First of all, I want to say that I really love your brutal honest advice and I enjoy reading your blog.
Two years ago, I met this incredible young lady, and let’s just call her ‘Tina.’ We became friends and got along really well. She met this amazing guy and they decided to get married. Tina made me her maid of honor on her wedding day. Things were really good, and then she became pregnant mid last year. Unfortunately, she died in January this year as she was giving birth. She didn’t even get the chance to see her son, but fortunately the baby survived.
Now, here is the story: I have been hanging around the husband a lot, and on a friendship basis. He has been really nice to me, and I think I’m developing feelings for him. I think about him all the time, and I’m beginning to see him in a new light. He is so nice, and would actually make perfect husband material. I cannot see myself with any other man except for him. But, the other problem is he still talks about his wife a lot, maybe it’s because it’s just been four months. But, I have been dropping hints of interest and he is not even noticing. I also believe I can be a good mother to the child.
From reading your blogs, you always state that going after your friend’s man is a Big NO-NO. But, what if she is dead! Is it still a Big NO-NO? – In Love With Him
Dear Ms. In Love With Him,
I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s death. That is truly unfortunate and a sad story. Wow! She didn’t even get a chance to see her son. That is truly heartbreaking and sad.
But, girl, you don’t waste any time do you? LMBAO! Your friend has been dead all of four months and you’re already making moves on her husband. Got damn!!!
Uhm, here’s the thing, sweetie, the man just lost his wife. I’m certain that he is not thinking about you or any other woman. The man is grieving. He just lost his wife four months ago! Damn! Can you at least give him some time to adjust to life without his wife, and being a widower? It’s really sad that your friend, his dead wife, is barely in the damn ground and you’re already trying to get in his bed, and replace her. WOW! You are a damn trip!
Ms. Honey, that man has a lot going on his life right now, and you are not a priority or even a thought for him. Besides, I am sure he is rearranging his entire life by taking care of a newborn child without the mother of his child. He has to rearrange his schedule, job, hell, he has to rearrange his entire life. HELLO! The man’s attention and focus is not on some floozy parading around him trying to get his attention. His focus is on his child, and raising his child without the mother. And, here you are talking about you dropping hints of interest and he’s not noticing. Really? Really, Ms. Thang! You’s a thirsty ass chick! LEAVE HIM ALONE AND LET HIM MOURN, YOU OLE HUSSY!
Chile, you women don’t waste any time do you? I bet any amount of money that you were always secretly plotting and devising a way to get your friend’s man. You can talk that foolishness and play these games with your other friends of how you’ve been hanging around him a lot, and how you’re just now noticing him. But, I’m not going for it. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. I find it peculiar and odd that all of sudden you just noticed how he is so nice, and how he is a great person, and would make perfect husband material. That’s not something you just noticed. But, here’s my question: Why are you hanging around him, A LOT??? Thirsty, thirsty, thirsty!
Then, you have the gall and nerve to complain that all he does is talk about his wife. Are you freaking serious right now? I need to punch you in the back of your damn head! Of course he is talking about his wife, A LOT. They were newlyweds and just starting a family. And, his wife died during labor, and it’s only been a few months! Damn, bish! He is grieving! He is hurting! He is in mourning! The man is vulnerable and is not even mentally, emotionally, or physically ready to be in another relationship just FOUR MONTHS AFTER HIS WIFE DIED! Leave that man alone! He is not in a space, or place to be entertaining your little fantasy and desire to replace his dead wife, and come in as the new woman.
I bet your ass is over there in your small ass head redecorating the house, rearranging the furniture, planning the wedding, and visualizing yourself holding the baby and dressing up the baby for the family portrait of the three of you. SMDH!
And, you’re right, I don’t agree with any person dating their friend’s ex, current, past, or whatever you want to call them. And, I particularly am not going to co-sign that bull-ish of you trying to jump on your dead friend’s husband just four months after her passing. WOW! I’m still tripping that it’s only been four months and you’re already trying to move in, lay up with her husband, take care of her child, and replace her. What type of friend are you? Better yet, what type of person are you?
Please leave that man alone, and go find yourself another man who is available emotionally, mentally, and physically. Find yourself another man who is not grieving the loss of his wife after only four months. Find yourself another man who is not in mourning, and who happens to be the spouse, ex, or partner of one of your friends.
The sad part about your letter is that you never once stated that you were grieving, upset, or mourning your friend. You letter is all about her husband, and your attempts of trying to get with him. So, you know what, don’t answer the questions about what type of friend you are, or what type of person you are. I have already peeped your card. You’re a deceitful, untrustworthy, conniving, thirsty chick who will infiltrate into her friend’s life plotting and planning on a way to get her man while smiling in her face. You’re the worse type of friend to have because no one would see you coming and you play your part of the perfect friend oh so well. You’re the very woman that other woman need to be concerned and worried about – the backstabbing friend who will stand up in your wedding as the maid of honor, and become the god-mother of the children, and you’re secretly creating a master plan of how you’re going to get their husband. I see you! I see all through you! And, I rebuke you! Get back and get away from me! – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!