Dear Bossip: I Allow My Husband To Sleep With Other Women, But How Do I Explain It To My Friends

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I am happily married to my husband for 6 years.

We have an open understanding relationship, i.e. open on his end and understanding on my end. He is allowed to pleasure other women while I listen, watch or on rare occasions join in. We are not swingers or belong to any other lifestyle groups. We are an attractive young couple that enjoy each other sexually, mentally and spiritually where he is an exhibitionist and I am a voyeur. It mostly starts off he meets someone at a club, lounge, bar etc. if he is interested he would text me the situation, including a picture of her or sometimes he would call me and speak with her to let her know that is ok, go ahead and have fun. He does disclose that he is happily married. For me to be understanding my husband and I communicate with each other openly and express our feelings or concerns freely with each other. We do have three HARD rules that should not be broken such as complete honesty, safe sex, and it ends before there is an emotional attachment to the other woman.

I have enlightened a few of my girl friends to my sex life and have received major backlash from my girlfriends. They say to me that he does not love me if he has sex with these other women, I don’t love myself enough to say to him that this is crazy, or simply put they just don’t understand why it is ok for him to sleep with other women and for me not to go out and sleep with other men…I have no desire to be with another man. For you see, my husband, he is 6’3” built like a god, smooth caramel goodness all over, with a devilishly charming smile that easily disarms women and he is well endowed.

I don’t want to lose my friends. How do I let them know, convince them to accept that I am truly happy and comfortable with my marriage and sex life…they are constantly asking me to go out with them to meet other men…constantly saying negative things about my relationship with my husband. – Exotic Relationship

Dear Ms. Exotic Relationship,

Uhm, okay, if you like it, I love it. Can’t knock what you and your husband have obviously discussed and agreed upon.

And, if your friends don’t understand you and your husband’s arrangement, then guess what? It’s not their business, nor is it their relationship. Why are you concerned or allow yourself to be badgered by your friends? If you don’t care what or how they feel then stop telling them your business, and before they can bring up your husband and your relationship you have the power to shut them and the conversation down. Here’s what you say to them: “Look here boo boo, I don’t tell you how to run your marriage, so I certainly don’t want to hear your comments, thoughts, or concerns about my marriage. And, as a matter of fact, the last time I checked I’m a grown a** woman married to a grown a** man. We are two consenting adults, and I don’t have to explain my situation to you or anyone else. Now, go get you some business and stay the “F” out of mine.”  See how easy that was? See how it just flowed off the lips. LOL!

And, no matter what, your friends are not going to stop their negative comments, so you may have to find some new friends. Look, our friends want the best for us. They don’t want to see us get hurt, or be misused or abused because they love us. However, you have to learn how to separate your marriage from your friendship, and if you don’t want to lose them, then set some boundaries. Let them know that the discussion about your marriage is off-limits. It’s not an open discussion, forum, or town hall meeting.

But, I do want to know how and why you got married if your husband has the ability to sleep with any woman he wants? Why get married? You could have just remained in a relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend and kept it open. What happens when you have children? How do you explain the situation to them? What if another woman happens to get pregnant? Condoms do break. And, one last question. What is your mental/emotional state of mind? (I’ll wait why you answer those questions. I know they are thought-provoking, and I also know you will have a justifiable answer to each of them. Weak women generally do.)

I hope you didn’t think I was going to let you off easy. What the “F” are you thinking!?!? What the hell type of “arrangement” is this bull-ish!?!? And, you talking about you’re not swingers. (*  *) Blank stare at you! You know what, you’re right. You’re not swingers. Swingers mean that both partners are engaged in partner swapping. Your common a** is sitting at home while your husband is out screwing other women, or on rare occasions you watch or join in. Your husband is just an outright hoe with privileges. What color was the Kool-Aid he had you drink before he brought this asinine proposition to you? SMDH! Girl, don’t drink anymore of it. Ole’ Jim Jones smooth-talking pimping a**!

Your marriage is supposed to be sanctified and an institution between two people. Explain the other random women he lays with? Explain the interchanging of spirits that occur when your husband lays with other women as he lays with his wife? There is a spiritual bond that occurs during sex. Every time he is with another woman he collects her spiritual energy, and she collects his, and then he comes home to you and dumps her spiritual energy into you. Chile, they may as well call you the Spirit Collector. And, what about bodily fluids that are exchanged?!?! Oh, Ms. Honey, the more I think of this, the more I’m getting sick.

Girl, you know what why am I explaining this to your dumba**. Keep doing you. One day you’re going to wake up and find yourself acting like Sybil with eight different personalities. Hell, it was the second personality that wrote me this damn letter. Get off my page before someone else comes through. “Stay away from the light Carol-Anne!” – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

    

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