Hugh wants to clear the air after his runaway bride was throwing shade on his pipe game.

Hugh Hefner, whose loins have been a thing of legend for 136 years, didn’t take too kindly to his former fiancee saying that they only had sex once and it lasted just a couple of minutes.

“Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern but I don’t know why,” he tweeted.

Here are some more emo tweets sent from the old freak:

“Crystal convinced me that she adored me…That was the first lie.”

“I’m happy to be in a better place with new girlfriends Anna Sophia Berglund & Shera Bechard.”

“When I said, ‘I missed a bullet’ when Crystal left, I didn’t mean I didn’t love her…I meant that I realized she didn’t love me.”

Awww poor Heff. We can’t feel too bad for him now that we know he’s chopping down even more cakes! And we find it hard to believe someone as freaky as him only wanted to do it once. Yeah right.