I’m a 22-year old sophomore in college (started late) and I’m currently dating a guy whom I met on campus.
Just recently I met his mother and she seemed like a very sweet woman. She didn’t really talk
to me much and she didn’t really get to know me, but I didn’t think anything of it. I simply chalked it up to her being busy. However, after our first meeting, anytime me and my boyfriend tried to hang out, I’d always hear about his mother calling me “irresponsible” and “reckless” because I “partied too much.”
Then she called me disrespectful after saying that I stayed at her house too long….even though while I was there she told me to “get comfortable and stay as long as you like.” Also, she never calls me by my name. It’s always “that girl.” She’s even brought up some of his ex-girlfriends that she likes while I’m around. My boyfriend keeps telling me that she likes me, but she only acts like that because he’s her youngest child and that she does it to all his girlfriends.
Now I do respect their relationship and would not dare come at this lady any other way but the right way, but I feel like if she doesn’t like me then she shouldn’t pretend that she does. I would never disrespect her, but I don’t want her to be phony with me. Am I wrong for thinking that way? Should I let it slide off my back? Do I get him to address it? What should I do? – Loving Him But Not His Mom
Dear Ms. Loving Him But Not His Mom
Chile, stop going to his mother’s house, don’t entertain her and her antics, and tell him, “As long as we’re together, I don’t want to hear what your mother has said about me. And, you need to tell her to stop referring to me as “that girl,” and address me by the name my mother gave me. And, for her to be a grown a** woman and a mother, she should know better about talking reckless about someone else’s child.” Nip all that –ish in the bud!! LOL!
And, if you party too much, well what the hell! You’re in college! Have fun! Enjoy yourself! It’s your college years, and you’re young. You’re supposed to party, have fun, and have a good time. Yes, do it in moderation, but still, have FUN!! She’s just reflecting on you what she probably did in her younger years, and regrets some mistakes she did. And, some man probably dogged her and did her wrong. Or, one of her friends probably swooped in and took her man back in the day. Whatever her issues are, don’t let her project her insecurities onto you.
Furthermore, I wouldn’t count on making him your permanent boyfriend, or someone to spend the rest of your life with. He’s a momma’s boy who is looking for approval from his momma. He won’t stand up to her, and he won’t speak up for you on your behalf, then uhm, he’s not boyfriend material. He needs to be with his momma. They seem to make a good couple.
I hate that he is running back to you and telling you what his momma said about you. He’s a little a** boy, and his baby nuts need to be up under his momma’s breast suckling on her tit. LOL!
Ask yourself these questions: Is the reason he’s running back to you and telling you what she said is because he also feels the same way? Does he think you’re reckless, irresponsible, and party too much? So, instead of telling you what he really feels or thinks he uses his mother as his voice of reason? But, think about this, what is the motivation for him to repeat what his mother says and thinks of you? Yeah, I’d bet any amount of money he thinks the same thing as her, and he is too afraid to say anything to you. Therefore, he’s weak and spineless. I’m certain he’s repeated this to his friends as well, and he’s allowing others to talk about you behind your back.
You don’t have to stoop to her level. You don’t have to be disrespectful, and I like that about you. So, instead of coming out of your face, and being mean and spiteful like her, just don’t go to her house, and tell him to stop repeating anything his mother thinks, feels, or says about you. You’re not interested in what she thinks, feels, or says. You’re dating him. Not his mother. And, if he doesn’t respect that, then it’s time to end your relationship with him.
Look, he’s not the man for you. Nor the boyfriend for you. He’s just something to do while you’re in school. If you like him, then just hang out, date, and enjoy yourself. Don’t be too serious with him because he is not serious about you. Hell, I wouldn’t even consider him a boyfriend. As a matter of fact, I would dump him and move on and find yourself a real man. Someone who is not afraid to speak up and stand for you. Someone who is going to go to bat for you. Someone who is not still nesting in his mother’s bosom and seeking her approval. And, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with getting your parents approval, but to the end of them disrespecting someone you’re dating, that is not cool. She is grown. She’s a mother. And, she may be over-protective of her son, but the fact that she does this about all his girlfriends, then it leads me to believe that she is not going to like anyone he brings home. And, I’m leery that he brings all his girlfriends home. This is a red sign. He’s obviously trying to get her approval, and seek validation from her by bringing his girlfriends home to meet his mother. Chile, cheese! Dump his a**! And, she’s trying to hold on to him being her baby. At some point she is going to have to let go, but right now she is not, and this is not your battle. So, chuck up the deuces to her, and stop going to her house, and continue having fun, enjoying your college years. – Terrance Dean
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