I recently reconnected with someone I grew up with and dated as a adolescent again via Facebook.
It’s been 12 years since I seen him, but I spoke with him a few months ago, but never stayed in contact as I was going through a lot around that time and I wasn’t together to reach out to anybody. I reactivated my page again and befriended him. He asked me why he got deleted. I told him it was nothing personal as my whole page was erased. We talked here and there. Nothing major. More like talking about the old days growing up.
He asked for my Skype info, which I gave. He has never Skyped me when he said he would. His response via Facebook chat when I made a joke about being stood up on Skype for the first time was that he went to the store and ran into his friend, and from there he and his friend went to the bar to watch the football game, but made it clear that it would never happen again. No biggie for me. I jokingly said you get a pass being that it is football season. Nothing to make an argument over.
A week after that we spoke again via Facebook. We talked in-depth about the past and creating a future if it is meant to be. He said that he always liked me and wanted me to be that one for him. I expressed the same feeling–as I have always like him, thought about him and made efforts periodically to find him on any social network. I saw him as a great father, husband and just overall qualities and characteristics in a man for any women if not me. I did not think much of it before so I did not give him my number prior to the conversation, however he did not give me his! After the conversation I gave him my number and he said he would call me after he finishes up some projects he is working on. It has been 3 days now and he has not reached out to me of any sort. I am assuming he himself deactivated his page as it is no longer on Facebook at this time. I had to re-log in another old account to make sure if It was deactivated or if he blocked me or if he made his information invisible.
I asked about his last relationship. I usually do not as I could care less. I figured whatever they did within that relationship, I too will find out, which is a red flag for me and which is not. His response was to make a long story short, he messed up. She had everything but his trust. He ran down the list of all her qualities, and I said is there any more you would like to make a list on..got damn!?!? To me that was a red flag that maybe he is not over his ex like he say he is and two, he said he does not trust people so if he does not trust people, then how could he possibly trust me? His response was be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Just be a good girl.
I believe the ones that do not trust people are actually the ones that cannot be trusted as he said he started seeing other women who wanted him. I guess she was doing things too and that is when he started doing his dirt. He also said the sex was boring and basically there was nothing there anymore and no, she did not leave any foot prints on his heart.
My question to you is, number 1) why would he take his page off Facebook without at least saying something to me to say hey, I am taking my page off but I will call you or text.
2) Is he still with his “ex” and she found out he and I were chatting and that is why he took his page down?
3) Why hasn’t he reached out to me if he is in fact single, and especially after the conversation we had?
4) Is he regretting what he expressed or maybe is nervous or embarrassed?
5) Being that I do not have his number yet, which I could get from his sister, but I am not because he personally did not give it to me, I do have his Skype info. Should I address it through whatever contact information he gave me, or should I leave it be like I have been because actions speak louder than words? And, it is a bit odd that someone does not want to reach out to somebody they want to reconnect with again and verbally pick back up on that conversation before he and I were schedules to see each other next weekend. Side note: I am seeing his sister for that weekend and he and I were going to meet up in between then.
I am confused with a lot of scenarios going through my head as to why. Not so much as I want to make it work, but more so as to why men do what they do and react how they do — Researcher
Dear Ms. Researcher,
Ma’am, you’ve made two concerted efforts in making yourself available to this little boy who told you that he was interested in you, and that he wanted you to be that one for him. First, he stood you up for a Skype conversation, with some bull-ish story about going to the store and running into a friend, and then going to the bar to watch the football game. Plausible? Perhaps. Did it really occur? Hell naw. Honey, in my Maury voice, “That was a lie.”
Second, after lengthy conversations via Facbook, he never once made an effort to give you his number. You made the first move and provided him with your number. Yes, that is a red flag. Then, three days pass and he still has not called. This same little boy who told you that he wanted you to be that one for him. This same little boy who told you how much he really liked you, and to the extent of being in a relationship with you. However, he hasn’t called, texted, or Skyped to inform you what’s going on, why he deactivated his page, or why he is being so elusive about making simple contact. (Sips tea and clears throat) Boo boo, he is still involved with this ex, or he is married, or he has another woman. Yes, he is lying about his relationship status, and he’s lying to you. Let bygones be bygones and be glad that he deleted himself out of your life.
For the record, any man who spends the majority of his time communicating via social media without so much as giving you his number, or being available to Skype, is hiding something. In this day and age of cell phones, Skype, and other forms of communicating with a voice and having actual face time, there is no excuse why a man would be so evasive about his pursuits or interest, unless he is involved with someone else. Therefore, nothing can be traced back because he can always delete his social media information, and create a new account. With no cell phone records of incoming and outgoing calls, his woman, wife, girlfriend, or bed partner cannot find any evidence of him cheating. He’s a master of the game, and therefore, the fact that he disappeared out of your life, let him remain disappeared out of your life.
But, let’s look at this statement you wrote, “He said he does not trust people so if he does not trust people, then how could he possibly trust me? His response was be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Just be a good girl.” You are absolutely right, he cannot and will not trust you if he doesn’t trust people. And, if he doesn’t trust people, then he is not to be trusted himself. Yes, when he revealed to you that he and his ex messed up, then he is not to be trusted. He’s revealed to you what he is capable of. He will cheat. He will lie. He will manipulate. He will deceive. Therefore, believe him.
Second, he said be good to him and he’ll be good to you. Uhm, why not just be good regardless. These supposedly grown a** people playing tit for tat talkin’ ‘bout be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Well, this let’s me know that you are not a good person. If you’re involved with someone who is not good to you, hopefully you will get out of the relationship, and not feel the need to enact revenge because someone did something toward you. Chile, ain’t nobody got time for that.
Third, he said, “Just be a good girl.” WOW! Really! Did you say to him, “Well, you just be a good boy.” The hell! You are not a girl. You are a grown a** woman. You’re not a little girl who needs to be scolded and told to behave and be good. Chile, miss me!
Girl, let me answer your questions and be done:
1) Why would he take his page off Facebook without at least saying something to me to say hey, “I am taking my page off but I will call you or text.” – He is involved, or reconnected with his ex. He lied to you and led you to believe that he wanted a relationship. On the real, you were something to do while he was trying to get back with his ex, or he is communicating with other women and found someone to bide his time until he’s ready to bed you.
2) Is he still with his “ex” and she found out he and I were chatting and that is why he took his page down? - Yes. Yes. Yes. He got busted and she made him delete his page. And, it wasn’t just because of you, he was caught chatting with several other women online.
3) Why hasn’t he reached out to me if he is in fact single, and especially after the conversation we had? - He isn’t single. He lied.
4) Is he regretting what he expressed or maybe is nervous or embarrassed? – No. He got caught cheating and now he is trying to reconcile with his woman.
5) Being that I do not have his number yet, which I could get from his sister, but I am not because he personally did not give it to me, I do have his Skype info. Should I address it through whatever contact information he gave me, or should I leave it be like I have been because actions speak louder than words? – No. Leave it and him alone. If he really wanted to connect with you, he would have made the first move and reached out to you. You’ve given him your Skype info and phone number. Don’t be thirsty to run after a man if he hasn’t reached out to you. He’s lying and hiding something. Move on. – Terrance Dean
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!