Dear Bossip: My Man Wants A Threesome But I’m Not So Sure

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships


Dear Bossip,

My guy and I have a solid relationship. I’m a little bit older than him and he’s younger and have done a few things. Together we’ve opened our own sexual fantasies. Our sex life is great!

We recently discussed the fantasy of having a threesome and at first I was against it. I didn’t want to do it.  Then, when I wanted too he didn’t. Now we have reached level ground and have agreed.

I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that although we’ve discussed it in great depth, I think it will defiantly change the nature of our relationship. We both are into each other deeply. He is very sexual and so am I.  I still want to experience a threesome, but I just believe that both he and I will have different outlooks on each other if this were to happen. We talk about this often but I think this actually might be a Pandora’s box, but at the same time he is so turned on about the thought of me with another man or woman.  On the other hand, I would like to have the experience one time.  What should I do? – So Undecided

Dear Ms. So Undecided,

Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Don’tdoit.com!

Couples have these wonderful idealized fantasies of doing outrageous sexual things with one another, and there is nothing wrong with that, but when another person is introduced into the mix the relationship heads south so fast your head won’t have time to spin and catch up with that lacefront wig cocked to the side of your head.

Leave the threesome alone!

Bringing another person into the dynamics of your sexual relationship will only complicate matters. First, you have to find a person who is willing to join in and LEAVE after it’s over. No lingering, cuddling, and expecting a cooked meal after sex. No phone calls, texting, emailing, or checking in to see if it can go down again. Uhm, boo boo, your services have been rendered. Keep it moving.

And, will it be a friend, or stranger? Do you know this person’s well-being, state of mind, mental and emotional mind state? Will it be a man or woman? And, when the act goes down, what is expected of you and what do you expect of your mate as far as performance? What happens if there is another woman brought in and your man is pleasuring her better than he does you? Will you get upset?  Will your boyfriend get upset if another man is pleasuring you better than he does? What if dude is bigger than your boyfriend? Will he be upset because dude got a 10 inch schlong and your man’s 7 incher isn’t as thick and wide? I’m just asking the questions darling.

Look, sweetie, all I’m saying is that you’re inviting danger into your home and bed. The bed that is supposed to be a sanctuary between you and your man. Obviously the kool-aid your boyfriend has you drinking is spiked with some d**k juice because it got you thinking crazy. Yes, you may fantasize and think of wanting to do a threesome, but doing it is another whole other can of worms I don’t think either of you are ready to open and deal with.

Get your head out of the clouds, out the sand, and out your ass. If you’re already having a sinking feeling it will change the dynamics of your relationship, then guess what darling, it will! I don’t understand why you people don’t trust your instincts. That’s why we have them. They are there to help guide, instruct, and lead us toward the moral compass of dignity and respect we should have for ourselves. Chile, I swear common sense is a truly not given to everyone. SMDH! And, if your man doesn’t have any dignity and respect for himself, and he wants you, his woman, to engage in a sex act with someone else, then honestly I don’t feel he respects you or cares that much about you. No man who respects, loves, cherishes, honors, and sees his woman as his queen will ask her to engage in a threesome. Well, your man would. So what does that say about you? I’ll wait while you think about that because I’m sure you didn’t think of that. You’re so d**k-matized that you don’t know if you’re coming or going. (Leans in and whispers –“Sweetie, you’re going!!!!”) And, trust and believe, he will not make you his wife after this happens. He will look at you in a different light, and it’s not the one that’s dimly lit in your head. Everyone reading this can clearly see that your light is not too bright. BOOM! BAM! POW! – Your Gay Best Friend, Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions to Your Gay Best Friend, Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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