Okay, I have been seeing this guy off and on for about 5 years and I’m trying to break it off but it is hard.
The thing is that I’m married and have been for over 10 years and the guy that I’m messing with is, or was, my husband’s best friend. I know what you are thinking, but it is not about the sex. Believe me it’s not. I have some type of emotional attachment that I just can’t break.
My husband knows because I couldn’t take the guilt and he believes that we are no longer having any contact with each other. I haven’t slept with him in almost a year, but we still send each other text messages and emails. And whenever I’m in the same room with the both of them I feel so guilty. My husband had cheated on me so it was my way of getting even, but it turned into something more. I’m happy with my husband now and things couldn’t be better. It is just that I often catch myself thinking about the other guy. How do I break it off for good and move on? What is this that I’m feeling? It can’t be love. – Confused And Trying To Move On
Dear Ms. Confused And Trying To Move On,
Well, darling, the key word here is “try.” There is no such thing as try. Either you do or you don’t. Let me ask you this, Ms. Hot-mess-who-don’t-know-jack-about-nothing, do you TRY to sit down? Do you TRY to stand up? Hell no! You just do it. Did you TRY to get in the relationship with your husband’s best friend? Hell no! You just did it. So, why can’t you just end it? It’s because you don’t want to end it. And, of course it’s going to be difficult to move on from a 5 year intimate relationship with a man you’ve been sneaking around with and he’s still around all up in your face and socializing with you and your husband. Y’all folks are not going to do me today, tomorrow, or any other day. Talking about you’re confused. Trick, be for real. You’re not confused, you’re stuck on stupid.
And, your husband is a good one because to still allow his best friend to be in his presence, and the two of you are still living and breathing, girl, all I’m going to say is you better sleep with one eye open. Your husband has either a really big heart, and truly forgives you and his best friend, or he is plotting the biggest revenge since the history of snatching wigs back and putting people six feet under.
You really need some self-evaluation and introspection into your life, marriage, and self. Why did you lie to your husband and tell him you’re no longer in contact with the other man and you are still sending text messages and emails to each other? Oh, yeah, it’s because you’re a liar, deceiver, and manipulator and that’s what y’all do. I’m just calling a spade a spade. If you really wanted to end it, then you wouldn’t be corresponding with the man, let alone being all up in his face giggling and laughing like nothing has ever happened. Girl, his wife must also be a piece of work because she should have snatched the un-dyed roots from your head.
I don’t feel any empathy for you because you’re engaging in a selfish, egotistical, and sadistic relationship with your husband’s best friend and lying to everyone around you, including yourself, talking about it’s over. No, Ms. Honey, you’re late, late, and more late!! If you don’t want to be with your husband then get out of the marriage, because Ms. Thang I don’t believe you when you say it’s all good with your husband now, because if it was then you wouldn’t be up to your old nasty infidel trifling tricks. And, uhm, no boo boo, it’s not love. Love is not about playing games, misleading people, using others, manipulation, and deception. Love is gracious, kind, heartfelt, drama free, and being vulnerable. What you’re doing is tricking. You’re tricking your husband and his best friend. And, what’s tricking if you ain’t got tricks. Let your husband go and stop playing with his heart, emotions, and mind. Trust me, if he finds out the relationship is still continuing between the two of you, he is going to go loco on the both of you, and don’t be surprised when you are waking up months or years from now from an induced coma. You will know why.
Look, Ms. Confused And Trying To Move On, the reason you can’t move on from this man is because your spirit is connected to his emotionally and physically. No matter what you try to do he is a part of you and the stronghold of the spiritual bond is difficult to break. Sex is consummating a relationship, and just so you know this because I don’t think you’re too bright, but when a man enters a woman, and the woman receives the man, there is an exchanging of spirits. While he is depositing, the woman is receiving. Thus, the woman carries another man’s spirit, and everything that comes along with it. Yes, Ms. Honey, all of his spiritual baggage he dumps in you and leaves, you end up carrying and then you’re sending me a letter asking why can’t I get rid of this man. He’s connected to you. You need a spiritual cleanse. You need a spiritual rejuvenation and bath. It’s obvious you’re not in a church, or involved with a spiritual group or community because you would know this.
I don’t believe in playing games, and I’m not going to start playing this one with you. It’s time to come clean with your husband and tell him the truth. You need to be honest with him about everything because if the two of you decide to stay together, he is going to be your support system, and help you get through this situation. But, I doubt if he’s going to stick around. And, you need to find a spiritual leader, minister, preacher, or someone to help you remove the other man’s spiritual stronghold on you. You are not going to be able to do it alone. And, you have to remove the man out of your life. Yes, loose hips, you’re going to have to get him out of your life, and although he may be gone physically, you have to emotionally and mentally remove him. Also, read some spiritual self-help books by Iyanla Vanzant, Marianne Williamson, and T.D. Jakes. You got to get your mind, body, and spirit right because right now you’re all wrong, tired, and trifling. If one thing I know and it’s if you play with other folks emotions, you’re setting yourself up for a horrible fall, and no one will be there for you to help you pick up the pieces. – Terrance Dean
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!