Hey sis, thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Wow! So You’ve fallen for an old friend that likes to be kept by older women. Well, that’s not a good look. Based off what you’ve written, it sounds like your man friend has found the same kind of comfort in you that he found in his all his cougars. So, you might wonder, does tenure trump convenience and the answer is quite simple … that’s a no. Even though you might like to believe that this man is just staying with you because he’s in need of a friend and trying to find himself, please remember that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks and if you think that your love can change his habits, it could be true. However, giving up the goods and letting him crash at your spot is not the wave, Ma. If you stayed in the friend zone without physical attachment and sharing your living space, that would’ve made more sense. Sometimes tough love is the best love and if it meant you all losing touch or not being a close, then so be it. Real friends always come back around when you speak the truth without fear.
Friends of the opposite sex situations are always complicated because there’s the sex factor and you’ve already fallen prey to his “amazing” love so what’s next without solid commitment? It’s great that the two of you have already build a friendship over the last ten years but these are the scenarios that complicate matters. Now that he’s in your house and you all are sexing each other up, if you told him that you’re digging him on a deeper level, how do you think he would take that? Do you think he would cease his communication with the cougar to build with you? Do you think that he’s so completely smitten by you and your love that he’d discontinue all his philandering to meet your needs? Answer honestly! Please know that if that were the case, he would’ve readily surrendered himself to you and your love without hesitation and he would be making strides to accommodate your needs. If that meant getting a job and footing half of the living expenses, it would be done. If it meant staying on an upward bound path, he would proudly do so. If he were really serious about being a suitable partner for you, he would ket it be known absent of drama and attachments to other women. If a man is interested in any woman, she knows … without question.
If you should decide to continue dealing with this cat, then you already know that you’ve chosen your destiny and you may forever question his motives. “Did he come to me because he knows I’ll be there? Is he here because I’m having sex with him? Is he here because it’s easy?” If you continue on this path, you will always wonder if you’re filling the void of his “sugar mamas.” And, truth be told, you’ve pretty much done all the things his cougars did but on “friendly” basis! Bottom line is this, Ma, you deserve more from a friend regardless of gender and you should love yourself enough to know that! A man who is really about his business wouldn’t feel right crashing at your pad, sexing you up and maintaining relationships with other women! Real men work through their situations but he’s been so accustomed to being kept and coddled by older women that he may not even know where to start to work on himself … starting with his issues with his Mom. So, stop while you’re ahead. Tell him he needs to be out in 30 days or less and move on with your life! Love yourself enough, Ma. Love yourself enough and good luck to you!
What are your thoughts, Bossip fam? Please share them below!
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