First, let me tell you that I love your column.
You give the realest advice and I get the feeling you genuinely care about each individual you receive letters from. With that being said I think that I’ve lost my mind. My son’s dad and I broke up a couple of years ago due to infidelity on his part. A couple years go by and I’ve decided that I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. I prefer to just have sex and utilize my “block” app after, so no further contact will happen.
The problem is I have met two guys maybe 3 months apart from each other. The first guy is really sweet and he gives me whatever I ask for and the sex is just okay. We’re both into the same type of things sexually and I like that. The second guy is someone who is nice but he is adamant that he’s not into “tricking” (this is his word) and refuses to do anything for me and sex with him is HORRIBLE, but he really is a good guy.
Now please understand that I’ve always been in very long relationships and never really got the chance to explore the “hoe in me” side and I use protection every time by the way. I guess my question is that because I’m seeing two guys who don’t know about each other and they both want to be with me, is it wrong to continue to date both of them? I rarely have sex with either so I don’t think there’s a call on the play. Mind you, I’ve told both of these men that I do not want to be in anything serious. Your fan forever. – Feeling Kind of Hoe-Ish
Dear Ms. Feeling Kind of Hoe-Ish,
LOL! Girl, I love you!! You better do you and explore your inner-hoe! And, I love that you use the “block” app so when you’re done, you’re done. Ba-by! I am a big advocate of “block” and “delete.” Hell, for those I don’t want to be bothered with I even put “DNA” next to their name – DO NOT ANSWER. LOL!
And, please don’t apologize for knowing what you want, and for doing you! Hell, there are more people who need to be honest with themselves and tell themselves the truth as opposed to fooling and tricking people into relationships, and then hurt others along the way. Chile, don’t get caught up in that.
So, I’m saying, get your freak on, enjoy yourself, and date. That is what dating is all about. It’s exploring and meeting new and different people. You’re dating. You go out, get to know one another, and if you choose to then you engage in sex. You’re not committed to anyone, and you are enjoying yourself and spending time with people and getting to know them. And, there is nothing wrong with have sex, just as long as you keep using protection so that you won’t end up with another baby daddy, or some sexually transmitted disease.
However, I am a firm believer in being honest with folks up front. Let them know, “I am not interested in a relationship. But, I am dating, and I am seeing other people. We are not exclusive. I do enjoy your company, and I enjoy spending time with you. I hope you can handle that, and who knows what the future holds. Perhaps there can be something more. But, in the meantime, I am dating, and getting to know you, just as you’re getting to know me.” You see how easy and simple that is? You see how saying this will save you a world of headaches? Because if you’re not honest and truthful with people upfront and they learn or discover that you are seeing other people, then they will feel mislead and deceived by your actions.
Therefore, be honest and let the men you’re seeing know that you are dating. You don’t have to go into details about who you are dating, and discussing them about each other to each other. You’re dating. And, continue to be honest and letting know them that you’re not looking for a relationship at this time. Be honest. Be truthful. Hell, the man who told you that he wasn’t into “tricking” was honest with you. He let you know that he refuses to spend any money on you, but yet he wants to lay up with you. And, the sex is horrible. Chile, puhlease! Yeah, all you need to be doing with him is dating him. Tell him he needs to get his sex game up, and then he can use the disclaimer that he is not into “tricking.”
Listen, girl, you’re free. You know what you want. And, you’re taking the necessary precautions on protecting yourself during sex. Girl, be the hoe! Hoe in the morning, noon, and evening. And, don’t let anyone’s judgment or opinion of you affect you. Until they are paying your bills, feeding you, and willing taking care of you and your child, then girl DO YOU! And, to answer your question if it’s wrong to continue dating both of them? Uhm, no it’s not. You’re dating. And, you already told them that you are not looking for anything serious. Now, hang from the rafters, and continue exploring the hoe in you. We all got a little hoe in us. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!