Congratulations you two pieces of isht crazy kids!

Tiki Barber Marries Traci Lynn Johnson

Tiki Barber married Traci Lynn Johnson Thursday in New York City’s Marriage License Bureau Chapel — a wedding that left five gravely injured lives in its wake.

The couple’s victims are his ex-wife Ginny, the twins she was 8-months pregnant with when he left her in 2010 for Johnson, then a 23-year-old blond NBC intern, and their two young sons.

The bride’s dress was as short as this marriage will no doubt be.

Can’t you just hear their vows?

“I, Tiki, take you, Traci Lynn, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, or when your sell-by date runs out, which should be maximum about 10 years from now.”

“And I, Traci Lynn, take you, Tiki, to be my lawfully wedded husband, and I will love and honor you all the days of my life, at least until next year when I see if you’re ever going to bring in any money again.”

Right. Because as soon as the news broke that the well-liked, handsome former New York Giants star running back had been sacking the tall and thin NYU student since his wife’s first trimester, “Today” show producers wisely opted not to renew his $300,000 contract. No NFL team has taken him up on his offer to come out of retirement. And who’s going to buy those children’s books he wrote, with his brother Ronde, now?

Hell hath no payback like a woman scorned, and Ginny at one point demanded $150,000 a month in child support. Tiki once had a net worth of $14 million, but alimony payments do add up.

Said Tiki once about his own family hardships as a child:

“Not only did (my father) abandon (my mother); I felt like he abandoned us for a lot of our lives. I have a hard time forgiving that. I want to be an honorable man.”

Ahhhhh, don’t you just LOVE the smell of hypocrisy in the morning?

Images via Bernadette Giacomazzo/PR Photos/Twitter

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