I have not been in a serious relationship for the past 4 years.
Well, my best friend, who is a male, I tell him everything, including the people that I have had sexual relationships with. I started to develop feelings for one of the guys that I am currently in a sexual relationship with. I told my best friend about him, and now me and the guy are dating.
Three weeks into us dating I had a conversation with my best friend telling him how good things are going with my the guy I’m dating, and then my best friend drops this bombshell on me saying that he is in love with me. I have no clue where to go from here because I do not have feelings for my best friend at all. I do not know how to express this to him without hurting his feeling. I am really feeling the guy that I am dating, and he said that I have to stop being friends with him because of how he feels. I do not want to lose my best friend, but I do not want to lose this guy either. What should I do? – Confused Lover
Dear Ms. Confused Lover,
Well, the guy you’re dating is right. You are going to have to stop being friends with your so-called best friend because he never saw you as a friend. He used his male “I’m here for you” player card and led you straight to the web. Honey, he was only entertaining you and your conversations and letting you share all your intimate details with him because he was getting to know you so that he can “get to know you.” I’m certain all that sex talk got him visualizing and fantasizing about you, and now you’ve got a man who wants to have the same sexual experiences that the other guys were getting. He doesn’t want to be left out or miss out on all that good loving that you’re spreading. You are an equal opportunity p***y distributor. LMBAO!
No matter what, the guy whom you thought was your “best friend” will never be your best friend again. Never ever. Never never never ever! The line has been crossed and he’s developed feelings for you. There is no turning back. There is no going back to being just friends with you. He is in love with you and wants to be intimately romantically involved with you. So, no matter what happens, even if you two do decide to be “just friends,” in the back of his head he is always going to hope, wish, and wait for the day that you will confess your undying love for him, or he finds you in a vulnerable position and leap on you like a lion does a wildebeest.
And, unfortunately you are going to have to be honest with him and let him know that you do not feel the same way. You’re going to have be honest and say to him that you have no feelings for him, no interest, no desire, and no “in the future, perhaps something may change,” bull-ish either. You got to be straight up, and unfortunately there is no way of expressing it to him without hurting his feelings. They are going to get hurt. He is in love with you. Rejecting him, or letting him know that you do not have the same feelings is going to cause some pain and hurt. But, guess what? He will get over it. Chile, you better say something now and get it over and done with. The longer you prolong saying something to him, then it will lead him to believe that you either have the same feelings, or that you’re seriously thinking about it and possibly considering getting into a relationship with him.
Oh yeah, for the record, the guy that you’re currently dating shouldn’t and can’t make you get rid of your “best friend,” or even make the request that you end your friendship. YOU’RE ONLY DATING! He doesn’t have any authority, or right, and nor is he in any position to be making demands on you and you’re only dating. Chile, puhlease. He’s just jealous that another man is in the background and may have the potential to get his stuff (your punany). LOL! And, basically, as a man, he knows that your “best friend” can’t be trusted because he knows how men think, and will do with female friends. Most heterosexual men with female friends are just waiting for the moment, opportunity, and chance to bang them at least once, twice, hell, even thrice. They want to see what it feels like, especially if you’re bragging about your sexual exploits to him.
Oh, and by the way, it also says a lot about how the guy you’re dating feels and thinks about you. He doesn’t trust you either. Get into it! BOOM! BAM! POW! If he didn’t feel threatened, or bothered by your male best friend who is in love with you, then he wouldn’t have even mentioned to you that you should end the friendship because if he trusted you then he wouldn’t worry that you may sleep with or put yourself in a position whereas you’ll be pulling up your panties and doing that walk of shame from your best friend’s house. – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!