Ok, I know you get tons of e-mails from people like me all the time, but I’m in serious despair.
Plus, I will continue to e-mail you till you respond. LOL!
Ok, so I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month now. He is awesome. We have a lot in common. He’s goal-orientated. He is already pretty set in his career. He’s actually the only producer I know actually producing and getting paid for it in advance, and he plays in a band and actually gets paid for it. We have great conversations and he is very consistent. He does exactly what he says he is going to do. We go out and we hang. And, on Sundays he takes my children and I out. He wants to be a part of our lives and is interested in being in a relationship with me and building a future with us. We get along great. We goof off and I can talk to him about anything with no judgments imposed.
But, the bad thing is that he isn’t what I’m looking for when it comes to looks. He is overweight, but that doesn’t bother me. He is sloppy with his dressing and that does bother me. But, he treats me and my children like freaking royalty. He is always making sure I’m ok before he makes any plans that might interrupt my plans. For example, I’m car-less right now and he lets me use his car for errands and such.
In some ways I feel like I’m being shallow because he really is a good man. I just don’t want to get caught up in what he can do for me and what he does do for me, or his income. I really want to get to know him as a person. Sometimes I just feel like I’m settling because I’m just not 100% attracted to him. I gave him a chance because I was keeping an open mind and honestly didn’t expect for it to go this far. He is very needy. He wants attention a lot, and he kisses a lot.
I’ve always wanted a guy like this, but maybe it’s him. Ugh! I feel like I’m settling, but he isn’t. I don’t mean to toot my horn, but toot toot. I’m an attractive female with a very good shape. I workout everyday and I have a lot going on for myself. I feel like I have a good leveled head on my shoulders, so I think he’s winning right now. He’s even mentioned that he feels weird because he is talking to a girl like me and he feels bad. He has even been going to the gym everyday for a week now and keeping up with his grooming. Basically, what I wanna know is if I’m just being a shallow person, or if I should consider weighing out my options.
I have never met a guy like him and to be honest I’m 25-years old with 2 little girls and most guys just wanna be with me because of my looks and just wanna have sex (good looking guys). And, the ugly guys are just happy to be with a good-looking girl like me (their words). I’m just confused. I think he is awesome, but I’m honestly hoping I can find a guy just like him, but more attractive. Please help! I need an unbiased opinion. I have dated losers in the past and I want my girls to have a father figure, but I don’t want to settle help! – Little Ms. Shallow
Dear Little Ms. Shallow,
Uhm, yeah, you’re trifling. I love how you say that you don’t mean to toot your own, but then you do. And, then you go on to list these superficial things about yourself. Yet, you’re car-less. You’re taking money from him, yet, you got it going on. You’re 25 years old with two children, but you’re not with their father. And, what lesson do you think you’re teaching your two little girls as mommy brings this new man into her life, and introduces him to her kids, yet, she is taking money from him, and driving his car? What lessons are you teaching your two little girls with your superficiality and using men to get what you want, as well as using your body? Trust me, your little girls are not naïve and they know what’s going on. They are smarter than you think.
By the way, here’s a few things for you, sweetie – If you feel like you’re being shallow, then you are. If you feel like you’re just settling, then guess what, you are. If you feel like you’re using him, then you are. And, if you’re sleeping with him, taking money, and not interested in being in a relationship with him, then guess what that makes you? (You’re smart, I’m sure you can figure it out)
And, I love how you people say, “I gave him a chance because I was keeping an open mind.” Wow! So, you are doing him a favor! Really? Really! You truly are a skank. How are you doing him a favor? How has he benefitted in being with you? Please tell me how he came up by being with you? What have you done to contribute to his life and livelihood to make him a better man? (Let me make me some lunch while you try to come up with some bull-ish).
Then you go on to say that you’ve always asked for a guy like him, but, he’s not physically what you want. Hmmm, well, darling, the universe will give you exactly what you ask for. If you asked for a nice guy, who treats you well, and is loving, kind, sweet, generous, and a great person, then why are you upset when he shows up in the physical form that is overweight and not particularly attractive? YOU GOT WHAT YOU ASKED FOR. You were not specific and didn’t say anything about his looks. I am a firm believer that you have to be specific in your petitions and requests from the universe because it will give you exactly what you ask for. Besides, you even stated that good-looking guys only want you for sex. So, listen to what you are saying. You are a walking contradiction when it comes to men, therefore you will always get what you speak. If you think men are trifling and no good, then guess what you will get? If you think men only want you for sex, then guess what you will attract? If you’re tired, angry, bitter, and jaded about men, then guess what you will attract? You attract that which you are.
And, if you’re shallow, then guess what you will attract? I’ll wait while you answer that.
I’ll tell you what. I want you to stop accepting his gifts, and what he can do for you. Stop accepting his money, and using his car. And, just enjoy being with him as a person. Get to know him, and what he’s about, and get inside his head. If you can enjoy being with him without the extras, the money, what he can do for you, and using his car, then you’ll have your answer. But, if all those other things play a factor, and you can’t stand being around him, and he grosses you out, and you can’t get past his looks, then move on. Stop using him, and what he can do for you. Because right now you sound like a hoe-ish gold digging tramp. And, like you said, you’re looking for a father figure for your daughters. So, dump this good guy. Dump this man who is treating you and daughters well. This man who has a career and making money and doing for himself. A man who is about his word, and consistent. Dump this man who goes out of his way for you, listens to you, and doesn’t judge you. Yeah, smart a**, dump him because he truly doesn’t deserve a woman like you, and he would never be a good father figure for your daughters because he’s overweight, and not attractive. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!