I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost ten years now. We have a daughter and she is seven months old. We both have good jobs, but we live at my mom’s house since it’s more affordable.
I have had problems in the past with his mother. She would say things like she is not ready for us to get married, and she’s not ready for grandchildren. These things would hurt me a lot. Keep in mind my boyfriend is 30 and I am 26.
My boyfriend’s mother has two children- my boyfriend and his sister. My relationship with his mother does not exist ever since I had the baby, and she is encouraging a girl who he slept with to come around. I told her about it and she said the girl never did anything to her, so she is not going to stop talking to her. So, I keep my distance from her.
My boyfriend is a good father. I can’t complain about that. But, I want to get married, even an engagement ring at least. When I ask him, his excuse is that he wants to get his own place and that he can’t live by my mother, but we’ve been living here almost 7 years now. Renting is out of the question because rent is too high. I don’t think I can put up with this any longer. I want to leave him and start over. He takes me for granted. We have no fun. He doesn’t buy me any gifts and we are just here at my mom’s house. I ask him if he wants to break up, and he always answer “no,” but we are just here and we are not going anywhere. I even think about cheating.
For his birthday I take him to dinner to treat him nice, but he doesn’t do the same for me. By the time I get home from work I am tired. On weekends I have to wash, cook, and still see about our baby. I think I deserve and need an upgrade to be a wife and not just girlfriend or baby mama. I still look good after having the baby so why won’t he marry me. In the past he would do things, but I am questioning why am I still here? For example he used to pick up his co-worker from home, drop her off at work, and he said nothing happened between them. I am very pretty so I can’t understand. He wanted a baby, I didn’t want one, not until I got married. Please help me – Want To Be Wifey
Dear Ms. Want To Be Wifey,
Chile, that man is not, ain’t never, will never, and does not planning on marry you. Why marry you when you are already playing house in your momma house?
But, hold up, girl. Your boyfriend is 30 years old, and you’ve been living at your momma house for 7 years! Stop the MF’ing bus! You both need to be on the short yellow bus with y’all special asses. Where they do that at? I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!
First off, his mother needs to stay out of your business and relationship. Unfortunately, you can’t tell her that. She already doesn’t like you, and I don’t want you two to be battling it out when he needs to man up and confront his mother and tell her to butt out of your relationship, and stop allowing other random chicks to come thru and lounge all up in his face. And, regardless of whether she wants a grandchild or not, she already does. Your little boyfriend that you’re babying needs to man up and get some balls. What type of man lives with his baby’s mother in her mom’s house? What type of man will allow that to happen for 7 years? Hell, the recession ain’t even been that damn long. He could have found a job and got an apartment for his family instead of laying up in your momma’s house. You notice his momma isn’t having it!
But, you know what the real problem is? It’s complacency. You both are complacent in your lives with one another and your situation. And, it happens to so many people. They get comfortable in their situation and before you know it years have gone by. You’ve allowed him to get comfortable, and you’ve accepted it. So why should he change? Why should you expect him to be great if you don’t demand greatness of him? Why should he be exceptional when you don’t demand that he be exceptional in his life? I’ll let that marinate on your brain.
Let’s explore the other dilemma of him not doing anything for you. Uhm, boo boo, if your man doesn’t appreciate, support, nurture, wine, dine, or make you feel special, then guess what? You’re not his woman. You’re not his lady. What man, real man, doesn’t make his woman feel special? What man, real man, doesn’t want to do for his woman? A man, a real man, who loves his woman, especially the woman who gave birth to his child, will go out of his way to make you both feel special. He will put you on a pedestal, lifting you, adoring you, and showering you with affection and gifts. No, he doesn’t need a lot of money, nor does he need to have a big ass bank account, but hell, the knee-grow can buy a card from Wal-Mart; Duane Reade; or Walgreens. He can cook, run your bath, wash your feet, back, thighs, and hair. I mean come on! Be freaking creative!!! Oh, yeah, I forgot, you have a little boy. Your little boy who doesn’t know how to do anything, and who’s momma is still letting him suck on her tit. Dump that broke, trifling, ain’t got nothing, living in your momma house, bum ass boy!
Instead of waiting on him to upgrade you….Hold up, hold up, hold up. Wait a minute! How can he upgrade you when he needs a damn upgrade himself? SMDH!
Girl, upgrade your damn self, and get up out of there. Don’t you know the saying, “I can do bad all by myself.” You’re doing bad with him. Dump him. Get out your momma’s house. Get a little studio or one bedroom for you and your daughter. Get some education. Keep working and earning yours, and trust and believe, when you do better, you get better. That man has brought your spirit, and value way down. Honey, didn’t you know that Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers collapsed? That is about as valuable as you are right now. It’s time to pick yourself up and realize that your child’s father is just that – your child’s father. He is not husband material. He is not marriage material. Sweetie, please wake up and read this – You want to be upgraded to wife material, yet your man can’t even take care of you and your daughter. Are you sure you want to move forward and into marriage with someone who can’t even provide for his family? Girl, BYE! –Terrance Dean
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