One of the things I was surprised to see from you, being a private person, was that letter you posted on your site some months after your break up. In that letter you admitted to contemplating suicide.
Yep, every day.
Tell me about that time and how you were able to rise above it.
I think it was just how my mind works. You have so many things rushing through your mind and I was trying to figure out how to make it stop. It’s easy to look at someone and say there’s 80,000 different ways for you to deal with it. No. Maybe for you, but me having to one, be in control of every aspect of my life and two, loving people how I do and being so thoughtful… when certain things are out of control, if it’s the type of personality that I have, you start to lean towards the best way to make it end. Like what stops this for not only me, but everyone?
Of course that’s not the smartest thing to do, which is evidently why I’m still here. But it’s just one of those things that creeps into your mind when you’re not even paying attention. As soon as “Umbrella” happened I was nonstop, everything was crazy. It’s not about having a pity party, it’s just the truth of my life. What led me to that thinking was taking everything and everyone so serious instead of doing things the way I think about my music. Which is who gives a f–k what you think? Everything is speculation so it’s like how do I say something so you do understand, but you don’t blame me or blame Christina. But since everyone has me as the bad person, I’ll just be the bad motherf–ker. And eventually I just got over it.
And then he finally points out what we all already knew: Christina Milian should have never agreed to be his wife.