I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we have a 9 month old beautiful baby girl. I feel like we have a strong relationship, at least I thought we did. But, it seems like lately we have been having petty arguments about everything. SMH! On top of that he just turned into a professional athlete (boxer). So, it seems his ego has gone straight to his head and beyond. He travels a lot.
Just recently he found out I went out on a date with another dude, which let me add by saying that the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. The only reason I went is because my boyfriend is always saying that he need space and time, and how he can’t deal with a relationship right now, or the stress of it because of his career. So, WTF! We do have a child. I’m not just some chick. So, I feel like, ok, I’m going to explore my options.
I’m only 24 years old. Now I feel like he wants to throw that date in my face every chance he gets when he gets mad saying we had agreed not to date other people. Although I never found hardcore evidence on his behalf of infidelity, but I have heard questionable voicemail and text just no real proof though. Meaning, I overheard a conversation when he was in the bathroom. I was outside the bathroom and it sounded to me like he was giving some chick an ultimatum on the phone. I confronted him about it, but he told me he did that out of anger because he found out about my date, which was days before that incident. Now, both of us have come to a breaking point as far as us both of us not being happy with each other. And, honestly we both haven’t been trying to fix things. Now, we’re like, ok, let’s be civil and just make everything between us just about the baby.
But, now he is telling me he wants to work things out. I’ve been trying to be mature about the situation because I don’t want my feelings to be hurt, but I’m slowly falling back. I’m torn between giving it another shot for the sake of our daughter, or in the words of Keisha Cole, “LET IT GO” and move on. What should I do??- Ms. I’m So Damn Confused/Torn
Dear Ms. I’m So Damn Confused/Torn,
And, in the words of Keisha Cole, yes, “LET IT GO!” and move on!
Why are you two dragging this out and making each other’s lives miserable? Why go through the agony of spying, lying, cheating, and all this tit for tat playing games with each other like you’re both 10-years old? “I only did this or that because you did this or that to me.” WTF!
Look, girl, if you have to go through his voicemails, texts, stand outside the bathroom with your ear smashed against the door listening in on his conversation, and lawd knows what else you’ve done, then uhm, sweetie it’s really time to take a step back and look at your crazy ass self in the mirror. Your wig is crooked. Your make-up is a mess. You got bags under your eyes. You’re breaking out and getting pimples on your face. Chile, that –ish ain’t worth it.
You know what, I bet you’ve followed him at night to see where he’s going and who he’s hanging out with. I bet you’ve checked his underwear in the dirty laundry looking for some evidence he’s been out having sex. I bet you’ve had friends go by the training facility to make sure he was actually inside training. SMDH!
When you have gotten to the point of worrying, stressing, and unable to trust your partner, then boo boo, it’s time to let the relationship go. It’s unhealthy. It’s toxic. And, it will only get worse, i.e. – physical fighting, emotional and mental abuse, and he’ll be in the ring fighting and the affects of the relationship will have his head so screwed up that he won’t be able to focus and get knocked the “F” out!
And, here’s the thing, Ms. Thang, you went out on a date with another man. Yeah, you found the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. Well, is it because he was sane and normal? He didn’t bring any drama to the table. He didn’t make you feel less than or irrelevant. You do know that there are men in the world who don’t play games or mistreat women.
If your man has told you over and over again that he needs space and time, and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then what the hell do you think that means? HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP! DUH! I swear you people better start listening to folks and what they are saying. And, you need to pay attention to his actions. They are matching up to what he’s been saying to you all along.
By the way, trust and believe, your boyfriend is going to through it up in your face that you went out on a date with another man every chance he gets. You have no solid proof he’s cheated on you, but he’s got solid proof that you went out with someone else. And, every time he wants to get out of something with you, and make you feel guilty, he’s going to bring it up. Now, the last time I checked, someone who really loves someone, really wants to make a relationship work, and really has moved on will not keep throwing up what you did in the past. I’m just saying.
And, stop trying to claim and own him by saying, “I have a daughter with him, and I’m not just some chick.” Uhm, boo boo, the reality is YOU ARE JUST SOME CHICK! You’re not his wife. You’re not his woman. A grown ass man who wants to be with his girl, or the mother of his child does not play the games your man is playing. He’s not wishy-washy and doesn’t go back and forth with his woman. And, after 3 years and a child, and you’re still not married, girl, why the hell you’re going through all this with him and he’s not even your husband? Here’s a wake-up call for you – You’re playing house, and you’re not married. And, he’s not going to wife you!
If you’re thinking of staying with someone because of a child, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Two unhealthy people staying in a relationship, living out their drama and craziness in front of a child will only negatively affect the child. It’s not helping your child. She will grow up repeating the pattern of emotional, mental, and physical abuse she saw you, her mother, go through because she will think it’s what a healthy relationship is. Ask yourself this question – Do you want your daughter to repeat or go through the same drama that you’re experiencing? If your answer is no, then why are you going through it?
Personally, I don’t feel either of you are emotionally or mentally ready to be in a relationship with each other. Your relationship is a mess. There is no trust. There is no loyalty and no respect. And, now he’s a professional athlete. Chile, you’re not ready to handle what’s to come with the world of being with someone who is an athlete and the many women, groupies, long nights away from home, being on the road traveling, stress and pressure of training and being mentally prepared for fights, and money! I agree that you two can be civil for the sake of your child, but do it as co-parents who are cordial and friendly toward one another and not in a relationship. It’s really time to go! – Terrance Dean
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