Dear Bossip: I Lost Both Of My Parents & My Girl Told Me To Get Over It & That Things Happen

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I met this chick over the summer of last year. We fell instantly for each other.

She’s smart, funny, talented, kind and just plain down to earth. So, we started off as friends and then started to become an item. It was like the world around me didn’t matter, only her. We were always together and our love got stronger each day. At the same time that summer my dad passed. And, my mom passed too. I’m an only child, so it’s just me at the end.

It was hard to process and I’m still dealing with it to this day. I went into a deep depression and needed to grieve. My girl was there, but made things harder. She kept telling me, “-ish happens, deal with it,” and was fed up with me. At that time, I just wanted to get out of the depression, so I went to counseling. I thought coping was important and to get myself together so I can be better for her and me. That was my main objective. I wanted to make her happy.

Before my dad passed she was the center of my universe. After that, I kind of shut down and just didn’t know what to do with myself. My family was all I had. How in the hell I was supposed to suck that up? It just got overwhelming to the point where I’ll take some days off for myself and tell her I need to get better. She’ll say she understands, but get mad when I do it. I just needed space from her because she was not understanding me at all and pushing me so hard. It’ll make me angry and just plain sad because she wasn’t the person I thought she was. We argued and fought, and she’ll usually win.

Despite all that, I loved the girl more than I did myself. I told her how much she meant to me and how serious I was. Her too, she said she felt the same way and wanted us to work badly. I know that I wasn’t taking time to cope like I was supposed to. I was so conflicted, but she came first. I did everything I could really, so I gave up coping and focused on her.

She just became so demanding and it just was getting crazy. She broke up with me to only come back making a speech about how much she needed me, how we should get serious, and how she wanted me in her life. So, I thought she knew what she was doing and wanted to stop it. Instead, one week after getting back together, she cheated on me with a random dude. I had to catch her and confront her after seeing her flirting on Twitter. She just run off, leaving me messed up about the whole thing. I went back into a depression. I ran into her a few months later. She finally said sorry and how she was lost, and that she wanted to be friends, and that she was single. Acting like it never happened. So, I told her off. How bad she hurt me and it was like a joke to her.

So afterwards, we stopped talking. That’s when she decided to take it to Twitter and dog me out. How much she hates me, how I lost something good and how I don’t exist.. She been doing this for months on in, even got a new dude she “loves” so much. How low would she go to make me even more upset? How can I get over this? If you can give me some input, that’ll be cool. – Confused As Hell

Dear Mr. Confused As Hell,

Uhm, what the hell you mean you don’t know how low she will go to make you even more upset? She is showing you who she is and what she is capable of. Are you that naïve and stupid? Jeesh!

If I were you I’d teach that trick a lesson, and if she wants to play dirty, then let’s get dirty. I’d post all the naked pictures she sent you, and all the explicit things she said to you via text and email. And, I would let her know that if she wants to roll in this playground of mud, then bish, we are about to get dirty.

Naw, I’m just kidding. You don’t have resort to playing dirty just because she is a skank and a low-down trifling nut rag. Hold your head up, and keep your dignity. People are seeing her true colors and trust me she is making her own self look disgusting and hoe-ish. But, I do suggest that you stop following her on Twitter and block her. See how easy that is. Then that way you don’t have to read or see what she’s posting. Delete her out of your life – your cell phone, your emails, Facebook, and Twitter. Block and delete that hoe!

Now, moving forward, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. My prayers are with you during your time of grieving and recovery. I do hope you will find some comfort and help for your situation.

But, as it relates to your relationship, the first mistake was putting someone else above your own needs and wants. I know love makes you feel a certain way and you want to go all out and do things for them, and prove your love for them. But, if they are not reciprocating the feeling, ba-bay, no sir, put that –ish on the back burner. It ain’t that much love in the world that will make you put someone else’s needs before your own. Especially after losing both your parents, and this crazy ass heifer wants all your attention and focus to be on her.

