Dear Bossip: We’ve Been Together 9 Years & Have A Family, Yet, I Just Learned He Had A Baby A Few Years Ago

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I have been with a man for over 9 years.

I just recently found out that he was fooling around on me and impregnated another woman. We have 2 kids together and this child is the same age as our youngest child. When confronting the other woman it was obvious that she was nothing but a creep. She even admits to a night of drunk sex that resulted in a baby. When asked what the extent was of my man and the child’s relationship, she said he is not present and that she wants nothing to do with him, and she’s better off without him. When I asked my man he broke down and cried and admitted to sleeping with the girl. He tells me that the baby may or may not be his because come to find out she told him it was a possibility.

He claims that he tried to tell me before, but was so afraid to tell me and he kept it a secret in fear that I may leave him. I again called the woman who now changes up her story and tells me a whole different account of the relationship, but it is in sync with his story. She has moved on, has other children, but my feelings are hurt because I love this man and until that point I thought we were happy. He has changed his ways. He is continuously apologizing and trying to stay on my good side. What do I do? I love this man and we have a home, cars, children, and life together. It happened a few years back, but it feels like it happened yesterday. Am I a fool for staying? – What To Do

Dear Ms. What To Do,

Yes, you are a fool for staying. The hell is wrong with your a**! Your man got another woman pregnant and he didn’t tell you until you confronted him. He gave that bull-ish line that he was afraid to tell you and kept it a secret in fear that you may leave him. Really? Really! He wasn’t afraid to stick his d**k inside her raw! He wasn’t scared of the potential diseases he could have received and brought home to you! He wasn’t scared during all those years he was in communication with her and seeing his child! So, yes, Ms. Thang, you are a damn fool!

You want to sit up here and call her a creep, yet your man crept with her. So, what does that make him? Stop bashing her, and making her look bad when your man is just as guilty. Regardless if it was drunk sex and she spread her legs for him, it was your man who climbed on top of her and hit it raw, and then lied to you for years about his secret child. Stop defending him!!! Your argument against her is not going to win in any court of law, and definitely not on Bossip Court.

And, on top of it all you have been with him for 9 years, not married, but you have two children with him, a home, cars, and built a life with him, but he hasn’t married you. SMDH! Y’all are some real silly a** tricks! He doesn’t owe you anything! He can walk out that door again and do what he did and still come back to you because you will let him. Why do you women think because you have invested time, energy, children, and built a life with a man who has not put a ring on your finger, pledged his love for you in front of God and your and his family, and made any vows to you that he owes you anything? He can leave you at any time and have no qualms about it because he has no ties to you other than your children. So, when he leaves what will you have? What will you say then? I gave him 9 years of my life and he does this to me. Yous a damn fool! You did it to yourself!

The woman told you that she doesn’t want anything to do with him and she’s better off without him, but what about the child? If it is his child then why would he not want to be actively involved in his own child’s life? Your children are his brother or sister. So, he wants them to grow up and they not know anything about their other sibling? Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea. Your man continues to be another deadbeat, absentee father who allows his child to grow up fatherless. Then the child wonders who their father is, and grows up to be bitter, angry and mad at the world because he father wasn’t a part of his life. Is this what that child deserves? Did this child ask for any of this? NO!!! Hell no!!! But, because of your man and that woman’s reckless behavior they produced a child, and now they are resentful of each other and the child has to pay for their stupidity.  They are two damn donkeys! Yeah, you definitely have a winner on your hands. Yep, you have father of the year, and a champion dad. The same man who hasn’t married you, and the same man who cheated on you and lied for years to you.

You think you know your man, but you don’t. And, you can sit your humpy dumpty a** up there and hope things will be different, and you can move forward, and he apologizes until the cows come home, but the fact remains that a child was created due to his night of wanting to be unfaithful and spread his seeds. RAW!!! Ma’am, he went up in this woman, RAW, and he didn’t know her. He’s trifling, sad, and harmful to you and your own life. He wasn’t thinking about you and your children at that moment, and beyond was he? He lied to you for years and kept the child a secret. Yes, he’s a liar, and he only revealed the truth when he was caught. So, therefore we can deduce that he’s a cheater, liar, manipulator, deceiver, and untrustworthy. Now, you’re asking me what you should do. You tell me what you think you should. I’ll tell you this, it is not the first time he’s cheated and lied to you, and it certainly won’t be the last. This I know for sure. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

     

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