Dear Bossip: I Told Her That I Don’t Want To Be With Her, But She Won’t Leave Me Alone

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

Wassup! Man I been with this girl for a year and I constantly gave her signs I wanna be single.

She avoids it all. She makes it seem like I don’t have a right to be with who I wanna be with. We both are very spiritual people (lose my way time to time but I always come back to the almighty). She says she loves me and she wanna have my last name. But I’m not satisfied with her choices or how she expresses her love.

I tried every trick in the book: Cussing her out. Telling her the meanest -ish possible. Telling her I don’t want her, yet she still attached to me. I tell her there’s millions of other guys out in the world that will treat her right, but she just won’t leave.

I think she knows that nobody can do her like I do, or nobody will care like I care. I’m 21 and I’m bout to join the Navy and she’s tryna stop me. She’s wifey material and she can be an ideal wife, but I don’t feel I should be a part of something I don’t want. I don’t wanna fornicate or carry the burden of someone else’s baggage. I wanna be free and I want her to understand that I want the real woman God sent for me. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of telling her I don’t love her even if she still love me.

I only go back with her because she threatens suicide and she might do it and I don’t want that burden on my hands, so I take her back. She once stabbed herself when I left her and threatened to stab herself some more if I don’t take her back. I turn girls down all the time because I don’t believe in cheating. (An, they be bad women, bruh). But, I feel she just don’t have energy like that I’m searching for.

She needs to leave me alone and find her soul-mate cause I don’t want her. And even if I’m her soul-mate I will reject her. I’m 6 feet 1, 250lb linebacker that bench presses 485 lbs and squats 650 lbs (quit football cause I lost the passion for it) and she scares me. (She’s 5’1 and 112lbs). I’m tired of her not accepting we will be friends. Please, please, please, help me! – Scared Of This Chick

Dear Mr. Scared Of This Chick,

Run, Forrest, run! Man, she is worse than both Glen Close in “Fatal Attraction,” and Lynn Whitfield in “A Thin Line Between Love And Hate.” Hell, even combining those two characters and your girl got them beat.

Shoot, she may be tiny against your big ass, but I wouldn’t doubt or put anything past her mentally unstable ass. Don’t eat her spaghetti (My momma told me don’t trust a woman’s spaghetti), don’t drink anything from her that you didn’t open yourself, and don’t fall asleep with her around. No ma’am! In the words of Kanye West, “That bish cra…that bish cra!”

Uhm, and on the real, if someone is threatening suicide because you don’t want to be with them, then they are emotionally and mentally unstable. She needs some serious help and counseling, and I strongly urge you to report it to your parents, her parents, and all of your friends. It’s unhealthy, and she’s unstable. I certainly and definitely would not trust her, or even to be around her. You better listen to what I’m saying if you want to make it to 22 years of life on this earth. GET AWAY FROM HER AND GET HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE TODAY!!!!

But, hold up and stop the MF’ing presses! This woman actually stabbed herself, and threatened to stab herself some more if you didn’t take her back, and your big lumpkins ass took her back?? Hmph, I would have told her, “Did you get an artery? If you’re going to kill yourself, then hit that big ass vein.” I wish I might be with someone and they threaten their own life, and I purposely remain in a relationship with them. Please commit both of us. And, your ass needs to be committed. The hell are you keeping her around for? Chile, you better sleep with one eye open. If she is that reckless and careless with her own life, then trust and believe she will take her obsession over you out on you and you won’t wake up the next morning. And, if her life is dependent upon you being with her, then, ba-by, she obviously doesn’t have any self-esteem, self-worth, of self-value. And, if she doesn’t value her own life, then do you honestly think that she values your life? Think about it. Think about it.

Do you honestly believe that you two are soul-mates and are in love? Because from what I know about love, it is not boastful, jealous, or envious. It is not dangerous, hurtful, and malicious. And, since you’re a spiritual man, here’s the biblical verse on love from I Corinthians 13: 4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

After reading that, does that sound like the type of love she has for you? I’ll wait while you contemplate it.

Listen, if you don’t want to be with someone, then you must leave them. There is no calling, texting, going out on dates, being friends, or any Facbook friendships, and Twitter following. Especially if they are emotionally unstable, mentally deranged with suicidal temperamental issues, and possibly some homicidal tendencies. (Doesn’t that sound like her?)

Stop engaging her and stop leading her on. Although you say you don’t want to be with her, but yet you’re actions say something completely different. This woman is looking for any way to be a part of your life, and in order to get rid of her, then you have to block and delete her out of your life completely. Get a restraining order of protection. Let everyone you know about her psychotic episodes and behavior. Tell your parents, as well as her parents, and make sure you document everything with dates and times so you can have proof just in case she shows up at your home peering in your windows, or hiding in the bushes, or she just so happens to pop up at a different location where you are hanging out. If you continue this relationship with her, I foresee this being an episode on “Snapped,” on Oxygen. And, I’ll say, “Oh, my gosh! I remember getting a letter from that dude. Damn! She got him.” And, continue eating my popcorn. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE! 

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