But, I understand that you were hurting and you needed someone to cling to, and you focused all your energy on her. You were reaching out for love and to be held, and this trick was reaching out and demanding that you move on and make her the center of the world. If anything she should have been more compassionate, understanding, and supportive. That’s what a real girlfriend would have done during your time of loss. But, she’s selfish and self-absorbed.

And, your second mistake was loving someone more than you loved yourself. Honey, honey, honey, if you don’t love you, then you certainly can’t love someone else. And, if they don’t love themselves, then it will be impossible for you to get them to see how much you love them. Because you will end up in the situation like yours where you will allow someone like your ex-girlfriend to mistreat you, berate you, and manipulate you because you don’t love you, and they don’t love themselves. They will tear you down and have you spinning your wheels trying to get them to see how much you love them. RUN FROM PEOPLE LIKE THIS! They are unhealthy, and emotional vampires. They will suck the life out of you, and leave your ass drained and useless.

Also, if someone has the much power of you and your feelings, it’s time to re-evaluate the situation and the relationship. This crazy bish dragged you through hell and back, and your dumb ass kept trying to get her to see how much you cared for her, and then she went out and cheated on you. Which sent you back into a depressed state. DAMN! It ain’t no d**k or that much coochie in the world to make you lose your damn mind, and lose your sanity. When your emotional and mental faculties are being affected by another person, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! It’s not healthy and you will find yourself doing stupid –ish like getting them a credit card on your account knowing good well they have jacked up credit. You will put them on your car insurance knowing damn well they will drive your premium up because they can’t drive worth –ish. You will get them a cell phone on your plan and they can’t even pay their own damn cell phone bill. You will let them drive your car, and those little dents and scratches will somehow be someone else’s fault because they won’t know how they got there.  Don’t become a victim of fake requite love. You’ll confuse it with lust.

For the record, I can’t stand you folks when you say, “I just wanted to make them happy.” Listen here, if you’re not happy, then how the hell can you make someone else happy? And, if they are not happy, then how the hell can you make them happy? Chile, puhlease, misery loves company and I refuse to go out of my way trying to make someone else happy and they over there complaining and yapping at the gums. You should have put your d**k in her mouth and told her to taste the flavor and shut the hell up!!!

And, I wish someone would tell me, “-ish happens, deal with it,” after losing both of my parents. I would have punched her in her mouth and said, “Bish, -ish happens. Deal with that!”

Look, I know how it feels to lose a parent. I lost my mother. You shut down. You don’t want to be bothered with anyone or anything. You’re hurting and in pain. There’s nothing like a parent’s love, especially in your situation because they were your only family. They give you advice, love, and if you’re going through something you can pick up the phone and dial them up. They always have a kind word, or some wonderful advice to give. It’s a horrible feeling to lose a parent. And, those who haven’t shouldn’t be so insensitive to those who have.

And, please know that what you’re going through is perfectly normal. When you lose someone who is close to you, there is a period of grieving that you must go through. And, there is no time limit on the amount of time you need to heal. Some folks take months, others take years. It is your process and your emotions. You have to allow yourself to feel them and move through them. It will get better as time goes by, but it will take time. Stop rushing the process and stop trying to get over it so quickly. Do you realize you lost both of your parents? And, you’re the only child? I know how that feels. You probably feel lost and alone in the world. You feel abandoned. You don’t have anyone to turn to, call, or share this process with because you are their only child.

I am happy that you pursued counseling, and I strongly encourage you to continue with the therapy. It will help you process your feelings and emotions. Talking with someone about what you’re experiencing will help you grieve and find closure for yourself. But, again, it will take time. And, don’t worry about your ex. Let her show her ass all over the internet, and you can help her out by revealing all those naked pictures she sent you. Grow some nuts and put on your big boy drawers. Get a backbone and some bass in your voice. Stop rolling over and letting people treat you like crap. Just because you’re going through something doesn’t make you a permanent victim. Rise up, my child. Rise up! And, keep your head up. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE! 

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