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Dear Ask a Very Smart Brotha,

I have a situation that needs your advice.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. We’re both middle aged and get along great. The one issue between us is he’s African American and I’m white, and he’s never dated outside his race. I have, I’m cool with it, but he’s a little.. uncomfortable at times, I guess. His comfort level has gotten better over time but he’s still very conscious of the fact that I’m white, he’s black. As an example, we were talking about where we would go for dinner and I mentioned soul food (YUM!). He was quiet, then suggested someplace else. I asked if he didn’t feel like soul food, and then he told me he wasn’t sure he’d feel comfortable going to a soul food restaurant with me. I’d be fine with it – wouldn’t be my first trip to eat some tasty greens, wings, whatever. He’s been honest about this stuff with me and I know it’s a serious thing, and I don’t want to push. We have been to some events where I was one of just a few non-African Americans and I was comfortable – he was a little nervous – but everything was fine.

I’m wondering if you have any suggestions of how I can help him feel more comfortable, or how we can work together to see if we can work through this. He’s a wonderful man – caring, funny, great dad, supportive – and I want to do what I can to make this work, but I also don’t want to be 3 years down the road and have him decide it won’t work.

I appreciate any help you can give!

Sincerely,
Bay Area WF

Read the Very Smart Brotha’s answer and another question at MadameNoire.com