I’m a 30-year old female who has been in a relationship for the past 5 years.
As of the past year in the relationship I have been completely stressed out due to financial issues (with no assistance from him) and lack of attention. With this being said, sex hasn’t been much of a concern for me. He has stressed the fact that this is a need for him, in which I do understand, but I’m not as sexually attracted to him as I was.
So, let’s fast forward a bit; five months ago I began a new friendship with a co-worker who had been pursuing me hard. I became aware of the fact that he had a lady (who he plans on marrying) once we started to get acquainted, and he knew of my situation. We would be temporary. We begin to get quite close over time and eventually became physical 2 months in (mostly kissing and sex only a couple times). Feelings have started to brew on both ends to the point that we were falling for one another, but someone else came in to the picture: God. One minute he’s telling me how he needs me in his life and he can’t let me go, and I’m his addiction. Then he’s making statements of him being disobedient to GOD. This little charade has happened about 3 times. – Am I His Addiction
Dear Ms. Am I His Addiction,
Girl, really? Really! You fell for that ole okey doke! LMBAO!
I guess you didn’t read the “Jump-Off” handbook, or get the memo circulating around the office. I need to create a section called “Jump-Off Rules” for companies so they can put them in their employee handbooks. But, it wouldn’t matter because no one reads the employee handbooks anyway. Perhaps we can circulate a company-wide email. Yeah, I’ll do that! LOL!
Chile, you are a grown woman, yet, I beg to differ that you have matured mentally. But, I’m going to deduce this to the fact that you were vulnerable, and because things were not going well at home, you wanted to feel wanted and needed. You wanted to feel like a woman, and this co-worker gave your a** a little bit of attention and you got moist. He said things to you that made you smile, and your heart flutter. He was your ‘go-to’ person because you felt you had no one to talk to, and he listened to you. That’s all you wanted. Someone to listen to you, and to tell you that it would be okay. Girl, I CAN’T! Smack yourself upside your own damn head!
This ain’t no damn Harlequin book! You’re not in a Hollywood movie. This is MoFo’ing real life! You better wake your damn a** up and get out of this damn fantasy!
He is lying to you, and played on your vulnerability. He played on your weakness. And, any man can see when a woman is weak and vulnerable, and he will swoop right in and take your goodies. Y’all gon’ learn! Don’t ever, ever, ever, never ever go to another man when you are dealing with issues at home with your man. Don’t ever, ever, ever, never ever go to another man when don’t have anyone to talk to and confess how you’re feeling lonely, and your man doesn’t understand you, and doesn’t get you. When another man hears those things the predator in him comes alive. He’s ready for the hunt. And, he’s going to pounce on your back and in between your legs.
And, why the hell would you have an office fling?!?! Don’t you know that you don’t –ish where you sleep/work!! That is a no-no! You do not have affairs with co-workers, staff, or anyone in the office. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Now, this fool has come to you talking about God told him he is being disobedient, but he can’t let you go because he needs you in his life and can’t let you go, and you’re his addiction. (* *) Blank stare at him and you! Well, didn’t God also tell him prior to having an affair with you that it was wrong for him to be sleeping with another woman when he is about to get married? Didn’t God tell him to leave you alone prior to him jumping in between your legs? Yeah, now, he’s playing the God card because he wants to keep you around but make you feel guilty at the same time. Listen here, heifer, he’s playing you and using God to do so. I can’t stand folks playing with God and using God when they have guilty consciences for their behaviors talking about, “God told me this, and God told me that.” God ain’t said nothing to you!!
Leave that man alone, and cut off all communication with him. Yup, his charade is up, and it’s time you put an end to it. If you don’t work with him directly, then there is no reason or need to be chit-chatting, or even fraternizing with him. Don’t answer his calls, emails, or acknowledge him. Keep it moving. And, you need to work on your relationship at home. Instead of running into another man’s arms, you’re a** should have ran to your man and talked with him about what was going on. Communicate people! Damn! It’s that easy. Express what you’re feeling, and experiencing. Let your partner know what’s going on. If you don’t, and you shut them out, then how can they help rectify the situation, or even work on it? DUH!! Girl, I’m done with you. Go play in the middle of a busy street with someone else and leave me alone. Oh, and by the way, once your man learns that you had an affair with a co-worker he’s going to leave you. – Terrance Dean
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Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean