I’m a 22 year old female and I have an 8-month old baby by a liar.
I met him last year in July and he told me that he had a little girl. Okay, that’s fine. When I became 6 months pregnant he went to jail. I didn’t know he went to jail I just figured he just stopped coming around. So, when I was 7 months pregnant I contacted the girl name he had tatted on him thinking she was the mother of the daughter he told me about. But, this woman has two sons by him. So, we started talking via Facebook. She then tells me she has a 5 year old son and a 2 month old son (this is while I’m 7 months pregnant, so yeah we were pregnant at the same time). And, the reason they are not together is because he lied about his kids. She tells me he has 11 kids. I didn’t know what to think or believe.
So, he gets out of jail and my baby is 3 months old. I bring to his attention that I know how he has been lying to me from day one. He really never said anything about it. I leave it alone because I was focused on my child. So, we get a place together and it has been nothing but drama. He lies to me, went behind my back and spent $1000 of mine, and he still talks to the baby momma that told me all the things about him.
I really want him to leave, but nothing works. I don’t want to get the police involved because he is my baby’s father and I don’t want to lose my apartment. Things have gotten so out of control now all we do is argue and fight (he actual put his hands one). And, most of the time it’s in front of my child. It hurts me so much afterwards that she has to see that he constantly hurts me, but he is sorry, and me and the baby is all he got. I do love him, but I see no future with him. I feel so stuck and alone to the point I don’t know what to do. Please give me some advice and be totally honest with me. Hurt And Confused
Dear Ms. Hurt And Confused,
Ma’am you really don’t want me to be honest with you. You really don’t. Trust me. I will hurt your feelings, and you’re already in an abusive relationship (emotionally, mentally, and physically). I will do more harm than good. So, I’m just going to respond like this:
I’m confused that you were dating this boy, pregnant by him, and six months into your pregnancy he disappears and you just simply figured he stopped coming around. (* /- *)
I don’t know of any woman, who has common sense and half a brain, that would be dismissive (look it up, I don’t have time to explain it) about her child’s father and his abrupt disappearance during her pregnancy. But, I guess when you’re from the Where-Dey-Do-Dat-At-Projects, then men coming and going from your houses and lives doesn’t really seem out of the ordinary.
Then, during your seventh month of pregnancy, you decide to reach out to the woman whose name is tattooed on him because you figured it was his other baby momma? (* /- *) Jesus done took the wheel and drove me home to glory. I’m done! I can’t! I refuse! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
You know what, it’s awards season and you get the Side Eye Of The Year Award for Dubious Baby Momma Who Is Dumb As A Rock!
And, I’m sorry. Excuse me for one moment. But, after you contacted his other baby momma, who has two kids by your man, (a 5 year old and a 2 month old), which you learned that you both were pregnant at the same time, and he gets out of jail and your baby is 3 months old, and you pick up where you left off, then you bring it to his attention that you know about his infidelities, lying, and other 11 possible children, and he doesn’t apologize or explain himself, and you just leave it alone????? You see folks, this is what happens when you collect a check from the government and you have no expectations of your life. This is what happens when your main focus is getting your hair and nails done and shopping at the mall to get an outfit to wear around the projects. This is what happens when you let corrupt and tainted d**k run up in you raw.
But, hold up and plug the drain. You mean to tell me that your ghetto trifling ass moved in with this bum ass dude after all he’s put you through, and done to you???? Chiiiiiiilllllllllleeeeeeee, this is why I am a strong proponent against welfare, and I strongly believe that certain people, i.e. “YOU,” should not be allowed to procreate without a psychological and mental examination to ensure that you are sane enough to bring children into this world. I am putting together a petition for the Welfare Administration to cut certain people off from receiving benefits, and that all of them need to be seen by a psychiatrist, or mental health specialist. It’s abundantly clear that you suffer from the harmful side effects of your mother’s lack of parental guidance, and being dropped on your head as a baby and no one told you that you are a special needs child. I know you are sitting over there with your pink helmet on, talkin’ about, “It’s Pink Friday, bishes. I’m a Barbie,” while you’re rocking back and forth in your high chair.
I’m just trying to understand this one thing as well. The other baby momma told you that he has 11 kids, and you say that you don’t know what to believe???? Your man is the local community d**k that’s been dipping in every women in your hood and you’re the rat that let him move in. You’re the bird that let him lay up in your nest. And, he lies to you, steals from you, beats you, and you don’t want to call the cops on him because, “I love him. And, he says that me and the baby is all he got. I just want to love the hurt away that he feels.” Well, the next time he punches you in the face in front of your daughter, I want you to explain to her that this is what men do when they love you. They beat on you and make you feel inadequate and less than. They hurt you over and over again and it’s okay because all I got to do is cook him something to eat and go have sex with him. When we have sex he lets me know how sorry he is, and that he loves me. So, you know what, you deserve everything you get!
This boy, because he is not a man, nor is he a father, has stolen from you, lied to you, and abuses you, and you think this behavior is okay? You actually think he is going to settle down and be with you and your daughter when he is not around for any of his other children? You are hoping and wishing he’ll settle down with you and you’ll get him to be the man he should be?
Listen here, in the honor of Martin Luther King, Jr., and his birthday and what he’s done for us, I’m letting you know that I HAVE A DREAM for you: First of all, you have to be a woman, a lady. Respect yourself. Stop letting this man belittle, mistreat, and abuse you. Call the MoFo cops on his ass!!! I don’t care if he is your baby’s father! Girl, he is a sperm donor. He is not contributing to you or uplifting you. He is not empowering you or inspiring you to your greatness. Leave his bum, broke, trifling, tainted little ass d**k alone!!! He doesn’t have a job, money, a home, or anything to offer you. If he is not helping you build, then he is destroying you! Leave! RUN! Change the locks on the door and put his nasty crusty ass boxers, jeans, and t-shirts in a Hefty garbage bag and set it outside!
If you want to do better, then you have to start treating yourself better. If you want change, then it begins with you. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE FOR YOU OR NO ONE! He keeps showing you his dirty rusty ass to kiss and you happily oblige by getting on your knees. STOP IT! Show his narrow ass you’re overhim.com and that you’re not putting up with his abuse or lies. It’s time to march the streets of your neighborhood, and take back your life and sanity. It’s time be free! Free of the Pooqie’s, Ray Ray’s, and Tay Tay’s of the world that destroy our communities and women. Free of the Shequasha’s, Kee Kee’s, and Denashia’s of the world that don’t know their rightful place, and allow men to misuse them and abuse them. Stand up to your man and let him know that there will be no more beatings, arguments, and lying. You’re done. It’s over. And, don’t be afraid to call the cops. You won’t lose your apartment because I’m certain his name is not on the lease. Therefore, he has not right being in YOUR HOME! Get a freaking backbone and put on your big girl panties. And, if you need to, then put his ass in jail. He’ll learn his lesson, but in the meantime you have to reclaim your life, your power, your mind, and your daughter’s life. You can do it! Believe that you can! – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!