Dear Bossip: I’ve Recently Started Dating Men But It’s Been Nothing But A Pain!

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

WELP! Since I have no clue how I’m going to ask my question without rambling on, I’ll just get straight to the point. Ok, so I’m a 22-year old college student, (but that really doesn’t matter). Anyways, although I’ve been attracted to guys my whole life. I just recently started dating men about two years ago and from the very beginning it’s been nothing but a pain!!!!!

I’ve been seeing this one guy in particular for about a year now and I really care about him but I don’t know if the feeling is mutual. For example, this past Valentine’s Day I went ALL OUT for him, but I didn’t even get a f***king card! Since we’ve been dating this dude HAS NOT paid for one single thing that we’ve done together. At one point I was sure that I wanted to be with him but it’s always a bunch of BS reasons why he’s, “not ready” (he’s not stable, he’s not happy in his life or some crap like that). But then he turns around and tells me I would make the perfect boyfriend. And a part of me wants to say, “Man, get the f**k out of here with that bull-ish,” but another part of me wants to believe him and just be patient because I care. Am I playing myself? I have NO CLUE what to do. Please Help Me -Dazed And Confused

Dear Mr. Dazed And Confused,

Ba-by, I see it doesn’t matter what the gender or sexuality, being slow and clueless is inherent.

You wrote: “I just recently started dating men about two years ago and from the very beginning it’s been nothing but a pain.” Well, my piece of advice is this, “You attract that which you are.” If all the men you’ve attracted have been a pain, then what does that say about you? Look in the mirror, boo boo.

And, I’m curious as to where you young people learn how to date or be in relationships? I know there is no handbook, roadmap, or guide to dating, but some things are just obvious and don’t require a lot of brain cell use. I mean come on! When someone tells you they do not want to be in a relationship, then what does that mean? Say it with me people – THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND THAT INCLUDES NOT WITH YOU!  Does a rock have to fall on your head in order for you to wake up and smell the booty juicy on your upper lip? Remove his nut sac off your eyes and close your mouth and legs. Ugh!

If you’ve been with someone for over six months and you go all out on Valentine’s Day for them and they don’t even buy you a card, then you are a Non-MF’ing Factor! You are a jump-off. You are a trick. And, you’re not obviously in a relationship. Well, you may be in a relationship, but they are not in a relationship with you. He doesn’t see you. He has no vision for you. You are something to do while he is doing someone else. And, trust and believe he is doing someone else because YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NEVER WILL BE!

If you’ve been with someone for over six months and every time you go out and they do not pay for anything, then you are being pimped, used, and tricked. They are using you. And, your happy-go-lucky ass is so wrapped up in the sex, pseudo-relationship, and d**k that you will spend your hard earned money trying to prove to them that you’re this great boyfriend, yet they are reaping the benefits. He’s getting free meals, gifts, and trips and you’re still digging in your pockets to prove to him that you love him and want to be with him. Yet, he hasn’t dug into his pockets one time to contribute to you or the pseudo-relationship. Does that make any logical sense to you?

If you’ve been with someone for over six months and they keep telling you, “I’m not ready” and they give you lame excuses such as, “I’m not stable; I’m not happy in my life; I’m still working on me;” then you are not listening and are so caught up in being with someone that you will allow yourself to be delusional and used for the sake of wanting to be with someone. So, you get what you deserve.

Listen, when someone keeps telling you they are not ready or making excuses for why they do not want to be in a relationship, then why do you dumbass people refuse to listen to them? Why do you insist on staying around, lingering, and holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Why do you keep laying up with them, spending money on them, and making them a priority in your life when they don’t give a f**k about you? I’ll wait while you think about that.

It’s time for you to MAN UP, dig deep and get some bass in your voice, and allow the masculine high-testosterone part of you to say what you’ve been wanting to say for some time now: “Man, get the f**k out of here with that bull-ish.” You can sit over there and be patient all you want, but if after a year and he’s still feeding you the same bull-ish line, then you are the dumbass for sitting there waiting on him. He’s not going to change. Not for you or anybody. He has to want to change for himself. It’s obvious he’s not interested in changing, and he’s definitely not interested in you. But, pay attention to what he said to you, “You would make the perfect boyfriend.” HELLO! The operative word in that statement is, “WOULD.” I wish I could bang you upside your head and knock some sense into it. He’s telling you that you’re not the one for him. He’s telling you that you’re not in a relationship. Chile, I tell you stupid is what stupid does.

And, if his life isn’t together and he is so unhappy then why are you with him? What are you getting out of being there? Are you unhappy and miserable? Are you that pathetic with no self-esteem that you need to be paying for some d**k? Because that’s what you’re really doing. I’m just calling it as I see it.

Look, you’re young, and you’ve only been dating men for two years. Let him go. Move on. And, rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth. Don’t let this past year with this lame ass worthless piece of -ish mar your future relationships, and make you become a jaded old bitter queen. There are plenty of intelligent, smart, good-looking men who are emotionally mentally and physically available. And, look in the mirror and remind yourself how beautiful you are. Remind yourself how smart you are. Remind yourself how lovable you are. Yes, you can have a loving, wonderful, happy, and joyful relationship but it all starts with you. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!


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