Dear Bossip: I’m Married But My Ex Keeps Harassing & Stalking Me

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I need advice really badly.  OK, I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 29 years old.

We were together for 5 years. This man also supported me financially by helping me get a car after high school and giving me a weekly allowance so I that didn’t have to work while in school. Throughout those years, we’ve had our ups and downs but ultimately I loved this man. Five years into our relationship he dumps me over something really petty. I was completely heartbroken but decided it was for the best.

So, I move away and we stayed in touch on and off. About 6 months after our break-up I realized that my life is just so much better without him. I no longer had to stress over him cheating on me or getting abusive or his momma who hated me. I ended up moving back home and started dating my now husband. This is when my ex started stalking me. He would be sitting outside my house, showing up unannounced, leaving crazy threatening voice message, etc. He’s now telling me he loves me and wants to marry me. I changed my number, involved the police, told everyone what was going on.

So, after about 3 months he finally starts to leave me alone. We get married, have a baby, move into our new house- start living a wonderful life with my hubby…Then, bam! Dude sends me an-8 page, 12 font, single spaced letter to my new house! It was part love letter and part confessions of a delusional man. We got the police involved again and I was really stressed out over the whole situation. I was missing work, throwing up, just plain sick. About two weeks later I learned I was pregnant. Then my husband says something I did not expect: he accuses me of having sex with my ex (in his words: “How did he know where we live?”) and carrying his baby.

Now, we start having marital problems. My ex sends packages to my job and home.  I mean it was crazy. The last letter he sends states he will never contact me again. Good! So, I have the baby and things start to get a little more normal. (Still having marital problems though). But, I don’t know why I have been having dreams about my ex. Some dreams are of him chasing me. Others are of us being in the same room and me trying to get out. I just had one last night of him proposing me to me and saying he will take care of me and my kids. What does this all mean? Why am I dreaming of him? I don’t even dream about my husband!

I know I can’t talk to my husband about this because he will just accuse me of cheating on him again… I just cannot talk to that man. I’m starting to think that he is working with a witch doctor or something to get into my psyche. I’ve only started having these dreams after he started stalking me the second time around. I know I still care for my ex, but another relationship- HELL NO! I value myself too highly to even consider cheating on my husband with him or leaving to be with him. Last night, I jumped up and started praying over my kids because I was so shook up from the dream. What should I do? – Dreaming Of Mr. Wrong

Dear Ms. Dreaming Of Mr. Wrong,

Girl, you better get up in a church and get Big Momma and ‘em to get the prayer circle ready to lay hands and pray over you. That man is working some Hoo-Doo and Voo-Doo on you, and you’ve got to shake him loose! In the name of JESUS I UNBIND YOU!!! (Starts speaking in tongues: He-be-be-be-Ashawn-ta-Beyonce-be-be-be)

Let me stop! But, I’m serious. You need to loose that man and let him be. You are holding on to him just as he is holding on to you. I always tell folks about the sharing and combining of spirits. You’ve got to be careful of who you lay with and spread your legs for. All spirits are not good or clean, and once your spirit binds to another person’s it’s difficult to get rid of them. Especially an unhealthy and damaged spirit. You don’t believe me, ask Prophetess Juanita Bynum. And, I suggest you purchase her DVD called, “No More Sheets.” Ba-by, she breaks it down about the unhinging of spirits and how a man’s spirit can be all up in you, and without proper spiritual cleansing you’ll never get rid of him. (I’ll post a few videos below of her DVD).

But, I do think it’s imperative that you tell your husband what’s going on, and communicate effectively about the situation. Start from the beginning and give all the details. As painful as it may be to hear or say, you’ve got to be honest. Tell the truth. I swear you married folks, and folks in relationships don’t know how to open your mouths and speak your truths. You can say every damn thing else, but when it comes to your relationships, all of a sudden you become stuck on stupid and don’t know what to say. Grow some balls, well, put on your big girl panties. You need the support from your husband, and hopefully he will be supportive.

And, since your bat crazy ass ex refuses to leave you alone, it does require getting the police involved. Keep a detailed record, and account of what your ex is doing. Document everything. Save the text messages and voice messages. Hell, install a surveillance camera and have his on camera. Do what you have to do to protect you and your family. File a restraining order. There are some stalker laws out there, and get his ass brought up on some charges. Do what you got to do and stop p***y-footing around.

And, your husband needs to be on your side. You can’t blame him for asking questions, especially after you moved and your ex just starts sending packages to your home and job. It’s not uncommon for a loved one to ask that question because it does raise doubt and suspicion when a crazy ex keeps showing up. What are you doing that they refuse to leave you alone, and are you two still communicating? I would ask the same damn questions!

But, I’m surprised that your husband hasn’t already stomped a hole in his ass. What type of man are you married to? Man to man, on the real, some fist-to-cuffs would be dished out. Your husband needs to step to dude in a calm manner and let him know, “The hell you stalking my wife and family for? Bruh, this is my first and last warning to you. Leave me and my freaking wife alone! If I catch you again it won’t be pretty, and I don’t have a problem being sent upstate.” The end!

And, those dreams about your ex, uhm, sweetie, you said the dreams are of him chasing you. Others are of the two of you being in the same room and you’re trying to get out. Then you had one recently of him proposing to you and saying he will take care of you and your kids. And, you’re asking me what does this all mean, and why are you dreaming of him? Let’s see, (pulls out my bull-ish calculator). In the dreams you’re trying to get away from him. Hmmm, the square root of dumb is dumber. I guess the dreams are an interpretation of you trying to escape your ex. That’s what the bull-ish calculator states.

But, you don’t want to escape him, and you won’t. I’m doing some more calculations on my bull-ish calculator. Now, carry the two and divide that by two and I get WHY ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO HIM AND HE’S HOLDING ON TO YOU? Oh, yeah, it’s because crazy attracts crazy. Herein lies your problem; you wrote: I know I still care for my ex, but another relationship- HELL NO!

My dear, you are still carrying a torch for him. You are still holding on to some feelings for him. I’m curious as to how you can care for someone who is causing so much stress and strife in your life? How can you care for someone who obviously doesn’t care or respect you and your marriage? How can you possibly care for someone who refuses to obey the law, listen to your demands, and basically doesn’t give a flying f**k about you? I’ll wait while you ponder those things.

I’m going to wrap this up because my bull-ish calculator says that’s it’s time that you explore what the laws are in your state regarding a CCW (Carrying A Concealed Weapon). If he’s harassing you, and you feel threatened and in danger, well, the next time he shows up at your house or job unexpectedly, then introduce him to Smith & Wesson. Chile, he’ll learn his lesson with a bullet in his ass, and he’s laid up in Kings County Hospital. And, you need to get a spiritual cleansing and unhinge that man’s spirit from yours, and you need to be willing to let him go. Stop thinking about him, drudging him up, and carrying these unresolved feelings for him. LET HIM GO!!!! And, please, please, please get the DVD by Juanita Bynum, “No More Sheets.” There are some preview videos below. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

    

Prophetess Juanita Bynum – “No More Sheets” Part I

Prophetess Juanita Bynum – “No More Sheets” Part II

Prophetess Juanita Bynum – “No More Sheets” Part III

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