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Y’all gonna learn about taking these books too literally. A British man charged with assault causing bodily harm escaped a conviction thanks to having the foresight to have his alleged victim sign a waiver before subjecting herself to his kinky punishment.

Via DailyMail reports:

A jeweller has been found not guilty of attacking his lover after a jury heard she signed a ‘slave contract.’

Steven Lock said he and a woman partner had agreed a ‘master/slave’ session after both reading Fifty Shades Of Grey.

The 43-year-old was today found not guilty of assault occasioning actually bodily harm after Ipswich Crown Court heard the woman had signed a ‘slave’ contract.

In the contract she had promised Mr Lock free use of her body, entitling him to lash her if she did not follow his rules, the jury was told.

Mr Lock explained he only continued whipping for 15 seconds because the woman did not use the safe word ‘red.’

He eventually stopped when he realized she was being hurt by the sex game.

The jury of 10 men and two women were told the complainant also had a ‘Property of Steven Lock’ tattoo.

But she became upset when she showed Mr Lock the permanent design – moments after the whipping incident – and he did not approve.

The woman claimed that he hit her so hard that she heard the rope ‘whistling’ and had screamed in pain.

During his evidence Mr Lock told the court: ‘It was supposed to be kinky fun, I didn’t want her to cry.’

Asked by his defense attorney Roger Thomson if he and the alleged victim had read Fifty Shades Of Grey, by British writer E L James, he replied: ‘That’s where we got the idea from.’

Outside court, Mr Lock, said he was relieved that the jury ‘had seen sense.’

He added: ‘It’s the right verdict. This case should never have reached court. As far as I’m concerned it was a consensual activity between adults.’

Apparently the pair had been into group sex and bondage in the past but had never practiced the whipping scenario that resulted in the assault charge.

SMH. What ever happened to good old fashioned regular missionary sex and monogamy?

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