I appreciate hearing the male perspective on relationships and want to get your break-down of what women can expect from men in the first few months of dating.
Both people are feeling it out to see where it goes, but what behaviors tells a woman that a man is really interested as opposed to just stringing you along?
I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months. Things were going well – we had mutual interest, respected each other’s space, and had good chemistry. We were taking it slow. But, things got slowed down and he said he didn’t have as much time for me. I got different advice from different girlfriends. Some thought I should just drop the relationship & move on. Others said I should give him some space and keep trying to keep things going on a simmer. I try to be understanding of his needs, but feel like if he’s not investing time, then he’s not invested in the relationship.
How long would you say is a good time to give this a chance? How do I know if he’s not just playing me? And from a man’s perspective, what does it look like when a guy IS interested? – Frustrated
Dear Ms. Frustrated,
Girl, it’s over. It’s done. It’s a wrap.
마무리 (In Korean).
完 (In Chinese).
Let’s see here – you’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months, and you say there was mutual interest, you respected each other’s space, had good chemistry, and you were taking it slow. But, things slowed down, and he said he didn’t have much time for you. Well, the only thing you can take from that is either he is telling you the truth and that he doesn’t have much time for you, or things were not as good as you thought they were, and he was just not feeling you.
You say you try to be understanding of his needs, but I feel like you when you say that if he’s not investing time, then he’s not invested in the relationship. Any man who is interested in being with you will find the time, make the time, and create the time for the woman he wants to be with. There will be no excuses. There will be no, “I don’t have time for you,” statements. Any woman worth having and getting is worth putting the time and effort in pursuing and keeping.
I think you should be happy that after 2 months your relationship basically ended. Although he didn’t directly say it was over, however, in other words not having time for you is just another way of saying, “I don’t think this is going anywhere, and I don’t want to waste any more time in it and in you.” Believe me, it could have gone on for 6 months, a year, or several years of you chasing after him, and him not being honest enough to say anything. You would have started to wonder why you’re all always calling and texting him. Why you’re always suggesting to hang out, and go out, and him disappearing without any communication. He would have become distant, ignoring you, not returning your texts or calls, and cheating on you. I say look at it as a blessing that he walked out of your life so someone else who is worthy of your time, and worthy of investing in you will come into your life.
Besides, chile, I am from the school of thought that if someone wants to leave, then let them go! No amount of begging, pleading, or trying to convince someone to stay with you is worth it. Please let them go! Especially when they say some bull-ish like they don’t have time for you. I would be like, “Yes, you’re right. You don’t have time for me because I need more than 5 minutes of conversation. I need more than 2 hours of dinner and a movie. I’m not someone you can plan and schedule like a game or fast food service.”
So, don’t sit around waiting on him to get it together. Don’t wait on him to call you, and when he does he doesn’t seem enthusiastic or excited to be speaking with you. Or, when you go out he doesn’t some enthusiastic or excited to be spending time with you. If he needs space, then give him all the space he needs and go do you! There are too many good-looking, intelligent, smart, funny, and engaging men in the world. He is not the end all and be all. Kick his ass to the curb. You’re far too smart, intelligent, beautiful, and haute to be sitting at home while some dude thinks about whether or not he wants to spend his time with you. Chile, boo!!!
And, for the record, a man who is interested in you will be calling you and texting you throughout the day. He will inquire of how you’re doing and how your day is going. He will court you and won’t pressure you to jump in the bed with him. He wants to know your heart and your mind. He wants to know what makes you laugh, what makes you happy, and what makes you excited because he will do those very things to make you laugh, keep you happy, and get you excited. And, on top of it all he will make time for you. He will find the time to call you, text you, and spend time with you. Most importantly, he will not be afraid to communicate how he feels for you, and what he feels for you. So, if that man is not doing any of this, then I think you know what to do next. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!