I have been in a relationship with this guy for 7 going on 8 months.
We’re in love and almost inseparable. Like any other guy I’ve dated, he has these unbearable mood swings. He gets mad at me for his unfortunate events. As a girlfriend I find it necessary to be there for him even when he pushes me away.
Yesterday, however, I don’t think I’m in a healthy relationship. Let me start out by saying every outfit I wear its all for him. I wore a form fitting outfit with 4-inch heels. Living in Georgia it gets hot and I can’t wear pants all the time. Plus, I’m a girly-girl who loves clothes. He ignored me the entire day, and when we went out I wanted to hold hands and he pulled away from me every time. Later that day, he texted me and told me I looked like a hoe and embarrassed him. To my knowledge nothing on me was revealing, and my outfit appeared to be sophisticated. I apologized to him, and then he texted me back telling me I looked good and that I was prone for guys to approach me and talk to me. He then told me that I need to leave him, and if I don’t then he would cheat on me so we could be even. Mind you, I have never cheated on him.
Afterward, he continued to state that he doesn’t trust any of his girlfriends. I don’t know what his problem is or why he doesn’t want to trust me. My phone has nothing but his number and a few relatives, and he has the password to everything. I have nothing to hide, so why won’t he trust me? – Don’t Understand Him
Dear Ms. Don’t Understand Him,
Dump him. Leave him. Move on. Kick him to the curb. Erase him out of your life. Tell that MoFo, “Deuces.”
If he is telling you that he is going to cheat on you, then guess what, boo boo, he is going to cheat on you. If he told you that you look like a hoe, then guess what, boo boo, he thinks you’re a hoe. If he told you that you embarrassed him by the way you dress, then guess what, boo boo, he is not proud to show you off and call you his woman. He is a little ass boy who is insecure with himself. Thus, his insecurities and self-esteem issues he’s suffering from he is taking them out on you. Honey, get this boy out of your life today and find a man who is not afraid to show you off, hold your hand in public, compliment you and call you his queen, lady, and woman.
Why are you putting up with a boy who is calling you out of your name? He said that you looked like a hoe! Really? A hoe! You should have told him that he looks like a whack ass fake wanna-be rapper. If he can’t appreciate your curves, good looks, and the effort you go into looking good for him, then perhaps he doesn’t deserve to have a good woman like you in his life. “F” him!
And, what is your problem or issue that you feel the need to go out of your way to appease him? Honey, he should be going out of his way to appease you! You are the prize! Don’t EVER allow a man to mistreat you, abuse you, or make you feel bad about yourself, and then you apologize to him for his reckless and inconsiderate bull-ish! No ma’am! Don’t EVER apologize for feeling good about yourself. Don’t EVER apologize for loving yourself. Don’t EVER apologize because you appreciate yourself. People who go out of their way to make you feel bad about who you are, then they are people you certainly do not need in your life. Tell them to kiss your whole entire ass!
And, though you say every outfit you wear is for him, how about you start dressing for yourself! If you love how you look, and how you dress, and it makes you feel good, then stop stressing and worrying about dressing for this guy. It doesn’t appear that anything you wear will ever make him happy, and nothing you do makes him happy. Sooooooo, here’s a novel idea, how about you make yourself happy. You can’t make him happy. That’s not your job or responsibility. If he is miserable, angry, upset, and thinks every woman is going to cheat on him, then there is nothing you can do to make him change his mind or thoughts. His mind is made up, so therefore, let him be with his thoughts and be by his damn self!
You can’t make someone happy who isn’t happy. You can’t please someone who finds fault in everything. And, you certainly can’t make someone appreciate and love you if they don’t appreciate and love themselves.
This boy’s trust issues and insecurities will lead to one or two things: A.) He will become controlling and want to dictate what you wear and will call you out of your name when he feels you look to hot or pretty. He will try to monopolize your time, making sure that you spend all your time with him, and monitor who you hang out with, and he will insist on having the password to your cell phone, email, and Facebook. Oh, wait…(looks up at the ceiling and then back at you) your man is already dictating what you wear, calling you out of your name, monopolizing all your time, and insisting on having your password to your cell phone, email, and Facebook. HE’S CONTROLLING YOU AND EVENTUALLY HE WILL BEGIN TO LAY HIS HANDS ON YOU. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, TODAY!
B.) He will cheat on you and blame it all on you. He will lie to you and blame it all on you. He will manipulate you and blame it all on you. (Again, looks up at the ceiling and then back at you) YOUNG GIRL, THIS BOY IS ALREADY CHEATING ON YOU, LYING TO YOU, AND MANIPULATING YOU! Unfortunately, you haven’t woken up and realized it yet. When someone accuses you of something like, oh, I don’t know, i.e., cheating or lying, uhm, then guess the reason why? It’s because they are lying and cheating. Let me ask you this – Do you have the passwords to his cell phone, email, or Facebook? I’m going to take a stab at this and I bet you don’t.
But, I want to know who these other men you’ve dated with “unbearable mood swings.” Uhm, why do you keep attracting these men in your life? Yeah, it’s time for you to do some introspection on you. If these men have the same common theme, and personalities, then there is something about you that let’s them say and do whatever they feel to you. And, if they are insecure, have low self-esteem, and trust issues, then I bet any and everything that you are insecure, have low self-esteem, and trust issues. Work on you, honey. Get to the root of your life, and I’m certain that once you address your own personal conflicts, and eradicate these unconscious behaviors, you will then begin to attract men (not little boys) who will appreciate you (not pushing you away in public), want to be with you, shower you with affection (not hurtful words and language), and not be concerned with having the passwords to all of your accounts. If you allow a man complete access to your life, and, yet, you have no access to his….then, I hope you know that he is not the man for you. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!