Well, I have been with this dude for about 4 years. He’s everything to me, and he has been there through thick and thin.
I always had his back whenever he got locked up. He is only 8 years younger than me. I have 7 children, but only one of them is his. He works on a garbage truck and every morning I wake up at 3:00am to take him to work, but he doesn’t help with the bills or provide for his child at ALL! Not to include that I have to do everything on my own with no job. I pay his phone bill, and I support his habit (smoking).
So, last year I found out he was talking to another girl and she claimed that she is pregnant by him, which means she should be about 8 months pregnant now. So, about a week ago I get a random message on Facebook. This girl tells me that she knows where I stay, she knows what kind of car I drive, and that she’s seen us leaving together before.
She says that she is confused because he is supposed to be her boyfriend, and he tells her that I’m dropping him off at his mom’s house. Soon as I confronted him with this information he told me that the girl is lying, so I forgave him. A few days passed and he proposed to me. So, I am confused on if I should spend the rest of my life with this man or if he is not worth it at all. – Ms. Love Me Some Him
Dear Ms. Love Me Some Him,
Really? Really! You love you some him!
Girl, stop! Just stop this madness. You have 7 children, and only one of them belongs to him. You don’t have a job, yet, you are paying his cell phone bill, and supporting his weed habit. You see people, this right here is the prime example of how your tax dollars are being spent with those who use the government as a crutch, and instead of providing and caring for their children they are busy taking care of grown ass trifling no-good men who ain’t –ish and won’t be –ish!
You mean to tell me that you wake your nappy headed ass up at 3:00 in the morning to take him to work, and he doesn’t help with any bills or provide for his child? What are you thinking when you are getting out of your bed, starting your car up, picking him up, taking him to work, and then going back home? Oh, my bad, silly me, you don’t have a brain. Donkey’s don’t think, they just do.
Let me ask you this: Who is home with your children when you leave at 3:00 in the morning? Do you even wake up and get your own kids ready for school in the morning? Do you even put in the same amount of effort of caring for your children and providing for them as you do for the very man who does not provide for his child AT ALL? Process those questions and let me know what you come up with.
What’s also sad is that you’re concerned about him and this other chick who is pregnant and carrying his child. This same man whom you wake up at 3:00 in the morning to take to work, and he doesn’t help in any shape, form, or fashion with you and his child. So, while you’re taking him to work, he finds the time to lay up with her, and carry on another relationship, but you say that you are confused because you’re not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Are you freaking kidding me right now? WOW! WOW! WOW! There truly is a genetic stupid mutation happening right under our noses, and you were able to write your letter and email it without being caught. I’m deleting this immediately. I don’t want the government coming after me!
But, hold up, let’s look at the fact that this man who doesn’t provide anything financially, emotionally, or mentally for his own child, however, he’s willing to take money from you and allow you to pay his cell phone bill, and his pound of weed. Does that make any type of logical sense to you? In your reasoning mind, does that even sound like a man who is capable or able to propose marriage to you, and come into your home and care for you and your 7 children?
Look here, Miss, I don’t know who the father of your other children may be, but, lawd, please, please, please I do hope that you….wait, wait, wait a freaking minute…you’ve been with this man for 4 years, and you say that he’s been there through thick and thin, and you’ve been there for him whenever he’s been locked up. How is this possible? How can he be there for you if he’s frequently locked up? How has he been there through thick and thin, yet, he’s not supporting his child? Is his d**king you down compensation for paying his cell phone bill, and supporting his weed habit? Where did you learn that a relationship is being with a man who doesn’t care for his child, you take care of him, and he sleeps with other women?
The problem is not with him. The problem is you! You have allowed this to happen, and it began with child number 1. You began this pattern with whomever the men you’ve allowed to use you as a doormat and dumping post for their semen. You’ve allowed yourself to misconstrue love and sex, and having a baby as a commitment, and some possible way of having a man to remain with you. There is something that you are lacking, and I’m certain that it’s because you didn’t have love in your home. Your father is definitely not in your life, and your mother did not provide any type of structure for how to conduct yourself as a lady. You’ve been searching for love, and a father figure (The Looking For Daddy Syndrome) all your life, and any man who shows you some type of affection it makes you feel loved and wanted. And, thus, your 7 children, also give you some type of love and feelings of being needed and wanted.
Girl, let me stop because this can go on for a while. To answer your question, this man is not serious about marrying you. He is not remotely interested in having you as his wife. Just as he has cheated on you and got another woman pregnant, and you support him financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically, you will always find yourself giving of yourself to him to prove your love for him, yet, he will not do anything to give of himself to you, nor will he give you his heart and love. He’s selfish, immature, and definitely not a man. So, if this is the type of man you want, then knock yourself out, and I wish you a blessed married life. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!