Please give me your honest opinion! I started seeing a good friend over two years ago. We love each other. He is my soul mate, which is something you only find once if you’re lucky. I believe fate made him tell me how he felt, which was such a relief because I always felt the same about him. I filed for divorce a week before he told me and have since then divorced. He says until his son is 18, he won’t leave, which is in about 3years. Because of his line of work he had, he missed about 6 years of his life, so I understand that part. Our children are friends. We adore each other’s children, but nobody knows are secret, especially the children.
We get along wonderful. The sex is terrific. The only thing I miss is not being able to be with him whenever I feel like it. I’ve been told by men and even woman how beautiful I am. It really wouldn’t be hard to get a 24/7 boyfriend, but I want him. I never in a million years would’ve thought as myself as the other woman or would want this done to me, but you can’t help who you fall in love with. He isn’t happy with his wife, and it’s very obvious if you were to see them out in public.
We always hung together at functions and no matter who was around we would just flirt, crack jokes, etc. We even attended a party, not together, and I actually had one of my exes cousins say to me, “Is that your boyfriend?” Because of the situation I said no, we are just friends and he told me that whatever we claim to have it’s more than that. The way we would glance at each other and the way our body language was, he said hold on to whatever it is that we have because it’s rare to find that chemistry. Now mind you, this is someone I hadn’t seen in 10+ years from my exes side. Over the years before we even started secretly seeing each other, people always would question us. I love him so much and would have no problems spending the rest of my life with him, but is it wrong for me to want to grow old with this man? Like I said, he’s my soul mate, my lover and my friend. We have tried to break it off 5 times over almost 2 1/2 years for the sake of his family and son, yet we always end up back together. Please tell me you have good advice!
Please don’t include my email on a response. I don’t need a bunch of crazies emailing me, but I do hope to get your answer. – Loving A Married Man
Dear Ms. Loving A Married Man,
He is married. He is not your man. He is not yours. He does not belong to you. You are the sidepiece. You are the side chick. You’re something to do until there is resolution with his wife, and until he gets tired of you. Because eventually he will get tired of you as well.
And, the very karma and drama you are keeping up with a married man, it will come back to you. Trust and believe!
For the record, I don’t care who justifies or approves or give their thumbs up to your flirting, glancing at one another, and body language. The man is married.
But, you know what, why am I giving you advice. Your silly and dumb a** is going to do what you want to do anyway. Why are you asking me for advice when you have already made up in your mind what you are going to do? You want me to justify your illicit affair? You want me to tell you, “Yes, girl, you can’t help who you love, and wait on that man. It sounds like you two are destined to be together.” Girl, get the “F” out of here with that bull-ish!
Think about this – He has told you that he is not leaving his wife until his son turns 18 years old. Why is that? Oh, my bad, he gave you some bull-ish answer that because his job had him out of his son’s life for 6 years he wants to make up for that time, and he’s going to remain married to his wife? Does that make any got damn sense to you!?! What does his wife have to do with him spending time with his son? He doesn’t have to remain married to his wife in order to be in his son’s life. Especially if he is soooooo unhappy in his marriage. Why be with someone if you are sooooooo unhappy? Remaining married for the ‘sake’ of the child is a lame and poor excuse to not get a divorce. Please do not put it off on the child. Is the real reason that it’s because he’s trying not to pay child support? So, he is willing to remain miserable, unhappy, and drag her through his misery for the sake of saving money for a child he helped to produce? But, in the meantime, he’s found a woman, YOU, to give him some sex, attention, time, and a shoulder to lean on until he decides to leave his wife in three years? Tricks come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. And, you, my dear, are a trick!
Girl, I tell you, stupid is as stupid does. You sit and wait on him all you want, but I’m going to tell you this – When his son turns 18 and you discover he doesn’t get the divorce, then what are you going to do? Or, if he does go through with the divorce what makes you think he is going to jump into another marriage so quickly, and with you? A lot can happen in three years. And, in those three years while you’re sitting at home waiting on him, and those lonely holidays – Thanksgiving; Christmas; New Year’s; July Fourth; Memorial Weekend; Labor Day Weekend; Valentine’s Day; and he’s with his family. You’re at home alone with a bottle of wine crying and hoping he’ll call you or sneak out and spend an hour or two with you. He is still living his life and being a family man to his wife and child.
You say that you’ve tried to break if off 5 times, but chile do you realize that he is not going to let his secure p***y go. You’re on reserve. You’re on an indefinite hold. He is not letting you get away. He needs somewhere to lay his troubles, and dump his nut. I think the term best used here is, “nut rag.”
Both of you are selfish, immature, and deceitful. You sneak out to see one another. You sneak around trying to keep your lust for one another under wraps. And, as you said, “No one knows our secret.” LMBAO! Well, as I told a woman who was dating a friend of mine and she said that same a** stupid –ish to me, “We are keeping our relationship a secret because we don’t want everyone in our business.” And, I politely told her, “As you’re sitting her bragging about your secret relationship, honestly, I wouldn’t allow someone to deny me in public, or keep me as some secret side piece.” And, you know what happened? Yes, lo and behold, he dumped her a few months later after he met a woman while at the gym and they got married a few months later.
So, while you’re bragging about your secret love affair, you do realize he loves the fact you’re keeping his secret. No man wants anyone to find out their dirt and skeletons. But, those are the games little boys and little girls play. I won’t say he is a man because a real man wouldn’t be playing these games. A real man would be honest and upfront with his wife and wouldn’t lead her on. He would leave so that they both can be happy. A real man would take on his responsibilities with dignity. A real man wouldn’t be playing these games and sneaking around like he is in high school. But, I forgot, yet again, when you’re not playing with a full deck, it’s easy to get women like you to think you’re the one he’ll leave his wife for.
So, go ahead and wait on him. Think this is love and he’s your soul mate. Allow the d**k to convolute the rest of your small ass brain. Keep hope alive that he is going to run into your arms in three years when his son turns 18. Hit me back up in three years and let me know how things are going. As a matter of fact, hit me up in a year and give me an update. I’m certain things will not be the same. And, know that your little secret is not a secret. Everyone already knows. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!