I caught my husband videotaping my sister while she was taking a shower.
I caught him, and he apologized. He said that he didn’t know what came over him. He asked for a second chance. I also found some nude pictures and videos on his phone. I asked him to delete them, which he did, however, I never forgave him for my sister. Should I? Should I trust him? And, on top of it, I never asked what he wanted to do with the video? Is it late to ask him now? Please help. – My Husband’s Secret
Dear Ms. My Husband’s Secret,
What is wrong with folks today?!?! Chile, y’all are really doing the most, and doing all types of crazy –ish. You got folks eating one another, and folks killing each other over damn sneakers. You got folks killing little kids because they think they’re gay. Then, you got these folks addicted to nasty videos and pictures, and having collections of it on their phones, and on their computers. And, then, you caught your husband videotaping your sister while she was in the shower!?!? Why didn’t you go upside his damn head? What type of lame excuse is, “I don’t know what came over me.” WTH!!! That’s when you should have bobbed him upside his head with a bat, and told him, “I don’t know what came over me.” SMDH!
Look, ma’am, your husband has a serious problem. He has an addiction, and he needs some help. For him to get to the point of videotaping your sister in the shower, uhm, sweetie, that man has been plotting and planning on doing this for some time, and I’m certain that he’s done it before. Maybe not with her, but I’m sure there are other women he’s done this to. You just caught him this time, and though you may have found the nude pictures and videos on his phone, he has another stash someplace else. TRUST ME! A man with this type of addiction just doesn’t have one stash, he has several. Just like an alcoholic or drug addict. They stash their stuff because they don’t want anyone discovering it. And, even if someone finds it, they have a secret stash in another location. That’s just what addicts do.
Now, I don’t want your slow ass to think that just because you made him delete the nude photos and videos on his phone that he is cured. HE ISN’T! You’re simple and stupid if you believe that. You say you didn’t forgive him for videotaping your sister, and you want to know if you should. Hmmm, should you? It’s your freaking sister. Which means if he took the time to get the video camera, sneak into the bathroom and record her, then, he’s obviously been watching her for some time. In his head he’s been having thoughts, fantasies, and ideas about YOUR SISTER! He was so bold about it that he actually videotaped her in the shower. Now, you ask yourself should you forgive him?
Then, you ask should you trust him. (* *) Blank stare at you! Are you freaking serious?!! Your husband has a collection of nude photos and videos on his phone, and he was caught videotaping your sister. I ought to punch you in the back of your head and rattle your damn brain. No, he can’t be trusted. He violated your marriage, your family, and your sister’s privacy. He crossed the damn line, donkey!!!
And, let me ask you this: What do you think he planned to do with the tape? He was going to give her a copy and tell her, “I thought you would like to see yourself showering. So, I wanted to do this as a favor for you because you’re my wife’s sister.” Girl, you can’t possibly be that damn slow. But, then again….And, it never occurred to you to ask him what he planned to do with it? Chiiiiiiiiiiile, after his ass would have been coming out of his coma he would have had a whole lot of explaining to do. For the record, NOOOOOO! It’s not too late to ask him what he planned to do with it. He owes you an explanation, and an apology to your sister. And, YES, you need to tell your sister. He can’t get off that damn easy. His ass needs to be put on blast. I’d march his over to her house and let him tell her in detail what he did. By the way, you can’t be responsible for your sister’s response, or actions once she hears the detail. And, besides, everything done in the dark is brought to the light.
So, now, you have a choice: A.) Beat his ass, and then see if he wants to get some help for his addiction. He needs to be in therapy for his addiction because it just didn’t start when you caught him. He’s been doing this for some time. You just discovered it. Also, the reason I said see if he wants to get some help is because if he doesn’t think he has a problem, or if he’s not ready to receive some help then you can’t make him. Thus, this leads to your second choice: B.) Beat his ass, and then get a divorce. Why be with someone whom you can’t trust? If he’s harboring this from you, and secretly doing things that could potentially get him arrested, because I’m sure he could go to jail for videotaping your sister without her consent, then, why be with someone like this. And, what if you didn’t catch him, and he did it to not only your sister, but other women? What if his obsession leads him to go to public places and do this to other women? Yes, these are “what ifs,” but, his behavior and what he’s doing is what it will and could potentially lead to.
If you stay just know that you’ll always be wondering and thinking what he’s doing when he’s out and about, or what’s on his phone and computer. His behavior is not going to end just because you made him delete them. It’s going to take months, possibly years with the help of therapy for him to get to the root of his problem. Are you willing to invest the time, and energy? This type of addiction takes special care and lots of loving support. Which means you’re going to have be there for him, supporting him through this, and being able to hear why he is doing what he’s doing. His addiction and obsession has nothing to do with you, and what you’re not doing, but it’s something within him that he has to work out. He could be dealing with something that happened in his past, or he may have been abused himself. Who knows. But, it will all come out in therapy. I wish you the best, now, go beat his ass, and get the answers you need. – Terrance Dean
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