAM!!!)

      <b.*(Oh, "THINGS CHANGED", alright…Mainly Ol' girl and the fact that her azz became "BRIDEZILLA" on steroids and her wedding planner was basically NUTS!! I finally had my fill when I wanted to have one of my BEST friends on the planet as my BEST MAN, and she wanted her brother to do it…Now, I'm all for "COMPROMISE", but THAT DAY was supposed to be "HER DAY", and I get that… (Truly, I do..But I'll be damned it it wasn't supposed to be mine as well!! All I asked for was that one little thing, and when she told me that a dude that had been a buddy of mine since I was in KUWAIT and had literally saved my azz from getting killed on more than one occasion couldn't be a part of what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I was like: "Well then FU*CK IT, THEN…THE WEDDING'S OFF!!) :twisted:

  • nicca bragging about humping some white man's dicarded trash...stfu stupid

    White women and their mentally ill black men….it doesn’t know if its daywalking or daydreaming…yep thats a lithium salts rant!

  • serenity

    I am a older woman, ANY woman who mistreats a man with words, ITS usual her not him..She is under stress somewhere..know your role..if she say she is not ready for commitment make the booty call and keep it stepping..if you cant handle that, move on son..let her find another punching bag..no one should be disrespecting another human being..words hurt..

  • nicca bragging about humping some white man's dicarded trash...stfu stupid

    White females and their mentally ill black men…poor thang dont know if its sleep or woke.

  • nicca bragging about humping some white man's dicarded trash...stfu stupid

    Poor thang dont know if its sleep or woke..lol

  • London Reader

    “Well, a lot of men who date older women often make the mistake of tolerating certain forms of mistreatment simply because of the age difference. And older women who date younger men often make the mistake of treating said younger man like a boy toy who will happily consume the bs she spoon feeds him”

    So true. Don’t stand for nonsense, be firm. The fact that she’s older doesn’t mean she’s more mature. The fact that she’s fine doesn’t give her a right to act up.

    You’re not doing yourself or her any favours by giving her the impression that she can behave so ridiculously and get away with it.

    If there’s no improvement over a short period, it’s unlikely to get better so either put up with it and don’t complain or split.

    Hopefully you’ll have the self-respect to realise that no one has the right to treat you like that.

    You’ve been able to attract someone as fine as her, you’re male and you’re younger. You’ll have more/better options than she will if you separate, including younger women, who may not have such an attitude.

  • WithAllHonesty

    Read the other Love & Relationship post,”Sextra:Who Loves Gemini Lovin'” You got yourself a Gemini–RUN!

    Naw for real.
    If you’ve let her attitude persist for a more than a couple months, talking most likely won’t be effective. The tone has been set. Give it a try, but I doubt it works.

    She doesn’t respect you and she thinks you’re on her schedule. When she wants time, she expects you to be there at the drop of a hat. When she wants space, she wants you to beat it.

    You being younger than her and seemingly in awe probably set this dynamic. Don’t make the same mistake with the next woman, whether she be older or younger than you.

    Or like one person said, she hitting menopause.

  • AT FIRST GLANCE I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAV ARTISE MS SHAKIRA!''

    I LOVE ME SOME MLF””..:A,WPMEN HOLDER THANI A!”’ESPECIALY”‘IF”‘SHE FINE”‘..BUT I SO BROKE””‘UNCROSS, UN ANGRY!CAN,T RRMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD ME A GIRLFRIEND!”

  • jdmannn

    After 6 months of dating it’s too late to change her. If you continue screwing her accept the fact she thinks she’s stronger than you and deal with it.

  • Love it, like it, or leave it...

    Maybe she has a mental illness like PMDD or PMS. Or she just mean!!! Hormonal imbalance can make women act mean!! If its worth it, encourage her to seek medical help or let it go!

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