I met a guy who loved to express how different he was as man.
Of course, I was curious and attempted to make myself available to get to know him better. He stated he’s an investor and works a lot. The first month of getting to know one another, we would meet up in our cars talk for a while and then leave. Our phone conversations also went good for this month. I called myself being honest about having a male “friend” on the side, who was my hanging out buddy, and who was my “Buddy,” too.
Now, the guy I met opened up about how financially comfortable he is, and how he’s looking for a real woman to be devoted to, and what plush houses he owns, and how he’s the brother who his family relies on financially, etc. However, I learned during the first month that he had a controlling characteristic. That first month, he called it quits because I didn’t answer my phone and we had gotten intimate prior, and upon explaining learning where I was and with whom, he assumed I got busy with my Buddy. Which wasn’t correct. We were out with others at the bar that night. So, all in all, he broke it off with me.
Weeks went by and I had been trying to explain the misunderstanding to get him back. I wanted him as a friend and more than a friend. He finally met up with me, by car, and we patched things up. I wound up letting my Buddy go and explain that I was trying to start a real relationship with someone who can handle my lifestyle. I am a divorced mom of three and I have custody of my children and I get limited help from their father’s, and I lack family support because my family is small and I lost both of parents. So, my guy lead me to think we gone work on a new relationship and someone I could lean on too.
Well, it’s been four months now, and last night I let him come by and get his things and he gave me my key back. I’m stunned, but slightly relieved. I know there is no perfect person, but I thought he was my settling down guy. He never physically abused me, but he would say things that I mentioned to him that were hurtful. He is physically disabled, but he never let me see his body totally. He would hide his disability fully. He always drove different cars and he lived in the boondocks and, yet, I’ve never rode in a vehicle with him and I’ve never been out in public with him, nor seen his so plush of a home. All I have ever seen is the money he totes around. Of course I asked him more than once if he was married. I even explained if he’s a hustler, then he can go on. His reasoning being, he works a lot and is on a mission to be a millionaire in 2012. He’s not married. He just wants a real woman because he was about to marry his child’s mother, but she turned crazy and got herself pregnant to keep him around. And now he doesn’t trust females.
Our last argument lead to him getting his stuff out of my place. It was over a concert he went to. He says his coworkers invited him and he couldn’t say no. Mind you, we never have been anywhere and that struck a cord with me. He mentioned how good the concert was and how best dressed he was and how ladies were complimenting his attire. I simply asked him to take a photo so I can see. He never sent me a picture, and days went by without me receiving it. So, one night he mentioned the outfit. Sarcastically, I said, “You must have sent that to someone else, because I never got that picture you owed me.” He gets bent and says, “I was just about to show it to you, but since you assuming I sent it to another person, I am too tired to reach the phone.”
There has been this back and forth periodically for months now regarding different scenarios. I feel like he’s definitely hiding something and compensating money in it’s place. Ultimately, I cannot be sold or kiss ass at this point. I am stunned because I thought I met a serious man wanting a real relationship. He says I play too many games, but all I be wanting is his time, but making money is that time. So, Terrance give me some feedback, just how you do it!! – What’s Up With Him
Dear Ms. What’s Up With Him,
Let’s see here, uhm, Ma’am, there is nothing to tell you. There is nothing to say. You didn’t have a relationship with this mysterious man. You didn’t have anything invested in him. And, you certainly were not his woman, and neither was he ever your man.
And, who the hell is romantically and physically intimate with someone and you don’t know their disability? How was this man able to hide his physical disability from you? Did y’all have sex in a dark cave, and he just climbed on top of you and did his business and told you not to touch him? Where they do that at?
I’ll be damned if I climb into bed with someone and I know they have a physical disability. I want to see what limbs are missing, or any scars, or Keloids, or whatever you are trying to hide. We’re not getting into anyone’s bed until we discuss this physical impairment. What happened? Why? When? And, how?
