Dear Bossip,

I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years and 9 months. I met her back in the 10th grade in Spanish class. I’m 27 now, and we started dating when I was 20 years old. We literally had everything in common and we were best friends.

On March the 29th, she broke up with me abruptly. There were no warning signs at all. We were engaged to be married next spring and we were already naming our children. After she broke up with me the first time we slowly started talking again a few months ago. We were going out with each other like we used to. I actually started feeling good again. We resumed plans to move out with each other again and everything seemed to be falling into place again. Then she goes two days without any contact at all, save a couple text messages, and she then calls me on May 11th after she gets off work and simply says, “I cannot do this anymore. I can’t talk to you anymore. I can’t see you anymore.” Then she hung up on me.

I’m left to just deal with my emotions as best as possible while she does her own thing. She never really showed any signs of mental problems or anything so what could possibly cause this? – Brokenhearted

Dear Mr. Brokenhearted,

Chile, she’s crazy! She’s self-absorbed, deceptive, and manipulative. Who goes around making someone feel like their relationship is wonderful and blissful, and then without any warning at all they just end it? Who does that, and does it twice? I tell you who, someone who needs to be snatched by the neck and placed into a mental institution. That –ish is trifling, and dead wrong. Whatever she is going through, dealing with, or having issues around, she should have been woman enough to tell you the truth instead of leading you on. She should have sat you down and explained what was going on in her head and her reluctance in continuing a relationship with you. Really, she owes you, and before you ran back into her arms you should have been demanding some explanations.

But, someone who is self-absorbed, deceptive, and manipulative will do what she did. She led you on. She didn’t think about you, your feelings, or your well-being. She manipulated you, the situation, and got what she wanted out of the relationship, and when she was done, she just left. No explanation, no warning, and no justification. Someone who is sane or mentally stable wouldn’t do something so vile, despicable, and evil to someone else. She has no compassion, no love, and doesn’t care for you.

I want to know what made you feel so comfortable enough to allow yourself to ease back into the relationship without thinking about what she did to you. Ba-by! There’s a saying, “When someone shows you who they are believe them.” And, when she showed you who she was the first time, you should have believed her that she would abruptly break up with you, AGAIN!

But, this is what I really want to know. When she broke up with you the first time, and you hustled your ass back into a relationship with her after a few months, why didn’t you get to the bottom or root cause of her abruptly ending the relationship? Instead of jumping back in feet and head first, why didn’t you ask her what was going on, what caused her to end the relationship, and if you two could get into some counseling before you explore dating again? I don’t know who would subject themselves to the pain and agony of a disappointment twice after they’ve already experienced it once. If she left you once, then why would you let her back into your life again? Honey, after she left you the first time the way that she did, that should have been an indication for you to close that chapter and close that door. I want to know where is your self-esteem and self-worth? Do you have any balls? You better man up and get some hair on your chest.

Honey, I wish I might get back into a relationship with someone after they abruptly left with no warning, and no cause, leaving me high and dry, and then come back months later and act as if nothing ever happened. Oh, hell to the naw! I would have been like, “Bitch, you owe me an explanation. Your ass better get to talking before I stomp a hole in you.” I’m just kidding. But, trust and believe they would have had a whole lot of explaining to do.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that you two were together for 7 years and 9 months. Ba-by, you are keeping track, huh? And, being with someone that long, and they are your best friend, does make you do some irrational things, i.e. getting back into a relationship with her after she left you high and dry the first time, and starting over where you left off as if nothing happened. Chile, boo! Love clouds your judgment, but it doesn’t make you stupid. It ain’t that much oversight, overlooking, or “I forgive you” in the world to make you foolish and ignorant to someone mistreating you.

And, yes, there is something completely wrong with someone who can do what she did to you, TWICE! She just abruptly ended the relationship with no explanation, and with no thought of how it may affect you, your life, your families, and others who’ve watched from the sidelines. She went two days without any contact, then finally calls you two days later and says “I cannot do this anymore. I can’t talk to you anymore. I can’t see you anymore.” Then she hangs up. She’s a BOSS! WOW! She didn’t even confront you face-to-face. She didn’t have the decency to give you a real explanation, or opportunity to respond. You truly are better than me. I would have been at her house, or her job demanding that she tell me to my face why she did this a second time.

Look, I suggest you get into some counseling to help you resolve your own issues around the relationship. Therapy will help you to move on so that you won’t allow yourself to A.) Get back into a relationship with her for a third time, if she decides to call in a few months talking about she’s sorry. For some reason I can see you going back again. But, a man with no balls will do something like that. B.) You won’t take the baggage and emotional damage into another relationship with a woman and mistreat her because of what your ex did to you. C.) Allow yourself to forgive yourself for getting back into a relationship with her after she dumped with no cause. And, forgive her because for whatever reason she did what she did to you, it has nothing to do with you. Something is wrong with her. And, it’s obvious you’re not going to get a real explanation or cause from her. She is not giving you any reasons for her actions. It’s time to move on, remove her from your life, and don’t allow her to occupy any space in your head or heart. And, if you happen to see her, well, I’ll understand why your next letter is from the county jail. – Terrance Dean

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