I want to start off by saying that I really need your insight on a situation that I am struggling to comprehend.
I am a single mother of a 14-year old boy, and I consider myself to be doing very well. Even through all the trails and tribulation that I went through by having a child at the age of 15. I’m also a nursing student that supports myself, working 40 hours a week in the corporate field.
I met a guy on Facebook in December 2011 that lives in New York who just moved from North Carolina. Everything was going great. Our conversations were very deep and interesting. We talked about our past struggles and our goals that we would like to accomplish in the near future. He came down to visit for 1 ½ weeks and everything was good. The problem is he has 3 kids – two by a childhood sweetheart, and a third child by a girl he cheated on with his childhood sweetheart. Well, his last baby’s mother, from what I was told, is absolutely crazy in love with her him. When I say crazy she’s had a girl that worked at the cell phone company that he is with, this chick gets a print out of his call logs and call every number on the list. Not only that she has stabbed him in the arm, burned up his clothes and shoes, tried to run him over with a car twice, and so on and so on.
She has made it very clear that he does not want me messing him, and that she would make my life a living hell. All of this was said via text, which she got my number from the call log. She also made it clear that she was up there and I was down south, and that he would always continue to mess with her. Me being the bigger person I didn’t let that get to me, due to even though he had a past with cheating, I couldn’t judge him because we all have a past and we are much older now.
So, he came down and went back to New York. On his way back we discussed him coming back down and maybe to stay, due to him just living in the state, so that we can be closer. We also discussed us being together just the two of us. Well, not even one week goes by when he gets back that Friday and I can’t reach him until Monday. Then he calls my office phone like everything is ok. Really? I sometimes try calling him at night and I don’t get an answer as well. This continues to go on. I questioned him several times and he lied every time. I always tell him we are grown and that you don’t have to lie to me. I let him know what is done in darkness will come out.
I knew he was lying because his story just don’t sound right not even that sometimes he forget that he already use that lie in the past. Just last week he called me and we were talking and he had a beep on the phone and he tells me that he will call me back. Somehow he links me into the conversation. Listening on mute I found that he has been sleeping with his crazy baby’s mother, which now I understand why she is crazy. I figured because she is bipolar, has several different personalities, but he is still sleeping with her. After listening to the WHOLE conversation I then got my thoughts together and called him back to confront him on what I just heard. He tells me I didn’t hear what I heard and that I was assuming things, which upsets me, because now I feel like he is playing with my intelligence.
He tells me that he is going through several things and that he made a mistake being intimate with her. I don’t understand how you make the same mistake more than 3 times, from what he told me. I asked him was he still in love with her and he couldn’t even tell me yes or no, which I am far from stupid, and I know that means yes he is. If he wasn’t then that would be a simple no. My question to you is where do I go from here? – Love On The Line
Dear Ms. Love On The Line,
Flat line. Flat line. DEAD!
Revives, re-reads your letter.
Flat line. Flat line. DEAD!
Are you freaking serious? You’re asking me where do you go from here? HUH??!?!! Girl, you can’t even be asking me that. Where the hell do you think you should go from here? Honey, you heard an entire conversation with him on the phone with his baby momma, and learn that he is still sleeping with her, then, you call him back and confront him and he tells you that you didn’t hear what you thought you heard and that you were assuming things. And, on top of it all you ask him if he is still in love with her and he didn’t say yes or no, but you say that you are far from stupid and he is playing on your intelligence, and you know that his non-answer means he is still in love with her. Yet, you’re asking me where do you go from here.
He must have laid that North Cackalaky pipe on you something fierce! He got you going against your better judgment trying to figure out how you’re going to get him back there with you so he can move in and be a family. He got his crazy baby momma, the one who said she is going to make your life a living hell, and the one who went through the hassle and trouble of having her friend, who works for his cell provider (By the way this is against the law and she can get fired), to give her his phone records, and she goes through his phone log to see who he’s calling. She’s also stabbed him in his arm, and tried to run him over twice. And, you want him because of what??
Girl, where do you go from here? You delete him out of your life. You don’t need him. You’re better than him, and all that ratchedness. Move on and kick his behind to the curb and tell him you don’t need a trifling bum in your life. You eliminate him because he is the catalyst of what will be a living hell for your life. If you’re doing well, got a great job, and things are good in your home, then don’t bring him in it. He will bring you down. You will lose your job, and possibly your home. He’s a bum. He’s a spiritual vampire, and will keep sucking the life out of you. He’s already started, and the sad part is that you don’t even recognize it. You’re thinking his exes are the problem, when in actuality he is the problem. He is at the root of all of this. If you get rid of him, you will get rid of all the drama presently invading your life.
If you pursue this just know that you’re trifling for knowingly wanting a man who is community d**k. You’re a retard for wanting to deal with a man who has three kids and two baby mommas, and one of his baby momma’s has already threatened you. No, he is not playing on your intelligence because you don’t have any. And, you’re right, you’re not far from stupid, you’re actually very stupid.
Why would you want to deal with all this drama, madness, craziness, and ghetto bull-ish? And, hold the hell up….this man is in New York, and you’re in North Carolina. He is traveling back and forth and having sex with you, (Please, lawd, I hope you’re using protection. I’d hate for you two to bring another child into this drama), and he is having sex with his baby momma, and I know they are not using protection. And, I know, I can feel it in my bones, that he is having sex with other women besides you two. He’s a whore, and I wouldn’t be surprised if his tainted penis may be an infectious disease impregnating women across the country. I also know that he is not supporting his children and providing any child support. So, then you should ask yourself what can he possibly bring to the table for you, and your child. What can he possibly contribute to you, and your life? His life is filled with baby momma drama, and ghetto hood rats. Are you a ghetto hood rat? Are you ready to be baby momma number three?
I’m wrapping this up because your behind knows better, asking me that damn asinine question of where do you go from here? Lean close to the computer screen so I can reach through it and smack you upside your damn head. Then, you know he has a past of cheating, so, I’m curious that if you know this, then what did you think would be different? And, you’ve caught him in several lies. You see, this is the problem with you folks, always wanting to use that damn line of “We all got a past, and I don’t want to judge him.” Ma’am, he has a repetitive history of cheating, and lying. His past is his present and his future. They are all happening simultaneously. I hope you understand that because I don’t have time to explain it without losing you because you seem to be the slow type. Hold up…you hear that horn blowing…it’s the short yellow bus I sent for you. We’re bringing you to my All Girls Academy For Women Stuck On Stupid. I’m certain that being enrolled in our summer program you will figure out where do you go from here, and I’m confident you’ll be our top student graduating with honors. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!