I read your answers to women’s questions and I have a similar problem.
I am a convicted felon living on a fixed income, and due to a disability I can’t keep a good job. And, it’s because of my disability not because of my conviction.
My new girlfriend is a doctor. She doesn’t care about my finances and I believe in standing on my own two feet. So, I don’t want her money or anything like that. In fact, if she worked at McDonald’s I wouldn’t care.
I want to know how and when do I tell her? Because of the nature of what she does, I know I have to tell her. I could sure use some good advice please. – Want To Be Honest
Dear Mr. Want To Be Honest,
Chile, you say she doesn’t care about your finances, well, uhm, sir, she may care about you being a convicted felon. For some women that is a deal breaker. Especially depending on what the felon is.
And, I can’t stress it enough about communicating and being honest with your partners. Relationships can only work best when people have an open dialogue. Tell your partner the truth. Live in your truth. And, be your truth. What’s so freaking hard about that?
Chile, all this hiding, holding on to things, and not saying anything because you’re afraid of what they will say or do will only keep you living in fear. It’s not about them. It’s about you! It’s about you living in your truth, and you being happy. If you’re honest with yourself, and it seems that you are, then that’s what matters most.
I’m sorry if you can’t work due to a disability, but you’ve got to tell her the truth about your situation. Don’t wait another day, another week, or another month. Tell her today! Besides, she’s a doctor. Hell, I’m sure if anyone would understand it would be her. And, if she doesn’t want to be with you be after learning you’re a convicted felon with a disability living on a fixed income and who can’t keep a job, then so be it. Move on! But, she does deserve to know about your circumstances before she commits and becomes invested in you and a potential relationship. Keeping her in the dark will only make matters worse later.
So, sit with her, explain to her about your disability, and why you can’t maintain a good job. Let her know that you’re on a fixed income, and that your finances may not be able to keep her in a luxury lifestyle to which she may be accustomed. Y’all are on a budget! All the fancy restaurants, gifts, and potential vacations will have to be on her dime. LMBAO! Let me stop.
Yeah, just know that once she discovers the truth she may bounce on you. Though most women may not mind you being a convicted felon, however, there are those who are in professional positions who may be concerned due to their social standings in their communities, careers, and families. They don’t want to deal with the backlash and judgments from their families and friends. There is the potential negativity they can have in their career as they navigate the professional landscape. Though it may be no one’s business, but eventually folks will want to know who you are, what you do for a living, and your background.
Yes, it will be constant condemnation about you, and your situation. Everyone will judge you and look at you side eye. Can you do anything about it? No. Should you care? No. But, unfortunately when you’re with someone who is a professional it comes with the territory.
So, just keep doing you. And, look for careers that can work around your disability. Find things you can do that will supplement your income. You didn’t say what your disability is therefore I cannot offer advice on what alternative careers to seek. But, don’t let your circumstance dictate your situation. Rise above and be above. (That’s my Jesse Jackson motivational speech for you). Now, call her up, invite her to dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet, and then tell her truth. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!