Dear Bossip: I’m Seeing A Man Who Gambles, Lives With Me & My Son & Only Contributes A Small Portion

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been reading your relationship advice for over a year now.

I’m going to get to the point about “Work it Out or Put Out.” I’ve been dating a man for over a year now. We are both knocking on 40. He’s divorced with 6 kids (will have 4 of 6 most of the time) and I’m a single with a teenage son. We both have decent jobs, but his vice (gambling) prevents him from getting ahead in life. Well, I’m in the process of buying a home and he lives with my son and I.  Here are the concerns:

1. When I bought the home, I had my son & I in mind and didn’t think that our relationship would go past 6 months but it did. My home is a 3-bedroom with 1 of the rooms being my home office.  It’s big enough for my son and I, fully furnished by me. He wants his kids to have a room of their own or sleep with us. Please keep in my mind that my son doesn’t watch TV in my bedroom because the boyfriend is in the room already before I get in to watch what I want to watch.

2. He doesn’t interact with my son and my son doesn’t attempt to do so either. My son has adapted to me being his full-time parent and accepts that his father is absent from his life.

3.  The boyfriend feels that if he pays 35% of the bills that he has equal rank over things.

4. He doesn’t have a car but when he had the money to buy a car, he gambled it away.

5. I like his kids but my son doesn’t and has threatened to move in with my parents. Of course I told him he couldn’t but he’s dead set on not being bothered with the kids.

6. I’ve suggested that we go to a relationship coach because of my concerns regarding grocery shopping for his kids, him turning off the TV so that others can sleep, doing more when he’s off work, and his trusts issues.

My question to you is…should I work it or cut my losses now and put him out? – Ms. Tired

Dear Ms. Tired,

Ma’am, how the hell is this man going to dictate what’s going on in your house that you are purchasing, and you’re not even married? Please explain to me how the hell he is going to tell you what he wants, yet, he is gambling his money away? And, his bum a** is only contributing 35% to the bills, and you’re sitting up there listening to him. LMBAO! Girl, he’s a joke, and you’re the pun of the joke.

I don’t get this playing house business, and letting these men move in and dictate what’s going to go down in a house he is not on the deed to. I don’t get this shacking up and he got 6 kids, of which 4 are with him, and he wants them to have their own room. Then tell his a** to go and get a house big enough for him and his 4 kids. The hell!!!

Why are you allowing this man to relegate your home and he’s not on the mortgage? Why are you giving this man that much freedom to tell you what is going to go down and he’s gambling his money away, and only contributing a fraction to the bills? Really! Really? Girl, I’m like your son, I wouldn’t want to be bothered with him or his kids. He’s obviously the most rational one in the house, and if you don’t wake up and get your –ish together your son will run away to your parent’s home and not return. And, I don’t blame him.

And, this man who is in your home doesn’t make any attempts to interact with your own son, and you’re thinking of building something more with this man? Please, please see the forest with the trees. If a grown a** man is not connecting, or building a relationship with your child, then what future do you think you will have with this man? If this man doesn’t engage with your child and there is division amongst them, you will always be in the middle of them because they will always be at odds. And, I’ve seen it too many times how women will choose a man over their own child. So, sad that you’re so hungry and thirsty for d**k, that you will negate and dismiss your own child.

A good man, a truly great, kind, and loving man who is interested in a woman with kids, and he has kids, then he would make every attempt in making your child feel like one of his own. He would include your child in their outings, conversations, and gatherings. He would go to great lengths to make sure your child, especially your son, has a positive male role model in his life, particularly if his own dad is absent. So, basically, and the real truth is that you’ve inherited another absent father figure in your son’s life. And, how is this working out for you or your son?

But, let’s wrap this up and get the bull-ish calculator out. Let’s add that your man is living with you because his credit is most likely jacked up, and he is not on the lease/mortgage to your home, yet he wants to dictate how the house is run. Let’s see, adding he’s a damn fool with a lot of damn nerve equals he’s a jacka** with no sense. Now, let’s multiply that by he wants his 4 kids to move into a 3-bedroom home, of which there is you, your son, and your man. That is three people. And, add 4 more kids, into the spare room which is your office. Then how the hell is this MoFo thinking all of you can fit into this small a** house? He’s dumb as bricks. That’s why he is gambling his money away and not winning. He can’t add. Ole’ simple a**! Sitting at the Blackjack table telling the dealer to “hit” him with another card when he has a total of 20. SMDH!

And, let’s do the square root of him contributing 35% to the bills in the household, and he has no car, but he’s running his mouth about what’s going down in the house. LMBAO! Girl, I can’t.  Uhm, sweetie, that equals he’s a broke bum a** dude with no say. He better shut the hell up and get to cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry. He needs to make up the other 65% he’s lacking on. Oh, don’t get it twisted. He wants to play house, and dictate what’s going on in the house, and he wants to bring his 4 kids into the home, and he doesn’t have a car, chile, he’s need to be paying 100% of the bills. You pay all the bills, ba-by, you can say anything you want. Until then, I’m going to need him to have several seats over in that corner and act like he knows. So, basically, he’s not worth the investment. He’s a liability. And, if you invest in him your stock will plummet, and your value will decrease. You have more money going out than coming in. Get rid of him, and your stock will rise, your value will increase, and your happiness will soar. And, your son will love you for being smart and wise. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

     

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