That awkward moment when you fall asleep in 2013 and wake up in 2002 to breaking news about Destiny’s Child performing at the Super Bowl. Yea, this is really happening along with a comeback album, but let’s be real, most of their hoodrat logic-polluted music aged
like white women terribly. “Bootylicious” in 2013? Why?
Here are ten reasons why we don’t need Destiny’s Child in 2013. Take a look.
Wrath of Beyonce: Publicity Overload –
Now infamous GQ cover, Super Bowl performance, magical pregnancy to compete with KimYe, “Keep Blue Ivy relevant”-campaign, new album AND a Destiny’s Child reunion in 2013? Naaaah, the streets don’t need an “R&B Aunties tryna prove they still got it”-tour. Nope.
Fanbase Too Grown And Progressive To Relate To Destiny’s Child “Classics” –
There was a time when women looked to Destiny’s Child for inner-strength and guidance. In 2002, they were Goddesses (in the eyes of believers) who created warfare between sexes with audio pestilence like “Bills Bills Bills.” And then their fanbase grew up.
LaTavia, LeToya And Farrah Have Suffered Enough –
At this point, we’re sure their Bey Bey-inflicted wounds have healed. LeToya is a somewhat relevant solo artist/actress, LaTavia is manager of a thriving TJ Maxx store and Farrah squeezed the last of her “fame” to be on “Millionaire Matchmaker.” Why do THIS to them now? It’s just not right.
Reunion Gives Hope To Irrelevant R&B Groups –
If this DC comeback is successful, we’ll have to suffer through a never-ending barrage of once popular group comebacks, reboots and Boyz II Men harmonizing over Mike Will beats. Some may disagree, but the world doesn’t need a TLC x Trinidad James collab.
“Independent Women, Pt. I” –
There are too many popular real housewives, basketball wives and money-thirsty slores (targeting rappers who believe in hope as birth control) for this stale ladies anthem to make sense in 2013.
Nobody Cares About Michelle Williams –
Michelle’s greatest Destiny’s Child moment is tripping and crumbling to the ground (in slow motion) during a live 106 & Park performance. Why Bey Bey would risk Michelle tumbling across the stage and down the steps during Super Bowl halftime, NO ONE knows.
Sing the following words out loud: “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly/I don’t think you’re ready for this/’Cause my body’s too bootylicious for ya babe.” Feel dumb as hell, don’t you?
It’s Kelly Rowland’s Time (Kinda) –
The world finally started caring about Kelendria’s solo career until yesterday when she shrunk back into her chirppity-chirp background vocals in Bey Bey’s shadow role. Life’s not fair.
“If your status ain’t hood, I ain’t checkin’ for him/Betta be street if he lookin’ at me/I need a soldier that ain’t scared to stand up for me.” Why would anyone want to see grown a$$ women perform this?
Everyone Has Their Time, DC’s Expired In 2004 –
“Destiny’s Fulfilled” was the perfect title for their last album because everyone was ready for them to be over. Michelle slithering onto songs from the shadows was too stressful for most. At some point, artists have to stop trying to squeeze water out of rocks and move on.
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