My boyfriend and I have been dating now for 5 years.
We do not live together. He has a nice bigger house that mine and his mortgage is all paid off. He has one daughter who does not live with him. I have a house, but I still have 10 more years to pay for it. He is self-employed and his medical insurance is almost $700 a month. His business is very slow and he kept on borrowing through his equity line of credit to pay his regular bills.
He wanted to either get married or I add him as his common law so I could help him out in medical insurance. I asked him what will I get in return? He said I will have him. Is that a fair deal? I have 2 teenagers and I have more debt than him, but I have a decent job. I pay my bills on time and I have good credit score. I like him and we have great chemistry, but is that a good sense of security for me? What if he dies? What if I lose my job? Again, what if he dies? Do I just move out of the house leaving behind memories and receive nothing in return. Thanks for reading. – Does It Make Sense
Dear Ms. Does It Make Sense,
In my Jeffrey Osborne voice, “Can you say No, No, No!”
Hell to the NO! Hell to the NAW! And, in Spanish – No! In Korean – No! In Greek – No! In Chinese – No! In French – No!
Chile, I loved when you asked him, “What will I get in return?” You better work!!! I cannot tell you how proud I am of you for asking him that poignant question, ‘What is in it for you?’ And, he is going to sit up there and say you will have him. Uhm, boo boo, you already got him. What does he mean you will have him? That is a loaded statement. I don’t want to assume anything, but you should have asked him, “What do you mean I will have you? I already do. Are you inferring that I don’t have you? Are you inferring that based on the contingency of me adding you to my insurance that I do not have you completely, and if I don’t add you then you will leave? But, leave what? We’re not married so you leaving will just be you leaving. We don’t share anything or have anything jointly together. So, what will I lose out on?”
And, does his inference mean that he doesn’t claim you as his girl, or woman? So, in his mind you don’t completely have him, and he can walk away at any moment. Hmmmm, I’m just asking questions here.
Also, you stated that he wanted to get married, or you claim him as common law so you could help him out. Well, does he only want to get married so that he can get on your insurance? Is that the only reason he wants to get married? Chile, I would be giving him the side-eye with that statement. So, all the time during your 5 years of dating he didn’t want to get married before, but, as soon as he gets into a bind with no medical insurance, and all of sudden he wants to get married? SMDH! Do you love me or the access to my insurance? HELLO!
And, I’m not sure what state you live in, but you need to find out about common law, and the year limits on common law. Can you do that if you’re with someone for only 5 years?
But, let’s digress here and look at a few things. He owns his home. He doesn’t have a mortgage, and I’m happy he is self-employed, and earning his own income. Kudos to him. But, err, uhm, in my Susie Orman voice, “You should always have a back-up plan, especially in this economy, of having at least 6 months of discretionary income so you won’t find yourself in this situation.” He is asking you for a bailout, but in all reality bailing him out is a huge liability. (Follow me here and think of he and yourself as corporations). If he is more of a liability to you, then why assume his debt? Does that make sense? His response to you is that you will have him. That is not assurance, or insurance for you. As you’ve stated, what if he gets injured, hurt, or something does happen more tragically. Then what? Who assumes those costs if he is unable to pay the medical bills? You did state that he borrowed through his line of equity, thus incurring more debt. And, if he incurred more debt, and business is slow, then perhaps he should readjust his business, or look at getting an additional job to help his costs. But, that’s the common sense thinking in me.
Also, you have two teenagers, a mortgage, your own bills, more debt than he, and you have a GOOD CREDIT SCORE! Ma’am, you do the math. Does adding him to your insurance help you or hinder you?
By the way, let’s think here for a moment: Like you said, what if you lose your job? What if something happens to you? Then, who will manage the medical insurance? He can’t cover it. Then you will have five people in one household with no insurance. Does that make sense? And, if you have debt, and he has debt, and you move in with him, that is just more debt together. That doesn’t make sense. And, then you will find yourself spending and doing things on YOUR credit to get out of the huge mountainous debt you have together. Hmmmm, by the way, you would still have to sell your home.
Has he looked into ObamaCare? Has he checked around for self-employed insurance for independent persons? Some occupations allow reduced insurance rates through non-traditional insurance companies. He will have to do his homework and search them out. Also, has he looked into getting a part-time job with a company, and utilizing their insurance? Some companies offer health insurance to their part-time employees, but again, he is going to have to get off his a**, let go of his ego, and do what he has to do as a man and handle his business.
In the end, what I am saying is before you even consider adding him to your insurance, he needs to exhaust all his options. He needs to explore every other possible solution before putting you into a situation that may jeopardize you and your livelihood, and you’re only dating. Do I think it’s wise to add him to your insurance? No. Do I think it’s beneficial to you? No. Do I think it’s beneficial to him? Yes. You need to sit with him and discuss the future of your relationship and if adding him to your insurance plays a part of that future. Listen to what he has to say, and his actions thereafter. Also, ask him about his intentions to get married. Why now? Is it because he needs insurance, and this will remedy his immediate situation, or satisfy either of you in being married. Do you love him enough whereas it doesn’t matter, and you’re willing to invest him and the future of your relationship? Think about these things, and you decide what is in the best interest of you and your children. That’s who comes first in this situation. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean