Dear Bossip: I Keep Catching My Husband Inappropriately Texting Other Women

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Hello Bossip,

My hubby and I have been married 10 years with 2 kids. He is in the military.

I am having a serious problem and I will try to make this short even though there is a lot to my story.

One night we had friends over and we were drinking and ended up messing around with another couple. (Me with her hubby, her with mine) This is not something we have ever done before. Ever since then my hubby keeps asking for a threesome with another girl. I keep saying no!!

One night after my birthday, and a couple drinks, he invited the husband over without me knowing, as I was half asleep and drunk. In the morning he told me we had a threesome. (Same husband from above)

I told him after that I never want to do it again because I know its wrong and I was not raised that way. Months later, I went through his cell phone and found a girl he was texting. He was telling her how he wanted her to send him naked pictures, and he wanted to sleep with her. When I confronted him, he said they met at the car wash after almost crashing into each other. They exchanged numbers, and they were basically just texting, and had never met up. He deleted her number after I confronted him.

Everything was fine until he went out of state, and when he came home I found another text with a different girl, and he was again asking for more pictures and asking if she wanted a threesome. I confronted him. He tried to say someone was using his phone, but I knew that was a lie. So, finally he tells me he was sorry and doesn’t want me to be mad because he never got a picture, and they never met up. There were no pictures when I looked through his phone.

He is now deployed. Recently he came home on R & R and when he left to go back to Afghan, I saw a message on his Facebook page from another girl asking her to send him pictures to his email. I confronted him. He said he never got the picture and that he was sorry.  After that I noticed he deleted her from his Facebook page. At this point I was so mad I told him I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was feeling totally disrespected and I feel I can’t trust him. He kept trying to talk and I told him when he finds a way to regain my trust then we can talk.

What do you think I should do? It’s been four days and he hasn’t emailed me again trying to apologize or open up as to what his problem is. I am heart-broken and confused because even though he hasn’t cheated, I can’t help but wonder why he keeps asking for pictures because I also send him picturess when he ask me to. And, trust me, I do take sexy pictures because he is my husband. So, I don’t know what the problem is. I am only 110 lbs. He always tells me I am pretty, so I know he is not looking for something else because I am not fat and ugly. I need help figuring out what to do. I don’t want my kids to miss out on not having Dad around but I just feel totally disrespected because I have talked to him each time I caught him which is now the 3rd time. Help me please. Thanks. – Confused And Tired

Dear Ms. Confused And Tired,

This is what happens when you open Pandora’s Box, and you’re trying to close it, but it’s too late. Once she is open you can’t do anything about it. She is free and wants to continue the path you’ve started down.

You and your husband engaged in a sex swap session with another couple, and then when you husband approached you to engage in a threesome you said no. Now, I know couples do things to try to spice up their marriage, but I’m curious as to why would you engage in a swapping of spouses if you’re against having a threesome with your husband? You both slept with other people, which is technically cheating, despite either of you being present during the act. So, were you, and had you been interested in sleeping with another man? Is that a desire of yours? I’ll wait while you ponder those questions.

But, I’m more disturbed and bothered by the fact that your husband would invite another man over, and while you were drunk and half sleep, he and the other man had a threesome with you. WOW! That’s some low down cold-blooded –ish right there. I don’t care who you’re married to, or in a relationship with, but for your mate to invite a friend over and force themselves on you without your consent or knowledge is grounds for divorce, and some grits being thrown on his ass while he’s sleep.

You better boil you some water and when his ass goes to sleep, ba-by, you need to douse him with said water all over his nuts. I’m certain he won’t make the error again.

And, quick question: Is your husband bisexual or possibly have gay tendencies? I mean, he did invite another man over to have a threesome with his drunk and half sleep wife. Two men, and one woman (who is drunk and half sleep). Hmmmm, makes you wonder.

But, I digress.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I wouldn’t leave any open containers around your husband that you’re drinking from. No ma’am. I think he is slipping you something in your drink, which is causing you to black out. Now, you don’t have to believe me, but go to the doctor and get a blood test. If they discover some date rape drug, or roofies in your blood system, well, I’m just putting it out there that your husband is the culprit.

(Boil that damn water, girl!)

On to the next topic. Your husband has completely destroyed your trust, and he’s done it several times over. Girl, you’ve caught him several different times communicating with other women asking for pictures, and soliciting sex from them. Two times you caught him with his own cell phone, and the third time was via the internet. Am I missing something here, or are you really that naïve and stupid?

Either your husband has got to be the dumbest ass man who keeps getting caught doing the same thing, or he wants you to catch him and he’s hopeful that you’ll change your mind and ask to join in for a threesome.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that he wants you to catch him. I mean come the freak on! You keep catching him. He keeps apologizing that it won’t happen again, which your dumbass believes, and he deletes the girl’s numbers. Which I doubt very seriously. He may have deleted their numbers out of his phone, but those numbers are secured someplace else. Trust me!

However, here’s the problem, sweetie. You have not reprimanded, or gave any recourse of action due to his behavior. So, every time you catch him asking for women to send him pictures, and they’re talking about hooking up for sex, you sit your simple ass over there trying to talk it out with him. Uhm, no ma’am. Whoop that ass!!! Let him know you’re not the one to be played with, and as I stated before at the top of my response when he and his friend had a threesome with you without your knowledge, wait until his ass goes to sleep and boil that damn water and douse his nuts!!!

YOUR HUSBAND IS OUT OF POCKET, AND HE CONTINUES TO VIOLATE YOU! Stop the madness and the “one day my husband will stop and see how he’s hurting me,” routine. He’s not going to stop. He’s not going to end his charade of operation “Get P***Y.”

You need to set some boundaries and let him know what you will and will not tolerate. Stop letting him get away with texting other women, and trying to set up some booty call. Real talk, it’s time to get up in his ass!!!

Now, you’re talking about you’re heart-broken and confused, which you should be, after you learned that your husband was on Facebook communicating with another woman, and he’s in Afghan, which his ass needs to be focused on the war instead of getting naked pictures of women. The hell is going on!!!!! But, it’s been a few days and you haven’t heard from him, and he hasn’t apologized or communicated as to what his problem is. SMDH! Girl, please, stop it. You can’t be that dumb. But, it could be the residual effects from that roofie still in your system. (That’s shade being thrown by me)

This is your husband’s problem: He wants some other tail. He wants to sample some other punany. Ever since he got up in his friend’s wife snatch, he now wants to run up in other women. And, since you don’t want to do the threesome with him, he is out scouring the earth searching for other women to engage in a threesome with him. And, based on my bull-ish calculator, he is going to find two chickenheads who will happily oblige him.

This is the time for you to get your –ish together and stop mopping around waiting on him to man up and tell you what the problem is. He’s not. And, trust me, you’re not going to do what it takes to fix it. So, again, fix his narrow ass and boil that damn hot water and douse his nuts!!! Let me stop saying that before you take me serious and do the damn thing. I don’t want no subpoena from you and your lawyers after you scorch his ass. LMBAO!

Listen, girl, I’m certain your husband may be a good dad to his kids. But, that doesn’t make him a great husband. Stop confusing the two. Some men are good fathers, but make horrible husbands. His actions and what he’s showing you is not in alignment with a man who is a dedicated and a committed husband. Although, there are some issues and challenges you need to discuss, however, your husband is already stepping out on you and the marriage. Now, unless he’s interested in salvaging the marriage, and moving forward to resolving the issues he has, then there’s nothing you can do. He has to want to make the changes. He has to want to be in a monogamous relationship, and be a husband to you. You can’t make him do those things. If that’s not what he wants, then boo boo, it’s time to get them papers in order, and move on. Now, go boil that damn water! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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Make sure to order my books  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

    

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