America’s greatest national holiday (Super Bowl Sunday) was just as EPIC as we all imagined with a weird, unforgettable twist. There was nail-biting football and Beyonce booty pops, with a stadium blackout and terrible commercials mixed in, leaving us with several burning questions in need of answers. Here are ten burning questions from last night’s Super Bowl. Take a look.
How much longer are we going to let Alicia Keys screech like tortured wildlife? Seems like forever ago when Alicia could actually sing without squawking. Now she just howls at the moon like a tone-deaf werewolf and hopes for the best. Photo credit: Instagram
Why was Michelle’s mic even on? Michelle will always be the ashy black jelly bean of Destiny’s Child. It is what it is. Photo credit: Instagram
Who cut the Super Dome lights off? Some say it was Keri Hilson. Others say Michelle tripped over the power cord and blew the lights. Republicans blame Obama. But no one (other than Olivia Pope) really KNOWS how the 34-minute blackout happened. Photo credit: Instagram
Beyonce too “risqué” for kids? Several viewers expressed outrage over the Negronian Goddess’ Dominatrixy outfit and provocative p-pops. With everyone including kids watching, many believe the performance was too “grown” for little kids. Seriously? Photo credit: Instagram
Why does Kim Kardashian try so hard to be down? Why can’t Kimmy Cakes just sit back, shut the hell up and carry the greatest mixed baby of all time without attention slorish antics? It’s like her and Yeezy are competing for everyone’s attention, at all times. Photo credit: Twitter
What did Keyshia Cole say about Michelle that was “wrong?” Keyshia said what 98% of the galaxy believes but somehow crossed the line. Be honest, you either sighed deeply, rolled your eyes or took a shot when Michelle sang her 3-second solo last night. Photo credit: Twitter
What’s next for the honorable Reverend Dr. Raysus Lewis? The legendary linebacker will soon be giving motivational speeches to angels in Heaven while serving as the Pastor/Praise leader of a Baltimore Mega Church. Would you join?
Why won’t “Gangnam Style” insanity die? “Gangnam Style” is like that one “Die Hard” azz roach in your Grandma’s house you just can’t seem to kill. You’ve tried everything and yet it flourishes in the shadows, rent-free. Photo credit: Instagram
Why are there SIX “Fast & Furious” movies? The “Fast & Furious” franchise is basically a 13-hour movie cut into 6 parts that all feel like déjà vu. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. And if you’ve seen them all, you’re probably 12. Photo credit: Instagram