Dear Bossip: I Married A West African Man & We Filed To Get His Green Card, But He’s Cheating On Me

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I’m 27-years old and married to a 34-year old West African man.

He and I are about to have our 2 year anniversary in October and we have a son who is one years old. I know that going through my husband’s Facebook messages and text messages is a violation of privacy, but because I do not know any of his family, and none of his friends lives here or visits often. It’s hard for me to know who he truly is other than what he tells me.

I found in his Facebook account messages (I’m French I used Google translate) to his ex that he was with for 5 years before our marriage stating that he is miserable without her, he misses her, crying just thinking about her, and loves her. In addition to this, he had a profile on a dating website where he said that he was not married, and didn’t have any children. The picture was a recent one, and it was not an old profile.

There were also a number of different e-mails, phone calls, text messages, and pictures sent to women from the website and old flings. We have already filed the paperwork for him to get his green card. Every time I catch him in a lie he says he is sorry, but does it again. I want to stay for our son, but now I do not trust him at all. I don’t want to to deal with someone who is a liar and a cheat, and who is just with me so that he can get his papers. I need advice, please help! – Should I Stay or Go!

Dear Ms. Should I Stay or Go,

Hold up! This just in…..News Flash! Breaking News! He is only with you to get his green card. He is only using you to get his papers. HELLO!!! Open your damn eyes and stop playing dumb and letting that West African Mandingo d**k cloud your judgment. The hell is wrong with you!

Chile, you and these bird women who marry these men from other countries expecting to get your prince charming, African king, or Saudi prince. SMDH! Y’all have been watch, Coming To America too many damn times!

Why, oh why, would you marry a man whom you never met any of his family, nor any of his friends, and the only thing you know about him is that he comes from some tribe in Africa? He told you that he was prince in his village, and that he came to America to find his princess? He promised to give you half of his wealth that his father left for him, and all he needed was your bank account information, and to marry him? Yeah, you deserve what you’re getting. Ole simple a**.

If you’re going through his Facebook account and he’s chatting with his ex telling her how miserable he is, and that he misses her and loves her, then guess what? He is using you. Tell him to go be with her and let her marry him and help him get his green card.

If you’ve found his profile on a dating website and he says he’s not married, and doesn’t have any children, then guess what? He is using you. I would email all those women and let them know he is an illegal immigrant, and introduce yourself as his wife, and put up a picture of you, him, and the child together. BOOM! BAM! POW!

If you’ve discovered several different emails, phone calls, text messages, and pictures sent to other women and old flings, then guess what? Plain and simple, he is using you.

I’m going to say this to you in Swahili: yeye kwa kutumia wewe

I’m going to say this to you in French: Il vous aide

HE IS USING YOU!  (I couldn’t find on Google Translate of how to say it in Congolese, the traditional West African language).

And, this is how you say, “Donkey,” in Swahili: punda

And, in French it’s: ane

You’ve said it yourself that you do not want to be with someone who is a liar and cheater, and who is just with you to get his papers. Then why are you sitting your a** over there going against your own values and morals? Why are you compromising yourself? And, don’t give me that bull-ish line that you are with him because of your child. Girl, miss me and the yellow bus outside your door. That child is one years old. Stop putting off and making your child the scapegoat for your dumba** behavior. You’re staying because you want to stay. You’re staying because that Voodoo d**k he put on you won’t let you leave him. Girl, you better be careful and check his bags and other trinkets he’s got around the house and putting roots on you. LBMAO! Let me stop.

He is not going to change. NEVER! The promises he made to you, and the, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” are only to keep you around long enough until he gets his green card. Yeah, he’s sorry he married your a**, but as soon as he gets that green card he is going to be out the door and you will never, never, ever see him again! Put a halt to that –ish right now!

If I were you, and since he wants to solicit other women, tell his ex how much he misses her, and loves her, and has dating profiles up claiming he is not married and has no children, then I will call the Immigration office and let them know that I would be interested in rescinding my application because the man I married only used me to get his green card. Then, I would provide them with all the documented proof of what he’s been doing. Print all that –ish out and put it in a folder. Take it up to the Immigration office and get ready for the performance of your life! Let them know all the lies he’s told you, and the promises he made you. Let them know that you’re not interested in covering for him, and getting him into the country. He’s used you and you refuse to let him get away with his charade and deception. Then, go home and wait until his next appointment. He will get a big a** surprise when he gets to the office and tell him, “Mr. Umfufu, could you please wait right here. We’ll be right back.” – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

      

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