I have been in a relationship with my son’s father for 6 years.
I love him very much and am thankful he is not deadbeat father. But, I cannot say he is great boyfriend.
Terrance, this man asked me to marry him when our son was 6 months old, and of course I said yes. Six months later, I forgot my ring at home because I was running late for work, and I come home to, “I sold your ring, but I’ll get you a new one.” Mind you, he did it to pay the rent. But, I’m bitter as hell he did it without even telling me, and on top of that he hasn’t gotten me a new one, and we still haven’t gotten married.
A year later, we sat down and agreed we shouldn’t get married because I was having second thoughts, due to me finding out he had been sexting some old ass woman he had met at a bar when he was out with his best friend, AND, because we really weren’t getting along. We worked through that, and we’re in a much better place right now.
He says he wants to get married, and after a lot of miscommunication, partly because of my post-partum depression and his not understanding what I needed from him. But, I’m afraid he’s only telling me that to appease me. I don’t even know if I want to go through with it because he’s done so much shady stuff that I feel like even though we’re doing so much better. If he wanted to marry me, he should’ve gone through so much more to go ahead and get me another ring and set a date.
My question is should I bring it up (even just thinking about it is embarrassing to me, almost like I’m being needy) or just let it ride out? Am I wrong for being mad as hell he took my ring and hasn’t replaced it? Is it wrong that every time I see a woman with a ring it makes me feel so got damn bitter? Because Lord knows I deserve a got damn ring, BOTH an engagement and a wedding band. Should I even stay with him? How do I know he ain’t playing me anymore?- Confused And In Love
Dear Ms. Confused And In Love,
The man took your engagement ring, without your knowledge, and sold it to pay the rent. Girl, I’m done! I can’t! Not today! LMBAO!
As soon as he fixed his mouth to say, “I sold your ring…” WHOP! WHOP! WHOP! Upside his head with a damn hammer! Then you should have kicked him in his damn nuts. “The hell you mean you sold my damn engagement ring!!” WHOP! WHOP! WHOP!
Then, this fool hasn’t replaced it in 6 YEARS!!??!!! And, you’re still sitting your hopeful-one-day-he’ll-get-me-a-replacement ass over there waiting!?! What color is your helmet? Chile, you are better than me! The next day he would have been up in Jacob The Jeweler ordering a rare precious stone that they can only find in Africa. And, once it was rushed ordered (yes, rush ordered), and he flew me to Paris to propose on top of the Eiffel Tower, I would have given him another WHOP! upside his damn head to remind him to never, ever, ever, ever play with me like that.
I’m sorry, ma’am, but 6 years later and you’re still waiting on him to get you another ring? You’re the damn donkey. Why would he marry you now when you’re living as a married couple? You’re giving him everything without any repercussions or reason to want to get married to you. SMDH! I don’t understand you people. I really don’t. I swear something has retarded your damn brains.
Then, you ask me if it’s wrong that you’re mad that he took your ring and hasn’t replaced it in 6 years. YES, YOU SHOULD BE MAD! RAGING MAD! STORMING MAD! VIOLENTLY MAD! He took the very ring that symbolizes his love and commitment to you and sold it. Basically, he took his proposal back, and said “F” you. You ain’t worth it. You ain’t nothing. And, you’ll sit your comfortable ass over there and wait until I get you another damn ring, when I get good and ready! As a matter of fact, you ain’t getting –ish!
But, let me ask you this: You say that you deserve a damn ring. Really? You deserve a ring. Why? Why should he go out and get you another ring? Oh, is it because he sold the first one and he owes you? Is it because you have been waiting on him to make up for the past 6 years he has had you in limbo? Is it because you bore him a son, and you provide a loving home for him, with a warm cooked meal every day, and you clean up after him, and do all the “wifey” things, yet, you don’t have a ring on your finger? And, who’s fault is that?
You’re both partly the blame. Your dumbass is at fault for sitting and waiting for 6 years to past without saying or doing anything about it. Your dumbass is at fault for letting him get away with that bull-ish the first time. Your dumbass is at fault for making it too damn easy for him, and playing house with him without a ring or commitment to marriage.
Then, on top of it all, a year later YOUR MAN was caught sexting some other woman he met at a bar, and you didn’t boil some water with some grits? (Rocks back and forth in my chair and sits on my hands to prevent myself from reaching through this damn screen and slapping you in your damn face!) I ain’t one to speculate, but, err uhm, your man is not to be trusted, EVER! Based on him taking your ring and selling it without your knowledge, and then you catch him sexting another woman, uhm, ma’am, you need to get yourself together and move on, quickly. I wouldn’t wait another year, month, day, hour, minute, or second for him to get it together. And, what the hell are you talking about, “Should you ride it out?” Please, sweet Jesus, I can’t do it!
A man doesn’t make the woman he loves and wants to be with for the rest of his life wait for 6 years to get married. A man doesn’t take his woman’s engagement ring, without her knowledge, or discussing it with her, and sells it. A man doesn’t promise his woman something, especially an engagement, with no engagement ring. A man doesn’t propose marriage, and put your ass on installment for 6 years, while he contemplates if he is going to ever marry you. And, sweetie, you shouldn’t sit and wait another 6 seconds for him. But, when he walks through that door this evening, and he still doesn’t have a ring, then you politely tell him that he has 6 minutes to grab whatever he can and get the hell out because his installment plan has just been revoked, and you don’t do layaways. BOOM! BAM! POW! – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!