Chile, as you all can see women are so freaking desperate that they are now dating physically impaired men, whom they don’t know what their physically impairment is, just so they can have a man, well, a d**k. AND, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DATING SOMEONE WITH A PHYSICAL HANDICAP, but, uhm, any person with common sense would at least inquire, or know, or see what physical impairment they have. What if something happens and they need assistance that you can’t provide? How about they go to the hospital and when the nurses check them in and ask you what’s going on, your Klump ass won’t know what to say because you don’t know what’s their physical disability? Stop trying to collect these disability checks from these men to support your weekly weave treatments, or your kids RayRay and Peaches’ school outfits.
But, this is my concern, and here we go again with these old supposedly intelligent smart women who have their –ish together, but don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. You said, “He always drove different cars and he lived in the boondocks and yet I’ve never rode in vehicle with him and I’ve never been out in public with him, nor seen his so plush of a home.” This statement right here made me want to punch your dumbass in your left breast.
I’ve said it over and over again and I see that I have to repeat myself: (Stands on pulpit and clears throat) You are not in a relationship with a man, and nor does he consider you his woman if you don’t know where he lives, or ever been to his home. Your dumbasss has never been to any of his plush homes, or seen any of his expensive properties, yet, you’re opening your legs and letting him run up in you raw, and he has keys to your home. DOES THAT MAKE ANY TYPE OF MOFO SENSE TO YOU!?!?! Think, damn it! Think!!! Ugh! Then, this MoFo doesn’t invite you out, nor does he introduce you to any of his friends, family members, or co-workers. Sigh! You’re truly sad. What is the last level of education you received? But, hold up, this man had keys to your home and you didn’t even know where he lived, where he worked, or met anyone who is close with him? You see, this is why I refuse to become friends, interact, or socialize with folks like you. Being dumb, stupid, and ignorant is not always inherited. Sometimes you can catch it just by being in the vicinity of folks, and I refuse to be anywhere close to you. Whomever you’re socializing with, I suggest that you alienate them from your circle, and get into therapy IMMEDIATELY!
And, I want you to think about this: You said, “The first month of getting to know one another, we would meet up in our cars talk for a while then leave.” How old are you two? Who the hell is meeting up in cars and talking and leaving? Let me guess, you were meeting up in the Wal-Mart or Kroger parking lot and talking from your respective cars. You over there giggling and sniggling with your hand over your mouth acting like Celie from The Color Purple. SMDH! Thus, the reason you never been in any of his vehicles, or ever seeing his physical disability. Girl, does he have any legs? Does he have a d**K? Or, was he using a dildo or screw-on d**k to perform on you? LMBAO!!! I can’t today!
Now, I also noticed in your letter that you said you were divorced with custody of your three children with no help from their father’s. Uhm, excuse me Ms., but, err uhm, father’s? As in more than one father for your three children, and you’re divorced??? So, were you looking for a new man to come in and take responsibility for the lack thereof from the father’s who are absent? Just asking.
And, excuse me again, but, I have another question. You mentioned that the last argument was over a concert he went to, without you, and how everyone was bragging about his outfit, that you didn’t see, and you asked him to take a photo, that you never saw. Hmmmmmm. And, then you say, “He gets bent and says, “I was just about to show it to you, but since you assuming I sent it to another person, I am too tired to reach the phone.”” Well, at this point you should have reached over him and picked up his phone and handed it to him. “Since you’re too tired to reach for it, I got it for you. Now, show me the picture.” And, you should have had your hands on your hips, lips perched, and head cocked to the side.
Whatever he is trying to overcompensate for, probably his disability, that does not mean you have to bend over and kiss his ass, nor act so desperate. And, I can’t stand disabled people who say they want folks to treat them like regular people because they are regular people, but then they use their disability when it’s convenient for them to do hurtful things to other people. Look, you need to let him know, “I don’t know what your problem is, and why you feel inadequate because of your disability, but you’re not going to mistreat me and make me feel bad for your inadequacies. Now, you better get your –ish together and treat me right before I push you down the stairs in your wheelchair.” – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!