I need help. I met this guy on a dating site and I have fallen in love with him.
I really don’t believe he feels the same way. I spend days at a time at his house cooking and cleaning up his apartment. He tells me he misses me, but I really think he misses me cooking and cleaning for him because his house is always a hot mess when I come back. And to make matters worst I recently went back on the dating site only to find he is still active on it. Also, he told me he wish he could date his female best friend. I’m at a cross roads with him. He frequently tells me he does not have a girl friend, which includes me, yet, he encourages me to spend time with his mother. I’m at the point of just walking away. – Feeling Like A Housemaid
Dear Ms. Feeling Like A Housemaid,
Ma’am…ma’am…. Could you lean into the computer screen. Closer. Closer. Closer. WHOMP! (That’s me knocking you upside your damn head!)
I don’t understand some of you women sometimes. Like, really, where do you live? Have your brains suffered that much damage from wearing them too tight weaves that you can’t think or comprehend any longer? Have men really f’d up your sense of judgment? Is the d**k that potent that you forget who you are?
If every time you go to this man’s home, and you are cleaning his apartment, and cooking for him, yet, he hasn’t made you his woman, or even acknowledges you as his girlfriend, then, yes, dumbass, you are a housemaid. You are a convenient piece of ass with nothing else to offer. The sad part is that you are a housemaid who is not even being compensated for your time, or work. But, I bet any amount of money that you are that one trick he knows he can call on whenever he needs something. I bet you pay some of his bills, too, don’t you? I bet you take your EBT card and hit up Piggly Wiggly and stock up on groceries to take to his home to fill up his fridge and cabinets. SMDH! You are truly simple. Simple. Simple. Simple.
This man has said to you that he wished he could date his female best friend. He didn’t say he could or would date you. He didn’t say he could or would make you his woman. Yet, he has no problem with you coming to his home and cleaning and cooking for him. He has no problem banging your back out on the fresh linens you washed and put on his bed. And, what’s so sad about you is that you wait on his calls with baited breath because you have no life, no self-esteem, and no sense of worth. He calls you up casually and says he “misses” you and wants you to come over and take care of him. (Cocks head to the side). Yes, Ms. Get-A-Freaking-Clue, you’re right with your observation that when he says he misses you it’s because he only misses you cleaning his apartment and cooking for him. WOW! (Talking in baby talk to you – Did you come up with that conclusion all by yourself? You are a good girl. A real good girl. How do you think you should be rewarded?)
But, here’s another clue – As he’s sitting in his dirty ass apartment, and his other woman, or women, are coming through, he doesn’t want to appear like he’s a dirty ass bum, so he calls you (the dumb chick who jets over to his crib like the Speedy Gonzales you are), and you provide your dutiful services of housemaid washing the dirty sex stained sheets he’s been screwing his other women on. Simple. Simple. Simple.
Let’s move forward. When a man tells you that he is interested in another woman, i.e., best friend, baby momma, or some random chick he’s been screwing for a minute, then, uhm, sweetie, it’s time to start back stepping out his house and out of his life. His affection, heart, and attention are focused on whom? I’ll give you a clue – NOT YOU! He doesn’t see you. He has no vision for you. And, if you went back on the dating site where you met him, and he is still active on the site, then, in all your wisdom, in all your knowing, and in all your common sense, do you think he will ever, ever, ever make you his woman or settle down with you? (Starts filing my nails. I’ll wait while you ponder this.) Yet, you are up in his house, in his face for days at a time, cleaning his apartment, washing his clothes, scrubbing the floors, and have pots of food cooking on all eyes on the stove, and with something baking in the oven. And, on top of that, he frequently tells you that he does not have a girlfriend. When he is piping you down does he make you wear your maid outfit, too?
Ms. Honey, that man is not, never, ever going to make you his woman. You’re the help. And, what do we say about the help – We don’t date the help, sweetie.
Girl, please stop being a chamber maid for this man. You are not his maid, housewife, woman, girlfriend, momma, or grand momma. Tell that trifling bum to kick rocks and eat dirt. He’s a grown ass man calling you to clean up his house and cook for him, and your happy d**k thirsty dumbass is doing it for free? Please make it stop baby Jesus! The next time he calls you tell him that you have an invoice for him for your cleaning and cooking services. Let him know that you need payment in full. Not 30 days, not next week, and not tomorrow. But, today! It should tally up to about a couple of thousands of dollars. And, I’m being generous. Then, I want you to walk away. With all your courage, with all your might, and with all your strength, I want you to free yourself and stop allowing yourself to be used, and taken advantage of by this shiftless, tired, and lazy ass bum. Reclaim your life, your sanity, and your EBT card. Hold it up and yell from the mountaintops, “It’s my card and I own it now!” Then, I want you to claim victory and freedom. Claim and re-inherit your vagina from his clutches. Don’t be a victim any longer to the d**k. I know it’s going to be hard, but you can do it. You can let it go, and no longer be held hostage to the d**k. Run, Cora, Run! Be free! Free at last! – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!