A new book called The Normal Bar has gathered survey info from 100,000 people that responded to over 1 million different data inquiries that reveals what couples REALLY think of each other.
Talk about tough love…
Via Huffington Post
Do you trust your partner?
Only 39% of women in this study completely trust their partners, compared to 53% of men. What’s wrong with this picture? Why the gender difference, and why the low levels of trust in general? It may be that a lot of couples intuitively know or have learned by experience that their spouse or live-in partner has the potential to rove.
Women in heterosexual relationships know the same thing that many studies have shown: that men are more interested in and titillated about sex outside the relationship, and that may account for a higher percentage of women who doubt their partner’s honesty and fidelity. On the other hand, nearly half of men suspect their partners, too. Both men and women believe that their partners will hide unpleasant truths, and that they may have to dig to find out what is really going on.
Have you ever lied to your partner?
Nearly three-quarters of our respondents (75% of men and 71% of women) said they lie to their partners to one degree or another. Only 27% of our respondents said they never ever lie. Does lying negatively affect the quality of your relationship? Probably not. Even among extremely happy couples, 69% of men and women said they’ve lied at some point to their partners.
But the fact that very happy partners lie demands some further scrutiny. For most couples, some lying is necessary to keep the peace, to protect each other’s feelings, and to preserve a sense of safety in the relationship. The 27% who never lie may be righteous, but they can also be cruelly frank. Men and women who shade the truth may be more loving and protective. Even well-intentioned lies, however, can hurt the relationship if the truth that’s withheld is something the partner has every right and need to know.
Do you lie about your partner’s sexual performance?
Just as men are more likely to tell white lies about their partner’s appearance, women are more likely to flatter their partner’s sexual performance. We found that 43% of women lie about how they feel about their partner’s sexual performance, compared to just 28% of men. That’s probably not because women are better lovers but, rather, because they feel a greater need to protect their partner’s feelings. When a man feels insecure, he may have difficulty getting an stiff one, so it’s in his partner’s—as well as his—interest to boost his sexual self-esteem. The bad news here is that some honest communication has to take place; otherwise, nothing is likely to improve.
As you might imagine, sexually dissatisfied men and women lie almost twice as much (50%) as sexually satisfied partners (27%). If you talk openly and honestly with your partner about what isn’t working, you’re much more likely to achieve sexual satisfaction than if you salve your partner’s sexual feelings at the expense of your own pleasure. Lying may cause fewer storms, but also fewer climaxes!
Ladies, keep it 100…have you been lying to your “bae” about how he puts it down???
Image via Essence
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