I read your advice on Bossip and would like advice. I’m an ex-prostitute and I found the most wonderful man ever.
He tells me I’m beautiful every day. He works hard and wants us to be married before kids. He’s very nice looking, and gave me his password to his phone without me asking so I won’t think he’s cheating. He told me everything about his life from his family to all his exes. He’s told me that I am the best woman to ever enter his life.
Well, here’s the problem I’m having: I know everything about his past, but he knows little white lies about me. He thinks I used to be a medical assistant, but I was a prostitute. He has gotten back in touch with his uncle, who is a cop, and he’s ran background checks on a few of his exes.
I’m afraid that one day he will ask him to run one on me, and all he will have to do is Google me and my whole past will pop up with my past arrests. And, before your fans judge me, I am no longer a prostitute. I’m in school for Cosmetology, and I do care-giving at a nursing home. I am very faithful to him, so don’t think that all hoes can’t change, look at Mary Magdalene. God saved her, and I’m saved now, too. But, I don’t want my past to change my future.
He knows everything else about me, except for what I use to do for work. This is the man I prayed about, and he made me not ever want to do that again, even if I was broke. He said he sees me being his wife, and the mother to his children. And, every time we see hoes on TV, he tells me how disgusted he is with them, and will never touch them. This really bothers me. I mean, I’m a good girl now, but sometimes I feel like he deserves better. Should I tell him what I use to do even though I’m STD free and work now? Or, just leave it in the past? – Confused Girl
Dear Ms. Confused Girl,
Girl, you sitting up here talking about he knows everything about you except for what you used to do for work. Bwahahahahahahaha! You are funny as hell. Chile, that man doesn’t know anything about you. The one lie you’ve told him is for the cover up of the bigger lie you started with. Thus, the lie about what you used to do is compiled by another lie of where you went to school to become this “medical assistant.” Ultimately, you’ve lied about your upbringing, background, family, friends, and love life. So, therefore, he does not know you!!! Stop lying to yourself and to me. Ugh! You folks wear me so thin with your B.S.!
And, Ms. Honey, since you want to claim my fans may judge you, girl, let me get your cheap synthetic hooker pony tail in check. Ain’t (yes, I said, “Ain’t”) nobody sitting around thinking about you, or judging you. You’re judging yourself! You’re the one ashamed of your past. You’re the one afraid that your man’s cop uncle will do a background check on you and discover the hoe you used to be. And, you’re the one lying and manipulating this man into believing something that isn’t true. So, before you throw shots at me and my fans, look at yourself first and get your house in order.
And, you were a prostitute. Not an escort, but a prostitute. Which means you stood on the street corner waiting for Johns to come and pick you up. You were working the hoe stroll. So, yes, you were a hoe! And, you sold your ass for no more than $50, and probably $30 for a blow job. (Please don’t ask me how I know this. LOL!) Now, you tell me if a hoe can be turned into a housewife!
But, hold up, you’re so damn concerned and scared about his uncle running a background check on you, and Googling you and all your arrests pop up. Uhm, sweetie, (I hope that was not your street name), but, what if you run into some of the girls you used to trick with? How are you going to explain how you know them? And, what if you come across a John, and he’s trying to get you to meet him in the bathroom, or in the back of his truck for a quickie? How are you going to explain that? I’ll wait while you ponder that.
Oh, yeah, one thing Jesus told all of those he healed, and blessed was, “Go, and sin no more.” So, yeah, you may be saved now, but you’ve got to “sin no more.” And, lying or deceiving the man whom you’ve told that you were a medical assistant, and all those other white lies you’ve feed him, well, you haven’t really changed now, have you? Prostitutes lie, deceive, manipulate, and make men feel good. It’s all an illusion. And, you’re only doing what you know how to do best. So, have you really changed, my dear?
Also, the bible states in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” So, have you been transformed in your mind? Have you truly transformed who you are, or are you picking and choosing which parts you want to be saved and changed? Girl, you don’t want to go there with me. Not today. I am not the one, or the trick looking for a treat.
And, the only reason it bothers you when he says that prostitutes and hoes disgust him, and that he will never touch one, is because you feel he’s talking about you. And, if you’ve changed and that is no longer who you are, then it shouldn’t or wouldn’t affect you. But, that’s what happens when you lie to yourself and others. Your past makes you feel guilty and uneasy when you are not forthcoming and deceiving folks.
If this man truly loves you, and how he feels for you is authentic, and true, then your past wouldn’t matter. He’s not in love with you for what you did, but for who you are today. He didn’t meet the woman you were. He met the woman that you are! BOOM! BAM! POW!
So, in the words of Big Momma and ‘em, it’s time to, “Tell the truth and shame the devil.” Sit down with this man and tell him the truth. Let him know who you used to be, what you used to do, and how you’ve changed and have become a new woman. Let him know about your past and why you did it. Be authentic and honest with him. The only thing he can do is walk away. And, if he does, then he wasn’t the man for you, but it should also teach you a valuable lesson – Be honest with people from the beginning. You have to allow them the opportunity to make valid and conscious choices with all the information so they can decide if they want to stay or not. Giving them half-truths, and bits and pieces of you is deceptive, and inconsiderate. You wouldn’t want anyone lying to you, and deceiving you into believing something and years later you discover it was all a lie. You question their motives, and everything they’ve ever told you. So, be honest!!! The healing of a new spirit and mind begins with forgiving and loving yourself first. If you haven’t forgiven yourself, and loved yourself for what you did, and how you’ve come through it, then how do you expect for someone else to do it? Begin with you, and tell yourself the truth. Be honest and the universe will open up the door of wonderful possibilities for love, truth, and happiness. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!