Where to start? I met a man that I was sexual attracted to, and then as we got to know each other I enjoyed him mentally as well.
But, let’s just get to the point. We were intimate and it was great. We dated, talked, went to poetry readings, walks in the park and then it happened. We had only been intimate once and then he hit me with the high school version of, “If you like me, then you would give me oral sex.” WHAT???? That was my first reply, and then he started to explain that he enjoyed that and thinks that he should get it if I like him.
Well, I do like him, but I am a bit older then he (I’m 32 years old), but I am not about to play games. I don’t know him well enough to just do that. And, just because everyone else he has dealt with does it on the first date or first sexual encounter has nothing to do with me. I just want to know is this what the world is coming to, that in order to let a man know you want him or you’re interested in him that you must blow him? If so, then why isn’t it that men don’t just give women oral sex to say, “Hey, I like you and I think we could be something?”
Please advise me as to what I need to do or what I may be doing wrong that keeps me single? – Ms. Wow Just Wow
Dear Ms. Wow Just Wow,
WHAT!!!! Are you kidding me? For real, Ms. Thang! You’ve already had sex with the man and you’re appalled that he asked you for oral sex? Girl, you gots to be joking. You’ve already been intimate with this man, allowing penetration into your love canal, French kissing, and exploring one another’s body parts, yet you think oral sex is beneath you! Stop the madness.
Girl, I can tell you this now, and I need for you to lean close to the computer screen and listen closely. I need you to hear this loud and clear, (clears throat): WHATEVER YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES AND NEEDS ARE IN THE BEDROOM, YOU SHOULD SPEAK CANDIDLY AND OPENLY WITH YOUR MATE ABOUT THEM. YOUR MATE CANNOT ASSUME OR MAKE ASSUMPTIONS THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO YOU, AND FOR YOU, PLEASES YOU, AND IS PLEASURABLE. YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW WHAT YOU ENJOY. HOW TO TOUCH YOU. HOW TO KISS YOU. HOW TO CARESS YOU. AND, HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU. AND, IF HE HAS EXPRESSED HIS DESIRE FOR ORAL SEX, HONEY, YOU BETTER GET YOUR ORAL SKILLS IN ORDER. GET THEM LIPS READY, LEARN HOW TO BREATH THROUGH YOUR NOSE, AND MAKE SURE YOU DON’T HAVE ANY GAG REFLEXES. BECAUSE TRUST AND BELIEVE, IF YOU DON’T PROVIDE HIM WITH SOME BECKY, THERE IS A BECKY WAITING IN THE WINGS TO TAKE YOUR PLACE. TRUST!
I can’t believe that you were that put off by his request. Really? Really! How old are you? Chile, you’d think you were in middle school. I can see you now when he made the suggestion. Your face was all scrunched up. Hands on your hip, eyes cocked, smacking your lips, rolling your head and waving your finger and saying, “I don’t know you like that! I ain’t no freak or no hoe!” But, while you’re saying what you won’t do, trust me, he is plotting of way to get you to do it. And, when you don’t, he will be out of there. Yes, darling, he may maintain the relationship with you, but know that he is getting serviced by some other woman who is happy to oblige his request, and she will probably swallow.
And, you can’t blame him for being open and blatant about what he wants. He knows what he wants, and he asked you. All you can do is either say, “Yes, I’d love to get down with no hands.” Or, you can say, “Sorry, but that’s not my thing.” Chuck up the deuces and move on, because he is going to keep asking you until you relent. And, if you don’t, then he will eventually leave you, or, he will find a woman who will have no problem slobbing on his knob. Also, if you’re not willing to accommodate one another in the bedroom, then the obvious is clear: You are not sexually compatible. You relationship will suffer, and your needs will not be met in the bedroom.
How about you ask him to satisfy some of your sexual desires. What turns you on? What pleases you? What part of your body, or orifices do you want pleasured? Make it known to him, and make the sexual reciprocity an enjoyable one. But, if you two can’t get on the same page about his requests and desires, and your put-offness by his request, then, take your prudeness and find a man who isn’t interested in oral transactions. LMBAO!
Look, Ms. Wow Just Wow, yes, I agree with you that men should return the favor. Men should give happily just as they receive happily, but you’ve got to let him know your desires as well. If you want to be serviced then tell him. Let him know how to lick, suck, and pluck it. Tell him how you want to sit on his face and lock them thighs on his face. LMBAO! Girl, you better speak up, just like he spoke up. And, stop being such a prude. You’re trying to be all fancy and cute, but I know you like some man meat in your mouth, no, as a matter of fact, I know you love bobbing your head up and down and getting your life on some man meat. I read between the lines when you said in your letter, “Well, I do like him….I don’t know him well enough to just do that.” Stop playing yourself, and trying to play me. I can’t stand these Prissy-I’m-Too-Good-And-I-Don’t-Get-Down-Like-That-Bougie-Fakeness. You’re trying to act like you’ve never done it before, and how it disgusts you. Chile, BOO! Honey, I know you’re a freak. And, after your intimate encounter with him, I gather he figured that out as well. And, girl, you’ll be amazed at the things some men are into and have no qualms in asking women to do to them. You should check out the many letters I get from women whose men are asking them to use a strap on and plunge deep inside them. Yes, some men want their backs dug out, too! BOOM! BAM! POW! – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!