Dear Bossip: His Fantasy Is For Me To Be With Another Woman, But I’m Not Sure

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I need some major advice on a certain situation please!! My boyfriend told me that his greatest fantasy is to watch me have sex with another female whom I find attractive.

When he said that I was like HELL NO!! I don’t wanna do those types of things, but at the same time I’m like I just want to make him happy and feel satisfied, like he could get anything from me because I love him sooo much!

I don’t want him to go looking elsewhere for what he wants. I want him to get it from me, but I REALLY don’t want to do it. He said, “It’s ok. I’m just telling you my greatest fantasy.” But, in a way I feel like I should do something about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!! – Ms. Not So Sure

Dear Ms. Not So Sure,

Well, you asked, and he told you what his fantasy is, and when you responded the way you did, he said it’s okay and that he was just telling you what his greatest fantasy is. He didn’t say you had to do it. He isn’t forcing you, or asking persistently that you to do it. He just told you what his fantasy is. I’m confused as to why are you giving yourself ultimatums on whether or not if you should do it? (Beep! Beep! The short yellow bus is outside your home waiting on you)

If you’re uncomfortable doing something sexually, then why even consider it? I don’t care who you love or think you’re in love with, there is no compromising yourself for anyone, especially sexually, just to make the other person happy.

Don’t ever, and I mean EVER, compromise your values or morals for anyone. Don’t put someone else’s needs or wants before your own. YOU COME FIRST! Do you hear me, Ms. Thang?!? YOU COME FIRST!

Chile, I swear you folks don’t listen, hear, or comprehend. That’s why you need to pay attention in school, and listen to your teachers and professors. Your man was clear in his communication, and you took it and ran with it (so typical), and now you’re creating an unnecessary dilemma. You heard what you wanted to hear, and now your happy-and-ready-to-please-fast-ass is ready to do something because you fear your man may go out and get what he wants without you. GROW THE “F” UP! You can’t keep someone from doing what they want to do. You can’t stop someone from doing something they want to do. And, you certainly can’t prevent someone from stepping out on you and make them be faithful to you. People are going to do what they want to do. If you can get that through your thick ass skull then it will save you a world of headaches.

Hell, if I were you I would have shared my greatest sexual fantasy and see how he responded. But, many of you women don’t and won’t allow yourselves to be free and self-explanatory in a relationship with a man. You’re so worried about pleasing him, making him happy, and doing for him that you sacrifice your own health, being, and spirit, and once he’s depleted everything from you and out of you, then he dumps you and you’re over there crying and boo-hooing because you did everything for him. Ole’ dumbasses. What about you, darling? What about what you need or want? What about your desires? What about your happiness? Y’all are going to learn about putting someone else before your own selves.

If a man is not adding, contributing, inspiring, uplifting, empowering, or making you feel needed, wanted, or desired, then it’s time to bounce. If he is not engaged in making sure that your happiness, well-being, joy, or peace are not being met then it’s time to bounce.

STOP BENDING OVER BACKWARDS AND SPREADING YOUR LEGS FOR HIM, AND HIS FANTASIES IF THEY ARE NOT WHAT YOU DESIRE OR WANT!

And, listen to your man. Stop jumping to conclusions or assumptions. He didn’t say he wanted you to do it, he just expressed a fantasy of his. Hell, we all have fantasies, things we want, wish, and dream about, but that doesn’t mean we are going to necessarily fulfill them. That’s why they are called fantasies. Did you even look the word up before you wrote in? Chile, I swear the dictionary is your friend. Why don’t you use it? Stop stressing yourself and, if he brings it up again, then reclaim your power and self-esteem and put your damn foot down. Let your no mean no, and your yes mean yes. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE! 

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