Dear Bossip,

About a month ago, I went out with friends while my girlfriend stayed home.

She drank with family, and a family friend who is a friend of mine. They proceeded to drink the whole night. My girlfriend fell asleep as she normally does when she drinks too much. The issue that I’m having is that when I came home he was cuddled up next to her, and passed out under the covers with her. I wake her up and she is in shock that he is next to her. He gets up and leaves the next day. He comes back to apologize to her while I’m at work. My girlfriend says it’s cool and that she told him that she knows he didn’t mean anything by it. He waited two weeks to confront me, and he uses the, “I’m embarrassed excuse.”

Ever since then, me and him grew distant, yet it seems like whenever I’m not around they hang out. My girlfriend knows it makes me uncomfortable but he is a family friend, so there is no avoiding him. I just know that when I’m there he isn’t, but once I leave he texts her asking what she is doing, can they hangout, drink, etc.

I trust my girlfriend, and I know she doesn’t mess with dudes, but it’s him I’m worried about. Why if she fell asleep did he stay in her house, in her room, then say he passed out, yet he looked pretty comfy under the covers as if he made an effort to get comfortable before passing out? I know when I get faded I bounce from other people’s cribs. I don’t crawl in bed with them!  Gimme advice and let me know what you think his intentions are and what should I do. Please help Bossip! – Leery Of My Girl’s Friend

Dear Ms. Leery Of My Girl’s Friend,

Uhm, sweetie, he is trying to bang your girl. That’s the nuts and bolt of this situation. End of story.

It ain’t no way in hell anybody can be that damn drunk and be passed out under the covers and cuddled with someone. Hell to the naw! No ma’am. I don’t believe that bull-ish. I’m like you, if you’re that faded and drunk you pass out like regular folks sprawled out on the floor, or the sofa, or the front porch on the steps, the hood of the car, in the alley with your pants around your ankles, the doorway of your house with your keys in the door, on the kitchen floor next to the refrigerator with the door open, or the bathroom floor next to the toilet, hell, you may even be passed out on the roof trying to climb into a window. But, to be under the cover and cuddled with someone, that is a set-up. That is intentional. He planned that, honey. Watch his little narrow sneaky ass!

I see it’s that time to pull out the bull-ish calculator because that MoFo is on one! Let’s see here: I’ve done some adding, some dividing, then you carry the two, add seven, and the square root of bull-ish is more bull-ish. The screen actually stated: I don’t trust him. I don’t believe him. That knee-grow is up to no good and you need to keep an eye on him.

Whatever platonic relationship your girl may think they have, uhm, her being a lesbian hasn’t made her that naïve and out-of-touch with her feminine intuition. Dude is trying to smash. He is trying to get out of the friend zone and, into the sex and “make her my girlfriend” zone. Ms. Thang, he’s not to be trusted. Look at his actions: He’s texting your girl when you are not around and asking if they can hangout and drink. He’s sneaking and doing low brow –ish because he knows you’re on to him and his game. And, dude is hoping he will catch your girl slipping again that’s why he keeps inviting her out  without you around, because he has hopes that she will get drunk again and he can cuddle up with her, and hopefully next time stick his penis in her, by accident, and then blame it on the alcohol. Owwww, Jamie Foxx in the building – Blame it on the Henney; Blame it on the Goose; Blame it on the al-al-al-alcohol!

Look here, I’m glad that you trust your girlfriend and all, but err uhm, on the real, I don’t trust her with alcohol and with him. That is a bad combination. She seems to be the type that when she drinks too much, that she passes out and doesn’t know what happened, and it’s the perfect set-up for him to get it in with her and she not know what happened. And, I’m also a little concerned that she may be encouraging him and leading him on. Think about it, she hasn’t confronted him about his behavior, and they continue to hang out and drink, thus, it can be leading him to believe that she wants to get busy with him. Chile, trust me, folks will read into –ish and interpret what they want to believe by someone’s actions. And, though you and your girl are in a relationship as the happy lesbian couple, he may be reading from her actions toward him that she may be open to getting some d**k on the side. And, who better to give it to her than him. They hang out, enjoy each other’s company, and get drunk together. They tell their secrets to one another, and he knows a lot about her considering he is a family friend.

According to my bull-ish calculator if you add the right amount of Ciroc + mixed with her emotions + a dash of her vulnerability, and that equals = THROW THEM LEGS BACK AND TAP THAT ASS!!! Owwww, that’s going to be the title of my new single in 2012 – THROW THEM LEGS BACK (In my Jeezy voice).

Now, either she puts him in his place and let him know what’s the deal and how nothing will ever, ever, ever go down between them, or she ends the friendship. And, from what you told me, I don’t think she is going to end her friendship with him. She is getting something out of their relationship that you can’t provide. I don’t know what it is, but being with him provides her with something, and you won’t and can’t replace it. So, ask her what it is. Ask her what does she see in him that you don’t or can’t see. Ask her why are they such close friends, and why she feels she can open up with him and feel comfortable. Just know that they’ve been friends for years, and he is a friend of the family, so chile, I’m sorry but he’s not going anywhere.

You can sit over there and pout, be angry, jealous, and bitter all you want. Hell, you can talk to your girlfriend until you’re blue in the face of how uncomfortable you are about their relationship, but if she doesn’t feel uncomfortable then nothing is going to change. She is not going to stop being his friend because of you. If anything, your jealousy and insecurity will push them closer together, as well as emotionally and mentally dependent on each other. She is going to keep telling him all the reasons of why you don’t like him, and he’s going to be the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on, and the safety net to let her inhibitions down. The more you complain, the further you drive her and him away from you, and into each other’s arms. And, trust and believe when I tell you this: WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS, HE WILL STILL BE AROUND. BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS COME AND GO, BUT FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS THERE TO HELP PICK UP THE PIECES, AND HELP THEM TO MOVE ON!

So, don’t let him affect your relationship. Don’t give him that much power over you and your relationship. If you keep giving devoting all your energy into fighting him, telling her how you don’t like him, and why they shouldn’t be friends, you are taking energy away from your relationship and yourself. Stop depleting and start depositing positive loving energy into your life and relationship. Besides, he’s not your friend, he’s your girlfriend’s friend. Let your girlfriend find her own way to draw her own conclusions about him. My grandmother always told me that a wolf in sheep’s clothing will always be revealed. A leopard cannot change it’s spots. So, let her get to the space where she can see that he has feelings, both emotional and romantic, for her. Let her get the gas face when he confesses to her about his undying love for her during one of their drunken stupors. She’ll see everything you told her loud and clear. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

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Make sure to order my books  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!