I am a 31-year old black woman who have had my share of fawkery with men.
I have had good and bad relationships with men, but who has not hit a few bumps in the road? I met a guy a few weeks ago and he seemed okay. I asked him from the beginning if he had a girlfriend and he said no. So, upon our first date, I was able to get his whole government name. Mind you, he is 34, has two jobs, a vehicle, but he stays with his sister. Yes, the sister thing is what got me too. All in all I asked him three times if he had a girlfriend and each time he said no.
So, I did my private investigation and found that he has had two evictions and a domestic violence charge he made against a female. Okay, not too much eyebrow raising, but here’s the big whammy. I looked him up on Facebook, and, lo and behold, his profile picture is with him and a woman. Trust me even a blind man can see that they are more then just friends.
He says he works at night and can call, but never does and only calls in the daytime. He has stood me up twice and that’s when I decided to investigate. I normally do a background check anyway on a guy, but I had been a little busy. I am a mom so I try to be careful with any guy I meet. I texted the picture of them together and you know he had the nerve to lie again and say he didn’t get it. Needless to say, I let him know that I know my worth as a woman and will not allow him to mistreat me in anyway. More than anything, I can’t stand a damn liar. So my question is was I wrong for investigating? – Snooping On Him
Dear Ms. Snooping On Him,
Hell naw you weren’t wrong for investigating and digging into his background! Hell, more women should take note and do some damn digging into their men’s background before they jump in the bed with them, and then afterward discover everything he’s told them is a lie! I’m going to say this again, and I knows it to be true, and my girl Ms. Lauryn Hill sang the lyrics – “If every day people lie to God, what makes you think they won’t lie to you.”
And, chile, that mofo kept lying to you from the beginning, but your instincts kept nagging at you and telling you, “Something ain’t right. And, his bull-ish is definitely not adding up.” How the hell can a grown ass man have two jobs, a vehicle, and live with his damn sister? Uhm, no ma’am. That’s is a big red flag!
But, hold on, Missy, you say you dug into his background and discovered that he had two evictions and a domestic charge, but that was not too much eyebrow raising. (Falls out of my chair onto the floor) HUH??? Are you freaking kidding me!!?!?! The man has a domestic violence charge against a female! HELLO! That should have raised both of your painted on Maybelline eyebrows! The hell!!! And, on top of it, he has two evictions. No wonder he’s staying with his sister. His credit, life, and finances are jacked the hell up! And, if you would have let him into your life, then guess what? Your credit, life, and finances would have been jacked the hell up!
Girl, pat yourself on your back and go get a black and white cookie on me. You saved yourself a headache and a whole hell of a lot of drama. Be glad that you just didn’t open your legs and let him climb on top of you. Be glad that you had the good sense to follow your instincts and investigate why this man who claims he works at night and can call you, but only calls during the daytime hours. And, the fact that he stood you up twice. Yes, ma’am, you are worth more than that lowlife bum. Don’t let, or allow any man to lie, misuse, or abuse you in any shape, form, or fashion! I’m so, I’m so, I’m so proud of you!
You see ladies, this is when you pull out your bull-ish calculator and start adding, dividing, and multiplying his bull-ish. If what he’s telling you is not adding up, and it is not equivalent to the sum of a good man, dump his ass quick fast and in a hurry! Don’t be a pawn or piece in his game. Before he moves, you move! Check mate on that ass!
But, I fell out laughing when you went on Facebook and saw the pic of him and his woman, then texted it to him, and then he gave you the classic ‘I’m caught line,’ talkin’ bout, “I didn’t get it.” Bwahahahahaha! You should have tagged his woman on Facebook and let her know that her man has been trying to holla at you, and then I would have posted all of his evictions and domestic charges on his page. He wants to rumble with the bee, huh, throw a hex on the whole family!
Yeah, you did the right thing. Don’t feel guilty or bad about it. If any time you feel within your heart and in your spirit that a man is not being honest or forthright, and extremely erratic in his behavior, then get to digging and investigating into his background. Especially if you are asking him basic questions, and he’s lying about it. He’s up to something, and he’s hiding something from you. You don’t have to put up with someone lying to you, hiding and keeping secrets, and not being forthright with their background, especially a domestic assault charge. Naw, you don’t need that, or him in your life. Besides, most men are stupid and dumb when it comes to cheating or being deceptive, i.e., the man in your situation had pictures of him with his woman on Facebook. Ole dumbass. If he didn’t want to get caught then he would have made his page private, but when you’re dealing with someone who is not too bright, the littlest things will get them busted all the damn time. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!