Dear Bossip,

Hi there! I will try not to ramble on, but my entire brain is dazed and confused.

I have been dating this awesome guy for a few months and recently we have decided to make it official. He possesses all the qualities I could wish for in a mate. I am recently divorced and have shared with him that I am not ready to start having sex.

So, last weekend I was invited to his dad’s birthday cookout at his parents’.  We were having a great time and I was meeting a lot of his family and friends. My man and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. There had been a lot of drinking going on. I don’t drink, but was just super tired. Anywho, I felt myself being lifted up and placed on another couch. I didn’t bother to open my eyes because I thought it was my man trying to make me comfortable. Then I felt groping and sloppy kisses all over my neck and chest. I wiped the crust out my eyes to see his DADDY IN FULL DRUNKEN ACTION!!! I kicked and pushed him off of me, jumped up and woke my man up. I was screaming and told him what his dad had done. So, my man (still drunk) starts swinging on his dad. By now, his mom wakes up and is trying to break up the fight. I’m collecting my things and looking for my keys to get the heck out of there. I’m crying and make it to my car. My man comes running after me asking if I’m OK and begging me to stay. I jump in and drive off.

He has been calling me ever since that incident, but I just can’t talk to him. He’s shown up to my place twice and I don’t answer the door. I get at least 3 emails a day asking me to call him. I’m confused. I mean what am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to continue this relationship after that incident? Damn, why can’t his daddy be normal?!?! My man does have his own place, but he comes from a really close family. On a side note: ever since being introduced to his dad I’ve noticed that he gives me a certain look. I thought all along it was the, “Son, you picked a good one” look not the, “Damn, I wanna hit that” look.  I haven’t told anyone about this incident because it’s so embarrassing! Help! – Caught Up In Some -ish!

Dear Ms. Caught Up In Some –ish!

Ba-by! Daddy was trying to get his freak on. LOL! Sorry, but, the way you described that scene I can only imagine the fracas happening in that house and in that living room.

Here’s the thing: I do understand how you feel. I’m sorry you had to experience that. It’s traumatizing to wake up to some man groping and fondling you, especially your man’s own dad. Damn! Daddy is gangsta! LMBAO! Sorry, chile. But, basically what your boyfriend’s dad did to you is considered attempted rape. He should be thankful that you didn’t press charges and have his ass arrested. Chile, I would have called the cops and had his ass hauled off to jail. I would have fixed his old horny ass. There is no sex in the champagne room, and there is definitely no touching and getting close to the dancers. No ma’am! LOL! He definitely wouldn’t have gotten away with it.

However, I don’t think you should take it out on your boyfriend. He did wake up and start swinging on daddy once you told him what happened. He didn’t try to come to his dad’s defense, and he didn’t accuse you of lying on his dad. Which makes me wonder that this probably has happened before in the past. There are some secrets in that family and daddy has a history of trying to push up on his son’s girlfriends. That’s what I’m gathering, and it’s a family secret that they’ve swept under the rug repeatedly.

I say you should have a conversation with your boyfriend. Let him explain and allow him to offer his apologies. He obviously feels bad about what happened, and he truly respects you because he’s making viable attempts to communicate with you and check in on you. If he didn’t care and he wasn’t showing any interest in reconciling with you, then I would have suggested that you moved on. But, that’s not the case.

But, if you do decide to reconnect with your boyfriend and start anew with him, I do suggest you ask him to be honest about his dad’s behavior and if this is something that has happened previously with other women. You need to be honest and upfront with your boyfriend about how you feel and what this situation has done to you. Let him know how it has affected you. You two should also consider the next steps in moving forward, especially if he is close with his family. And, I also suggest that you do not, and I mean DO NOT go back to the parent’s home. Although I am certain the dad may feel bad and guilty about what happened, however, the mother is still with him, which means she is silently condoning his behavior. It’s obvious there is no recourse for his actions by the family. And, besides, you don’t want to be sitting at the family dinner table and daddy is making googly eyes at you, and he may have a relapse. Girl, you better pick up that carving knife from the table and put it to his throat and do a Oprah Winfrey from the movie, The Color Purple, on his ass: “All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men, but I ain’t never thought I’d have to fight in my own boyfriend’s house!!” Let me stop, and girl, go talk with your man. – Terrance Dean

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