Dear Bossip: I Gave My Virginity To A Man I Only Communicate With Via Text & I Really Like Him

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 6 months. I met him in NYC while I was visiting from Atlanta.

He told me he was going to play football for a school in Georgia so that was perfect, so I thought. Months went by and he finally settled in his new home and we really never kept in touch a lot at first. I saw no point if he wasn’t in Georgia. I really didn’t care at first. Once he moved to Georgia I decided to visit him and I thought it would be a very awkward and weird situation since we really never had more of a convo other than text messages.

We had a good date and he was really excited to see me and so was I. The physical attraction was more than words can explain. Later on that night things got steamy and we almost had sex. I say almost because at the time I was a virgin. Fast forward 2 months later and I visit him twice more and end up having sex. We don’t talk on the phone at all, if anything we only text each other, and that is rare. I’m obviously catching feelings for this man, but I feel like there’s nothing there but a physical attraction. Yes, he makes me laugh and I love hanging around with him, but I feel like if I speak up about my feelings it will only leave things awkward and perhaps no friendship at all. The sex is amazing and I really don’t see myself dating anyone else but him. Am I putting this man on a pedestal for no reason? Help! – Hopeful and Confused

Dear Ms. Hopeful and Confused,

Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! You’ve been seeing a guy for 6 months, and the only communication you have with him is via text, and there is no conversation on the phone, and you say you don’t see yourself dating anyone else but him. Uhm, sweetie, I hate to break this to you, but you are not even dating him.

What the hell is going on? The hell you talking about you have a relationship with a man and you rarely see him. As a matter of fact, the only time you have been with him (3 in total) it involved some type of physical interaction. That, my dear, does not make a relationship. That is a booty call. You are a jump-off.

Chile, I swear, if I wasn’t saved and filled with the Holy Ghost I would say some ungodly things. (Starts speaking in tongues: “He-be-be-be-ha-ba-shay Mama-say mama-sah ma-ma-coo-sah”)

Girl, that man has come to Atlanta and put that New York d**k on you and now you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. LMBAO.

Ma’am (Knocks on the back of your head), I want you to answer this for me: Can you say you have a relationship with someone if you only communicate with them via text? Can you say you have a relationship with someone if you don’t know anything about them? Can you say you have a relationship with someone if in 6 months you have only seen them, and spent time with them 3 times? And, each interaction is a physical sexual encounter. Please answer that for me. I’ll wait.

But, wait, after the first encounter with this man you didn’t see him for two months, and then had sex with him!!?!!?? And, you seriously think you are dating him? You feel you don’t want to date anyone else but him because his sex is amazing. Really? Really! Really?  In the words of singer Frank Ocean – Sweet King Martin; Sweet Queen Coretta; Sweet Brother Malcolm; Sweet Queen Betty; Sweet Mother Mary; Sweet Father Joseph; Sweet Baby Jesus.

Where do you women come from? What part of the country and hillside are you being bred? Yes, bred, because there truly is no one raising you to value yourself and know your self-worth. You are on that hillside chewing crud. I want you to think about this and I know I may be stretching by asking you to think, but please try: You gave your virginity to a man that you only communicate with via text messaging, and you rarely spend time with? Does that sound logical to you? Does that make any damn sense? Come on sweetie, please tell me that you have some brain cells. There has got to be some common sense in that thick ass skull because you are sounding really basic right about now.

You have no bases, no grounds, no nothing to validate your liking or desire to want to be with him. What are you basing it on? The sex? Come on, girl, I know you ain’t had d**k before, but good lawd, it wasn’t that amazing if you have nothing to compare it to. And, you’re talking out the side of your ass saying the 3 times you’ve been together he made you laugh and feel special. No, no, no, no, no. (Just let me get close to you and shake you and rattle your head). You even said there’s nothing there but a physical attraction. So, why do you want to date him? UGH! I can’t today. I really can’t.

Chile, please know that any man who only communicates with a woman via text is not serious about her. If he can’t pick up the phone and call you, then he is not worth your time or body. If he can’t pick the phone to call you and hold a conversation, then he is not interested in you, and neither should you be in him. If the only time a man texts you and it’s to invite you to his house or to “hang out,” then he sees you as nothing more than a jump-off, a booty call. He is not interested in dating you, nor is he interested in being in a relationship with you. You’re just some random booty he has on reserve when he can’t get some other chick to come thru. And, if he is not making any effort in getting to know you, spend time with you, and the only time you see him is sporadically, just like his texts, then he doesn’t value you, or think highly of you. You’re an option. Yes, an option, just like on an application and you have to check one of the boxes. You, my dear, are one of those boxes on his application form.

DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT make someone a priority in your life when you are an option in theirs. He’s not serious about you. He’s not going to make a commitment to you. He doesn’t see you as someone he’d like to settle down with and be in a relationship. You’re just some chick he can get some sex from when he’s lonely, bored, or no other chick is available. I tell you what ask him if he’s seeing other women, and how many. Ask him how many other female friends he’s made since he’s moved to Atlanta. Ask him how does he feel about you, and how do you make him feel. If he says, “You’re cool. We’re friends. I’m not looking to settle down. My attention and focus is on school and not to be in a relationship.” Then you, my dear, are his jump-off until he finds a woman he wants to be with. You are something to do in the meantime. – Terrance Dean 

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE! 

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